15K loan without my knowledge

[christmas00stressballs]

Looking for kind responses please. What would you do if your DH took out a 15K loan without your knowledge? In his name but I'm expected to help pay it off.
We struggle. We only just make ends meet. We have no savings.
I feel sick about it. I'm not coping.
For context, I don't know where we can save elsewhere. We need 2 cars as we live rural, 2 young kids, 1 in nursery. I'm in a low paid job, jobs are scarce where we are. Only hospitality and those are unsociable hours.
Please put yourself in my shoes.

Aside from all of the very valid points made by many above, I would be livid at not being involved in deciding the destination. And to book flights, therefore fixing dates without considering the implications for accommodation would annoy me greatly. Has he even done any research? Is there a reason why he has chosen these flights/destination in particular?

Anyway. I agree the money should be returned. See what can be salvaged with the flights.

You don't have to be a passenger on his cray cray train, OP.

I would refuse point blank to go on said holiday, and let him deal with the consequences. It's not a dream holiday anywhere with young kids. Teenagers maybe, or if one of you was terminally ill. But for the sake of it? not a cat in hells.

Sorry but he's a bloody idiot for two reasons.

1. Once in a lifetime holiday with young children is going to be "once in a lifetime" because you won't wish to repeat it.
2. 15k on a holiday when you are just about making ends meet.

For less than a third you could have had a lovely 4/5* AI holiday (best choice with kids imo) in the canaries where you get year round good weather and plenty resorts and hotels are geared at families. Kids would have a brilliant time and you won't get an ulcer worrying about paying for it. He's a stupid twat.

£15k for a holiday when you aren’t even booking the accommodation until you’re in the country is a joke.

I’d go mental if DH took a loan of £15k out without telling me, even more so in your situation. He needs to take a second job.

He's just told me it's beyond the 14 day cool off period 😣

@Addictforanex
He's a public servant and they apparently offer loans through a third party. He got it there but no idea if he had to declare anything.

Even if there is a penalty for paying back a chunk now it will be much less than paying it back on the stanadard terms. Get what's left back to the lender tomorrow.

@WaitingforStrike
He honestly thought it was a good surprise. Like yay we are going on holiday! Whereas I knew we didn't have the funds available.

@Nevertoocoldforicecream
Thank you this is a good idea I'll definitely look into it.

I think we can pay it all back. I'm the bad guy though destroying everyone's dream. 😢

Yes he says he has.

I know I feel sick. My heart raced at points like I'm going to have a panic attack.

Great way to do it. It's just a couple of weeks.

He’s spent £15k on flights and nothing else? You need to look at it all properly and face up to it, take control as this is madness.

I mean emotional support. Or help with childcare if for instance I got a second job. Just having someone to talk to even. A lot of bereavement in the past few years and family emigrated. No one left.

I think we can pay it all back. I'm the bad guy though destroying everyone's dream. 😢

You aren't the bad guy you appear to be the only adult in the room.
I'm strongly suspecting your dc will be just as happy with a trip to the UK seaside, some ice cream and chips.
My dc have travelled plenty but not when they were little because honestly they loved UK attractions. Thomas land, Legoland, a trip to the beach etc.

Yes I'm with you. Hence why I feel horrendous about it xx

@NewYorkNewYork24
Why don't they get it? They actually think they're doing you a favour. They don't see what they're doing at all.

He is an idiot to take out a loan for a big holiday in a cost of living crisis!

Prices for everything will be going up again this year as it is.

Id be totally fuming with him op...

To be even the tiniest bit kind toward your dh, is he also suffering from the bereavements? Ten years is a long time without a decent holiday. You could work towards and plan for something nice you can do as a family. Just not be in debt over it.

I was left owing half of £110,000 as he forged by details.

I'm amazed you're as calm as you are. Your DH absolutely knows he's done a ridiculous thing and he's just trying to style it out. Your position is already precarious. I have to wonder why he's taken such a huge amount and whether he's got some other secret debt that he's hoping to pay off on the sly. If my partner did something as stupid as this, I would separate all financial ties and for you, that would mean divorce.

Obviously the details of the loan and the holiday matter in terms of how this is going to affect you financially over the next few years.

But the big question you need to ask yourself is - can you stay with a man who will do this without discussion?

Does he disrespect you in other ways? Is your current situation - in your 40s and just scraping by - down to joint decisions, or has he made other decisions/pressured you into agreeing to things that are not so wise financially? Does he generally step up when things are difficult (e.g. I see you mention you getting a second job if you could get childcare, is that something he’s as likely to contemplate as you?) or is he just going to coast and let you fill in the gaps and hope it will all turn out okay?

The man is an idiot.
Nobody needs a huge expensive holiday.

Has he included travel insurance?

Didn't you post about this last week? I think it was agreed that he was being an irresponsible twat then.