15K loan without my knowledge

[christmas00stressballs]

Looking for kind responses please. What would you do if your DH took out a 15K loan without your knowledge? In his name but I'm expected to help pay it off.
We struggle. We only just make ends meet. We have no savings.
I feel sick about it. I'm not coping.
For context, I don't know where we can save elsewhere. We need 2 cars as we live rural, 2 young kids, 1 in nursery. I'm in a low paid job, jobs are scarce where we are. Only hospitality and those are unsociable hours.
Please put yourself in my shoes.

@Bobbing46 I agree with you that's my attitude too.

So tell him that. He needs to cancel everything and return the money. You will not be going on holiday. You will not pay a single penny of this loan. You will not take on any of his finacial commitments. He didn't discuss it with you and you won't be taking it on. End of. He's a fucking idiot. Trying to get in a pissing contest with his friends/ colleagues to the detriment of your family finances.

@Nevertoocoldforicecream I know I can't ignore it you're totally right and I am avoiding the hard discussions because I know it'll end badly. I can't get excited about it because I'll be paying it off for years to come. Don't get me wrong I've expressed my dismay and I've given him a hard time. I just can't get my head round it. He's talking about cancelling the whole thing now because I'm
Not excited and our relationship isn't in a good place.

@ThunderLeaf thank you. We are also in Scotland and your situation sounds similar to ours. It's hard not having family. Just someone to pop round, with love in their hearts and support you emotionally and unconditionally and would maybe allow you to pop out to the shop without dragging crazy children around for instance for an hour. It makes all the difference.

I will definitely look up that book. Thank you for your response I really do appreciate it. ❤️

His attitude and way of thinking gives me the ICK.

I know someone who goes (her, DH & 2 DC) to a top resort skiing every single Christmas. Guess what? They've never had to pay for it. She has a rich Dad.

I know another two families, again with 2/3 children, who go on lavish holidays several times per year, and again, their parents pay for them!!

In other words, looks can be deceiving.

I have family who go on about 4 holidays a year, and lavish ones at that, but they are actually very well off. I do not know anyone who goes on that many holidays per year otherwise.

Your DH doesn't live in the real world. I'd consider my DH & I to be pretty normal, we're not well off but not hand to mouth either, and we certainly do not holiday regularly at all. I'd never spend £15K on a holiday either, and we don't even live hand to mouth. It's been about 7 years since we went abroad (eurostar), our children have never been on a plane, and when we do go on holiday, we tend to stay in the UK. Our children know no different and are not missing out on anything, they love our inexpensive UK trips.

If he doesn't cancel this trip, he can go alone as far as I'd be concerned in your shoes. I certainly wouldn't be paying back HIS loan either. He can jog on. Let him sulk all he wants about HIS stupid, selfish, irresponsible decision that he couldn't even be bothered to discuss with his WIFE.

Total manchild.

He absolutely needs to be canceling the whole thing!
This really shouldn't be up for debate.

I’ve never spent 15k on a family holiday … Hmm Disney land?

You say you’ve never had a loan—since he’s expecting you to help with the repayments, you NEED to see those T&Cs. 1. What is the interest rate? 2. What are the monthly payments? 3. What is the total number of months for the loan term?

Yes, people do go on 4 holidays per year. Does your DH have family money or a job paying £250,000+ to pay for them? If not, he cannot try the keep up with these people.

I'm sorry OP this is so shit of him and really doesnt make sense, you have decades ahead of you to go on holidays. In a couple years when you're free of childcare fees you might even be able to slowly save up for one. Holiday of a lifetime with 2 little kids is nuts. They're often more work on holiday out of their element then at home. I couldn't go, I didn't enjoy holidays when our kids were little (all domestic holidays) and it would feel even worse not enjoying it then coming back to years of loan repayments. I haven't been on holiday in 6 years now because I can't afford it, that's the reality many many families face. Where we live, very much cheapest house in more well off area, most of my DC friends families have holiday homes and go away all the time, we don't have the money so we don't. Borrowing that much for a holiday when you have no savings and are barley making ends meet is really idiotic.

He's talking about cancelling the whole thing now because I'm Not excited and our relationship isn't in a good place.
Good, unless youre going to lose all the money tell him to do it. If you're going to lose all the money already paid find out how much that is first, but given he's only booked flights that's probably the best option anyway.

I'm the bad guy though destroying everyone's dream.

Even my four year old has a basic response to 'we don't have money for that'.

Tell them you can do it the other way around - put the money aside you'd spend on repaying the debt and buy the holiday when you've saved. Make it a project with a thermometer or coin jar or whatever - a great way to teach kids (and dh!) about saving and how important and exciting it can be

Until he cancels you cannot move forwards. He is trying to manipulate you into going ahead regardless, with his and dc disappointment and your lack of excitement. Dc are young so it should not be that tricky to redirect their attention to less costly activities to look forward to. You definitely need to unlink your finances before he really drags you down with more debt.

He shouldn't be cancelling because you're not excited - he should be cancelling because he was an irresponsible twat to book it in the first place - don't let him lay this on you!

He's talking about cancelling the whole thing now because I'm Not excited and our relationship isn't in a good place.*

We go on 3 or more holidays a year amd we are not well off, but I work overtime to pay for it, sometimes 6 x 12 hours in a week. But to us it's worth it. We don't have any childcare, just me and my husband who also works full time.

We also massively shop around and do everything DIY not packages and this saves you a fortune.

I would never dream of taking a loan for holiday and my husband would never dare! We have a loan from paying for our old roof of 8k and that costs us £165 per month which is bad enough to pay, can't imagine paying double, especially if your already struggling.

This is my concern—that OP could be paying £300+ per month for however many years.