Hi all,
I'd really appreciate any opinions on this, as I feel myself and my DH have a slightly complex financial situation, and I have found myself feeling resentful recently, but I'm not sure if this is reasonable or not.
We have been married a few years now and very happy generally. Our DS was born last year and DH is a really good dad, but he's been struggling financially for quite some time now and I am starting to feel fed up with it. I'm of the opinion that we stick together through thick and thin, but I'm feeling resentful.
Between us we have assets. I have a flat and he has two houses. His houses have always given him problems, and I did say we should sell them, but he didn't.
When DS was born, we left my flat we were living in and moved in with my parents. This was a short-term plan. We assumed we would sell all our properties and buy a family home, but as we were unable to sell anything, we have ended up buying a property which needs a lot of work, and we won't be able to move in for a good while. I remortgaged my property to allow us to buy and I pay the mortgage out of the rent I get (I make a small profit from this per month). His houses have been costing a fortune, as the mortgages came up last year for renewal and the interest rates and service charges have meant that he pays around 3k for them every month, despite the fact they're rented out. He's self employed, and has been struggling to make ends meet due to paying the rent on his business premises and paying our mortgage on our new house on top of this. My husband has no savings and I do, so I leant him 20k to help him out. I know he hated accepting it, and is working on paying it back when he can.
I had to leave my job when we had DS, as we relocated, and I'm very lucky that I get a small salary from my father's company for the occasional bit of admin I do. As we live with my parents, we pay for all the food for the household, rather than pay rent. I offered to cover this, as my husband has been struggling so much. Generally I'm also really struggling to stretch what little money I have. I get around £1000 per month in total, and have to pay for all our household food, drink and everything my DS needs, from nappies to clothes, activities and toys etc. not to mention the occasional expense of a birthday or having a haircut. I never buy anything for myself or do anything extravagant. I have no money left at the end of the month, and I am becoming sick of having to be so frugal and stressing about it all the time. We do not have a joint account, so I feel that day to day for me and DS, it's all on me. I know my husband pays for our new mortgage and our car (we share it), but I feel generally let down and sad that we're in this position. Is this unreasonable?
My own dad is a fantastic provider and I've never felt financially insecure until now, but my husband, although a generous person, simply seems to have so many outgoings that he's drowning, and it makes me feel very insecure. I intend to go back to work in a new job when DS starts nursery next year, but at the moment, I don't see the point, as my income would only end up paying for childcare. I am not the sort of person who expects to have everything paid for, but I resent my husband for putting us in this situation, despite the fact it's not his fault, and I don't know how to stop feeling like this. Most women who are looking after a child full-time get at least some sort of housekeeping money from their husband's to help. Am I a terrible person for feeling resentful?