Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Please help - partner died no will

387 replies

TheAgileDuck · 06/01/2025 18:47

Hi All, I would really appreciate your help. My partner of 12 years died over Christmas. He was very ill and I was his carer (unofficially he didn’t claim carers allowance etc) We have lived together for 8 years in his fully paid for house. He has two children who he has not seen for 10 + years and other relatives still alive but again not spoken to in a very long time years and years.

he has died with no will. His family are asking me to leave the house I have called my home for 8 years as we were not married and I wasn’t paying any rent/maintenance officially. He always verbally promised me that I could stay in the house if he passed away until I died or if I choose to leave 30% of the value of house and rest to his children. However it turns out there is no will so none of the above is official.

do I have any right to stay in the house? Please note I am not on bills. I also have no other savings, so if I was kicked out I would effectively be made homeless. I haven’t worked in 8 years as his health was extremely poor and I looked after him and he had enough money to cover all bills.

I am not after any money from his bank accounts, his expensive jewellery and watches just a small bit of what was promised to me for so long. I have no money saved so getting a solicitor I think will be last resort but guessing it might have to be done.

I am totally devastated by his loss but also now by this situation which has come as such a shock after thinking I had some safety for my future.

please help if anyone has any advice

many thanks

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 06/01/2025 19:43

Are you 100% sure there's no will? I know many people can be lax on this kind of thing, but it's also odd that he'd be so specific about telling you 1) he definitely had a will and 2) detailing your options whether you remained in the house or got a share if you wanted to move out.

Very odd that the family knew there was no will as well isn't it? When there's been no contact? To confidently demand that you leave immediately seems strange... They would have no idea that he hadn't drawn up a will last year or even last month, yet after 10 years of NC just waltz in all like 'this house is ours now, sling your hook'...

Sansan18 · 06/01/2025 19:45

So sorry for your loss.My partner died 18 months ago and the only advice I can give is that probate can be very lengthy and throw up all sorts of surprises.Hang on in there , don't leave the home and get advice asap

Original poster
TheAgileDuck · 06/01/2025 19:45

Sparklfairy · 06/01/2025 19:43

Are you 100% sure there's no will? I know many people can be lax on this kind of thing, but it's also odd that he'd be so specific about telling you 1) he definitely had a will and 2) detailing your options whether you remained in the house or got a share if you wanted to move out.

Very odd that the family knew there was no will as well isn't it? When there's been no contact? To confidently demand that you leave immediately seems strange... They would have no idea that he hadn't drawn up a will last year or even last month, yet after 10 years of NC just waltz in all like 'this house is ours now, sling your hook'...

I agree it’s all strange. I am going to contact a local solicitor and see if any provision was made.

I know he told one relative his intentions but again that relative he hasn’t spoken to in a long time.

OP posts:
Floppyelf · 06/01/2025 19:46

TheAgileDuck · 06/01/2025 19:37

I agree I feel very foolish

Show quote history

I honestly am not trying to kick you whilst you’re down and grieving. Get vicious. Seek legal advice. I saw a poster upthread say that she’s a solicitor? Fight for yourself.

Tiswa · 06/01/2025 19:48

Soontobe60 · 06/01/2025 18:56

What makes you think they're awful? You don’t know why he didn't have any contact with his children, how he managed to have his own house or why the OP didnt have a home of her own from before they met.

Show quote history

i am so sorry OP but frankly it wasn’t as if this was a unexpected death and the fact that in all the years of you looking after him he didn’t do one thing to protect the one person who was looking after him maybe gives an insight into perhaps why his children weren’t speaking to him

R053 · 06/01/2025 19:48

I feel bad for your situation, especially as you cared for him in his illness and were his partner for such a long time. And you are dealing with grief and loss as well.

Had you been here in Australia, you would have had the same claim on his estate as a spouse under our de facto laws. I don’t think you were “foolish”, more underinformed, as many people are in this position. I think the UK needs to publicise more about the legal implications of being an unmarried partner to someone where there is no joint ownership of assets. It would allow people to make informed choices, plan for their future and make relationship decisions.

Nordione1 · 06/01/2025 19:49

Wonderi · 06/01/2025 19:39

Gently OP, he must have wanted his kids to inherit his home and not you.

He was poorly for a long time and this had been discussed several times it seems and he still didn’t do a will.

Why would he not just put your name on the deeds instead of the will.

This was intentional.

It doesn’t mean he didn’t love you but it probably meant that he felt stuck between a rock and a hard place (you vs his kids).

What was your relationship like with his children before he died?

I would ask that you can stay in the home for x amount of time to let you find somewhere else to live.

Just because he may have intended it doesn't mean to say the OP can't make a claim for reasonable provision. She is part of a group of people that is allowed to make a claim from an estate and I'd suggest she would probably have a good chance of being successful.

Snapncrackle · 06/01/2025 19:50

ShanghaiDiva · 06/01/2025 19:37

@Snapncrackle it isn’t helpful to state that her partner stitched her up - it’s a thoughtless and unpleasant comment. He was clearly ill and house bound.

But he has - however way you look at it

they have been together for many years and she is left with 0 at a time when she is grieving

my late parents were housebound and still got there wills done by a mumsnetter who writes wills
all done over the phone - very easy and only a few hundred quid

Floppyelf · 06/01/2025 19:50

PinkTonic · 06/01/2025 19:43

She wasn’t exactly unpaid. She lived rent free and was kept by him. He may have considered this a fair exchange.

Show quote history

Rent is nothing compared to being a house slave which is effectively what she was. I wonder why he didn’t allow the OP to claim carer’s allowance etc? My grandfather loved my grandmother although he was a white guy who was rich and she was a brown lady who was not. He married her, protected her despite one of his kids being grubby as it was the second marriage for both of them. I judge all situations based on his standards.

CchompShopper · 06/01/2025 19:50

You don't need to go out of the home to make a will

I did mine over the phone & it arrived in the post

Via Coop

But other providers can be used

AInightingale · 06/01/2025 19:52

Verbal promises mean nothing. In fact, even if you were married you would not necessarily inherit his estate unless he made a will and made provision for you, or added you to the title deeds of his house.

My parents had a friend who married some (v rich) bloke who did make a will and he left her absolutely nothing, in fact I think he left his entire estate to the Conservative Party. She was younger and nursed him for twenty years and got absolutely SFA in the end.

Floppyelf · 06/01/2025 19:53

Sparklfairy · 06/01/2025 19:43

Are you 100% sure there's no will? I know many people can be lax on this kind of thing, but it's also odd that he'd be so specific about telling you 1) he definitely had a will and 2) detailing your options whether you remained in the house or got a share if you wanted to move out.

Very odd that the family knew there was no will as well isn't it? When there's been no contact? To confidently demand that you leave immediately seems strange... They would have no idea that he hadn't drawn up a will last year or even last month, yet after 10 years of NC just waltz in all like 'this house is ours now, sling your hook'...

@TheAgileDuck get copies of your phone bill for the last 3 years. Check all phone numbers to see if he rang any professional will services? There’s a chance

ShanghaiDiva · 06/01/2025 19:53

Snapncrackle · 06/01/2025 19:50

But he has - however way you look at it

they have been together for many years and she is left with 0 at a time when she is grieving

my late parents were housebound and still got there wills done by a mumsnetter who writes wills
all done over the phone - very easy and only a few hundred quid

Show quote history

And how does this make your comment any less thoughtless at at time when, as you say, she is grieving?
posting about what would, could or should have happened is pointless and does not help the OP in any way.

thepariscrimefiles · 06/01/2025 19:53

PinkTonic · 06/01/2025 19:43

She wasn’t exactly unpaid. She lived rent free and was kept by him. He may have considered this a fair exchange.

Show quote history

If he had needed to employ a live-in carer, he would have need to provide the carer with a room and board plus a salary. He has saved a fortune having OP doing all the caring.

He obviously didn't think that this was a fair exchange as he lied to OP about his will, no doubt so that she wouldn't leave him.

lateatwork · 06/01/2025 19:56

Everything I'm thinking of writing sounds callous.

That's the point I suppose. No one likes to talk or think about death so much. If you brought it up, insisted on seeing 'proof' - maybe seen as too 'grabby'. Not asking and insisting on seeing proof has plopped you into this position.

So, I agree with @Floppyelf - swallow any reticence and concern about appearing 'grabby' and stand up for yourself. I'm guessing that doesn't come naturally to you because you have worked full time all your life and have no assets- maybe just hoping it would all work out? - should have a decent teachers pension though.... Also, pop in a claim for government support - you need an income.

MyDeftDuck · 06/01/2025 19:56

I am deeply sorry for your los OP.

However, No will so therefore, no claim.

Bit of advice for others in a similar situation - I own our home outright in my name only. It is left to my children in my will but I have made provision for my partner by way of 'right to reside' for as long as he wishes to stay after my death. All my family know of this decision which is legally binding.

AngelicKaty · 06/01/2025 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda. OP is where she is and that can't be changed. Has it made you feel better rubbing salt into her wound? Honestly, some people. 🙄

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 06/01/2025 19:57

I'm so sorry you've ended up in this situation.

I'm not a legal eagle but I've known several friends fight from the other side of this - even when there is a will, people can make a claim to the deceased's estate. One of the reasons that a family member who wasn't in the will might be successful on a claim is if they were financially dependent on the person - as a co-habiting partner who has clearly only not been working because you were providing care for him, you were financially dependent on him. I'm not sure if the fact that you weren't related by marriage or blood ruins all chance of this, but as per the solicitors on this thread, if I were you I would stay firmly put and prepare to do battle. Get copies of EVERYTHING that might be relevant - paper or even better scan it (With your phone if necessary) and upload it to the cloud. If he has told a friend he intended to leave the house to you, get their contact details saved. Gather all evidence that you were his carer, of how long you lived together and were in a relationship before that, of his estrangement from the children and why.

Dora33 · 06/01/2025 19:57

You sound like a lovely trusting person. I really hope a solicitor is able to help you to remain in your home.

Also the caring that you have done for 8 years, would have costed a considerable amount and enabled your partner to stay in his home.

Please when you are talking to a solicitor, ask for this to be considered Also.

lassingd · 06/01/2025 19:58

Do you have any evidence you paid anything towards teh house, bills, mortgage, rent, anything at all?

There could be a claim if so I think. Though likely for not as much as you might be hoping

Delphiniumandlupins · 06/01/2025 19:58

I agree it's odd that his family are so confident that he didn't leave a will, if they have had no contact for years. Did he have any pension or savings that he could have signed for you to be beneficiary?

Zucker · 06/01/2025 19:58

I wonder why the estranged family were so sure he hadn't left the house to you? They turned up the day after he died and told you to leave.

Sorry for your loss OP.

AngelicKaty · 06/01/2025 19:58

Doggymummar · 06/01/2025 19:33

I am a similar situation and we don't have wills,but our life insurance and pensions are payable to each other so this shows intent. Do you have this in place? Joint bank account?

Then you both need to make Wills as a priority.

DonQ · 06/01/2025 19:59

To echo other posters, did he have any pensions? The death benefit provisions may provide for a pension and / or lump sum to be payable to a spouse or dependant. You may qualify as the latter depending on the pension scheme’s rules. Definitions of dependant vary from scheme to scheme but often include common law spouses and those who can demonstrate financial dependency on / financial interdependency with the deceased member.

Ilovethewild · 06/01/2025 19:59

Op,

when you can, seek legal advice

if you do have to leave, in terms of housing, you may qualify for social housing for over 55yrs, when you are able to, contact your council and apply. Usually waiting lists are short,

sorry for your loss 💐