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Original poster

15K loan without my knowledge

142 replies

christmas00stressballs · 01/01/2025 20:46

Looking for kind responses please. What would you do if your DH took out a 15K loan without your knowledge? In his name but I'm expected to help pay it off.
We struggle. We only just make ends meet. We have no savings.
I feel sick about it. I'm not coping.
For context, I don't know where we can save elsewhere. We need 2 cars as we live rural, 2 young kids, 1 in nursery. I'm in a low paid job, jobs are scarce where we are. Only hospitality and those are unsociable hours.
Please put yourself in my shoes.

OP posts:
Xenia · 01/01/2025 21:22

So there is a personal loan and so far he has just booked flights for the 4 of you. He probably has the rest of the loan money sitting in his bank - ask to see his online banking and take photos of the exact sum sitting there.
Next ask for a copy of all emails he has had from the loan company so you have a full copy of the contract - you may be able to pay some back eg if he has just spent £4k on flights get the remaining £11k paid back to the loan company - you do it with him - don't rely on him to do it.

Next look at flight cancellation rights. Even if you lose some of the flight cost that is better than a £15k debt. You may be able to change the flights to something that is much cheaper and still works for the family.

It sounds like he thinks it is fine to take important family decisions without including his wife. I would ramp up your involvement in everything - get copies of his pay slips the day they come out, see his pension details etc etc

Gymsharkandcoffee · 01/01/2025 21:22

christmas00stressballs · 01/01/2025 20:58

For a holiday of a lifetime.

This would be enough for me to leave someone.

if he was paying it back himself it’s a different story but if he’s expecting you to contribute then he absolutely should have had the conversation with you. If the money hasn’t been spent I’d make him use it to repaY the loan immediately

parietal · 01/01/2025 21:22

I'd be furious and make him cancel the holiday and get a refund of as much as as possible.

Most importantly, something like this should be a joint decision, not a surprise.

Second, holidays with little kids aren't so relaxing and th e kids don't remember. Much better to do a campsite in the uk when they are little and save for Disney or whatever when they are 10 and will enjoy it.

Cancel the holiday. Get back all the money you can.

Heatherbell1978 · 01/01/2025 21:25

You say your kids have never been abroad but they're tiny!! And will likely not remember any holiday you do now. We went to Bali when my kids were 18m and nearly 4 and neither remember a thing (now 7 and 10). I could almost understand if you had teenagers as it's nice to have those memories but at their age it's stupidity.

bifurCAT · 01/01/2025 21:29

What sort of holiday? If it's just lying on a beach, you could get a week for four in Morocco for under a grand.

A beach is a beach...

If it's something like a safari, I'm inclined to agree with him on principle, but not price. I'd be seriously looking at cost saving options to bring that down by a good 50%.

NewYorkNewYork24 · 01/01/2025 21:30

ExH took out a £10k loan to buy a new motorbike because he couldn’t be bothered to sell the other 2 first, found out when I got a notification on my phone saying it had gone in to the joint account. It was in his name but payments coming out of joint account so me helping to pay it off. Then had the audacity to text me from upstairs to tell me rather than come speak to me.

ArkaParka · 01/01/2025 21:32

OP this is idiotic and you need to get out in front of this before it’s too late.

Speak to your DH and make it clear that getting into debt for a holiday is ludicrous and you won’t allow it, especially when you barely make ends meet. You will have to suffer day to day for YEARS as a result and it just isn’t worth it. See whether you can get any money back on the flights. If you can’t, cut your losses and pay the rest of the loan back. The flight money is a stupid tax at this point and sunk costs theory (we’ll go on a cheaper holiday so as not to waste the flight money) will only end up with you spending a boat load of cash you don’t have.

For context, my DP and I have very well paid jobs and love to travel but we have never spent anywhere near £15k, or even half that, on one holiday. You’re talking here about living like millionaires for two weeks only to live like church mice for the next five years! Put a stop to this now.

Em1ly2023 · 01/01/2025 21:40

christmas00stressballs · 01/01/2025 20:58

For a holiday of a lifetime.

This is a lovely notion until the reality of repayments bites, you have to spell out the implications to him and see what can be cancelled / repaid ASAP! Spontaneity is great, but this is just irresponsible.

RobinEllacotStrike · 01/01/2025 21:41

The biggest thing is my trust would evaporate- if my partner made a decision like this for my family without my involvement I think the relationship would be over. I don't see how I would be able to ever trust him again.

The financial implications for you all are massive for some time coming. You should of course have been involved in this decision.

Does he often feel the need to be seen as "the man" or a "hero"? This sounds like the actions of an insecure ineffective person.

poemsandwine · 01/01/2025 21:45

christmas00stressballs · 01/01/2025 21:04

@BoldExpert
We haven't been abroad for over 10 years the kids have never been abroad in their lives. We are in our 40s with young kids. My husband thought that we would soon be too old and that we should do it now.

That's ridiculous. Travelling internationally is not a right. His priorities are out of whack. I'd be furious. And I would no longer trust him, so that's not a great foundation for a marriage.

RobinEllacotStrike · 01/01/2025 21:45

If the flights were booked online I think you get a cancellation window?

Sassybooklover · 01/01/2025 21:47

Are your children old enough to remember or even appreciate this 'holiday of a lifetime'?! Where on earth are you going to need to spend £15K on a holiday?! You don't need to spend £15K to go abroad as a family on holiday. The amount is absolutely ludicrous! I would be furious if my husband took out a loan for this amount, for a holiday. No holiday, is worth that amount of money, if you're struggling to make ends meet. I would also be furious, that he'd gone ahead booked flights and never discussed it either. Of course the reason he booked the flights and took the loan out without telling you, is because you wouldn't have agreed to it!! He knows that. Now, he expects you to help pay back £15K that he took out!!! I'm not surprised you are worried. Any loan money he hasn't spent, needs to be paid back.

Miloarmadillo2 · 01/01/2025 21:52

I’d be incandescent - he’s signed you up to hundreds of pounds a month servicing this debt for the next 5 or so years. If you can actually find hundreds of pounds spare in your budget every month then start saving that and go on a £2k holiday in a year. You need to look at how you can get out of this - can you cancel the flights? Is there a facility to pay the loan back early?
This would make me reconsider the whole relationship.

SabreIsMyFave · 01/01/2025 21:58

Xenia · 01/01/2025 21:22

So there is a personal loan and so far he has just booked flights for the 4 of you. He probably has the rest of the loan money sitting in his bank - ask to see his online banking and take photos of the exact sum sitting there.
Next ask for a copy of all emails he has had from the loan company so you have a full copy of the contract - you may be able to pay some back eg if he has just spent £4k on flights get the remaining £11k paid back to the loan company - you do it with him - don't rely on him to do it.

Next look at flight cancellation rights. Even if you lose some of the flight cost that is better than a £15k debt. You may be able to change the flights to something that is much cheaper and still works for the family.

It sounds like he thinks it is fine to take important family decisions without including his wife. I would ramp up your involvement in everything - get copies of his pay slips the day they come out, see his pension details etc etc

100% this.

I find it utterly preposterous that a middle aged man with a family/young children has taken out a loan of £15,000 for 'a holiday.' Confused

I just can't get my head around it. At all. I would be getting my ducks in a row right about now @christmas00stressballs

I mean WTF?! Confused

Chonk · 01/01/2025 22:01

Silvertulips · 01/01/2025 21:18

We have no one to call upon for support

What support do you expect? Them to pay it back for you?

No. The OP literally explained what she meant in the remainder of her post. Such as family etc to perhaps save money on childcare for instance.

Cyclebabble · 01/01/2025 22:04

Attitudes to money differ. IMO it is daft to take a £15k loan to fund a holiday. If your kids have never been abroad you could save up and do a much lower budget version in Europe as a starting point. I would be furious if I was not involved in this major decision with DH. I would insist it was cancelled immediately and then discuss how you save jointly for a holiday this year or next.

Cornishclio · 01/01/2025 22:06

What I would do is sit your husband down and ask how he plans to repay this loan. Does he know repayments and has he already drawn it? I would tell him it is not ok for him to make such a massive decision without discussing with you first especially for such a large amount. Can it be scaled down?

He also needs a strong dose of reality. Holidays really need to be saved for. They are a luxury. No one needs to travel and if they cannot afford it then going into debt beyond a short term isn't sensible. How old are your children?

pilates · 01/01/2025 22:08

It would be madness to go on that holiday.

Cancel the flights and see if they can be transferred to another cheaper holiday and pay back the loan monies asap.

What a dick move by your husband.

SpringIscomingalso · 01/01/2025 22:09

That is bonkers. Literally abroad is the bees knees to risk a marriage, roof over your heads and food for two infants? His IQ is properly 20

DoYouReally · 01/01/2025 22:10

You should ask him to repay the loan immediately.

If he can manage to save the monthly repayment amount for at least half the term of the loan, tell him you'll consider borrowing for the rest in 3 years time.

If he can manage that, then he has demonstrated repayment capacity.

How on earth did the loan get approved?

ThisIcyHare · 01/01/2025 22:13

Sorry, you only just make ends meet, yet he takes it upon himself to book the holiday of a lifetime without involving you in the planning?

something that big needs discussing if you need to be paying it back as well, but even aside from that, doing a big trip should be something you plan together so it’s the right thing for all of you.

£15k is and isn’t a lot of money in travel, depending what you’re doing, where you’re going and how long for. You need to make sure he hasn’t pissed it up the wall and you’ve got value for money, and has spent it with a reputable operator who knows what they’re doing, not just some random travel counsellor who is blagging it. Or cancel it and spend time saving money so the debt is less. Bloody ridiculous behaviour.

Pigeonqueen · 01/01/2025 22:14

That is WAY too much for a holiday! I’m sure the kids would be equally happy with a week or two abroad so they can go on a plane somewhere nice for about £3-5k if he was really desperate to do something. £15k you can’t afford is insane.

Snapncrackle · 01/01/2025 22:15

What’s the surprise .. that you have to pay for a loan that you didn’t ask or want

charming

Miloarmadillo2 · 01/01/2025 22:17

On her other thread @christmas00stressballs added the pertinent information that their mortgage repayment has just increased by several hundred pounds without income increasing so she was already worried about that, and that she is scared how ‘D’H will react if challenged.

RebelMoon · 01/01/2025 22:18

christmas00stressballs · 01/01/2025 21:04

@BoldExpert
We haven't been abroad for over 10 years the kids have never been abroad in their lives. We are in our 40s with young kids. My husband thought that we would soon be too old and that we should do it now.

This is crazy.

"The kids have never been abroad in their lives" - they're young kids, they won't know any different, plenty of time for them to go overseas when they're older.

"We would soon to be too old" - you're in your 40s FGS, not exactly ancient!

You need to face this head on OP, get full details about the loan and what's been booked so far then deal with it.