Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Grandparents inheritance row

87 replies

Parker28 · 19/11/2024 16:41

Hi, both my grandparents recently passed away and we've just sold the house. In the will they said they wanted £20,000 to go to each of the four grandkids and their two children to split what's left. This is around £80,000 for both their children. My dad is already quite financially stable, but my auntie has around £150,000 left to pay on her mortgage. She is also very impulsive and struggles to manage money (she'd already spent her retirement lump sum on luxury family holidays a year before receiving it). She's now suggested that my dad gives her his inheritance so she can pay off all her mortgage. My dad has agreed as long as it's done in writing that he will get the money back once her MIL passes away and she gets the inheritance from her. The issue is she isn't sure how much she'll be getting from the MIL and if the MIL goes in a care home, a substantial amount of it could be spent. I'm absolutely devastated that this might be happening. My grandparents were hardworking people, and I feel like my auntie is taking advantage of my dad because he's such a nice helpful guy. My dad is very careful with money, I told him on the phone today that as we lost my mum quite suddenly a few years ago he should spend it and enjoy life. But I'm also aware that whatever is left will be mine. Is it selfish that I don't want my future (hopefully far away) inheritance to be spent by my auntie? But I also don't want my dad to feel he can't afford to do things because my auntie has taken the money. I'm so shocked and frustrated that this may happen and don't know what to do. I've asked my dad to really think about what he's doing. He's normally so careful with money (despite being financially stable) but I just want him now to be able to enjoy life and do whatever he wants without thinking about the financial side of things

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 19/11/2024 16:43

Its your Dads decision.
If he is of sound mind he can give any of his money or assets away. You could make sure he is aware of the possibility of not getting paid back at all but after that you need to keep out of it

DoreenonTill8 · 19/11/2024 16:45

And what if the sisters family leave nothing to her?
Absolutely not, the money is your dad's, aunt should not get any.
It seems to be ever increasing this attitude
'I spend what I want, when I want, but it's everyone else's responsibility to look after me and give me money!'

ConstanceM · 19/11/2024 16:48

Tell your auntie to F-Off, cheeky bitch.
She blew her pension now she's greedily trying to swindle your dad out of HIS cash through emotional blackmail.This is utterly despicable, you need to sit your dad down and say NO NO NO! If the boot was on the other foot his sister wouldn't help him..Getting in writing that she will give £80k will mire in legal mess, even if she signed she could say she did so 'Under Duress" at a really stressful time blah blah blah. Siblings who blow their own cash have to own it and deal with their own financial ineptitude. It's not your dad's concern, he should enjoy HIS cash.

Winter2020 · 19/11/2024 16:52

I would tell your dad that if his parents had wanted to leave all their money to his sister then they would have. They wanted both their children to benefit.

FrenchandSaunders · 19/11/2024 16:55

Your dad needs to honour his parents wishes. They decided how their money should be split and that's what should happen. Greedy aunt should STFU and stop guilt tripping your dad.

Original poster
Parker28 · 19/11/2024 16:56

Hoppinggreen · 19/11/2024 16:43

Its your Dads decision.
If he is of sound mind he can give any of his money or assets away. You could make sure he is aware of the possibility of not getting paid back at all but after that you need to keep out of it

I know he's of sound mind and at the end of the day it is his decision. But it's an awful lot of money to be guilt tripped into throwing away

OP posts:
BarbaraHoward · 19/11/2024 16:56

I don't think you get a say here in terms of the impact on your own inheritance, but your aunt is a CF and your dad should absolutely feel free to say no.

If he decides to say yes, then that's his call and whatever they agree I would work on the assumption he'll get nothing back.

Cerialkiller · 19/11/2024 16:59

Why didn't she plan to spend her lump sum on the mortgage???!!

High probability she will spend the cash on something other then the mortgage imho.

Why doesn't your dad offer to buy that proportion of her house with the money. That way the value will form part of his estate. It will act as a no interest long term loan. Sister can buy him out when she inherits or anytime.

Hoppinggreen · 19/11/2024 17:00

Parker28 · 19/11/2024 16:56

I know he's of sound mind and at the end of the day it is his decision. But it's an awful lot of money to be guilt tripped into throwing away

Show quote history

You want to make sure he doesn't feel guilt tripped by you either though.
I am not suggesting you would but he might feel pulled in several directions at once by 2 family members he loves - even if one of them (not you) is a CF

Original poster
Parker28 · 19/11/2024 17:03

Cerialkiller · 19/11/2024 16:59

Why didn't she plan to spend her lump sum on the mortgage???!!

High probability she will spend the cash on something other then the mortgage imho.

Why doesn't your dad offer to buy that proportion of her house with the money. That way the value will form part of his estate. It will act as a no interest long term loan. Sister can buy him out when she inherits or anytime.

I didn't realise that was an option. I'm definitely going to suggest that to him. It's win win then. She gets the mortgage paid off and he has the security.
The lump sum from her pension she got was only around £30,000. But she could have definitely put it towards her mortgage

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 19/11/2024 17:03

you need to really emphasize to your father that if he does this, the odds of him being reimbursed are basically zero. If he is ok with that, then he can proceed, but if he is counting on getting even some of the money back, he would be a fool to do this.

Any contract they draw up will be worthless. there is no guarantee she will get a 2nd inheritance. Even if she does, odds are high he would have to go to court to get her to pay up. She could easily fritter away the money while the case languishes in court. He might win, but if the aunt has no money, a judgement in his favor will be worthless.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 19/11/2024 17:20

Might as well withdraw it in cash and set fire to it.

She can’t handle money

Ilovelifeverymuch · 19/11/2024 17:23

FrenchandSaunders · 19/11/2024 16:55

Your dad needs to honour his parents wishes. They decided how their money should be split and that's what should happen. Greedy aunt should STFU and stop guilt tripping your dad.

Disagree, the will has been honoured and he has every right to do what he wants with the money.

@Parker28 I agree with you that he will melt likely not get the money back and that's something he needs to be aware of and willing to accept, but unfortunately it's his money and his decision to make. You say he is financially fine yet you're also concerned he will run out of money if he helps his sister, that doesn't add up.

In summary as I said yes it's his decision to make so you can't stop him because you want him to keep the money for you to inherit in the future. Just speak to him about the risk that he may not get the money back so he is willing to take on that risk and since your father is sensible with money I would expect you will still inherit from him or is your inheritance plan from your dad based on the £80k from your grandparents?

Ilovelifeverymuch · 19/11/2024 17:25

ConstanceM · 19/11/2024 16:48

Tell your auntie to F-Off, cheeky bitch.
She blew her pension now she's greedily trying to swindle your dad out of HIS cash through emotional blackmail.This is utterly despicable, you need to sit your dad down and say NO NO NO! If the boot was on the other foot his sister wouldn't help him..Getting in writing that she will give £80k will mire in legal mess, even if she signed she could say she did so 'Under Duress" at a really stressful time blah blah blah. Siblings who blow their own cash have to own it and deal with their own financial ineptitude. It's not your dad's concern, he should enjoy HIS cash.

OP does not have a say and does not get to tell her aunt to f off. The decision lies with her father end off.

It's his money and his decision to make not OP. Yes I see where you're coming from re how she has mismanaged her money but that doesn't change the fact that it's up to her father to decide to help his sister or not.

Crikeyalmighty · 19/11/2024 17:27

It's up to him but I think he's mad -

BESTAUNTB · 19/11/2024 17:29

I agree with the posters who think that the grandparents wanted them to have the remainder split equally and that’s what should happen.

I know that legally he can do what he wants with his £80k but I feel that your grandparents’ wishes about the destination of the money were obvious and should be honoured. Your aunt is feckless but I’d say this if she were the female Martin Lewis too. The deceased couple made their plans clear.

JawsCushion · 19/11/2024 17:39

Daughter trumps sister. Especially one who has no financial intelligence.

ConstanceM · 19/11/2024 17:42

Ilovelifeverymuch · 19/11/2024 17:25

OP does not have a say and does not get to tell her aunt to f off. The decision lies with her father end off.

It's his money and his decision to make not OP. Yes I see where you're coming from re how she has mismanaged her money but that doesn't change the fact that it's up to her father to decide to help his sister or not.

Show quote history

You're partially correct but mostly wrong. If OPs father is being emotionally blackmailed or coersed in any way, she absolutely has to right to speak to her aunt. And anyway, why can't she tell her aunt to F-Off, there's no law against that. Are you the family police? Do you decide for the nation what people can and can't say to horrible family members? Didn't think so

Honestlyhon · 19/11/2024 17:43

Your dad would be bonkers to do this. Your aunt is a CF of the highest order.

EssentiallyItsTrue · 19/11/2024 17:45

I'd suggest your Dad get proper legal/tax advice. My idiotic husband lent a family member a not too dissimilar amount of money in a not too dissimilar situation. The elderly relative involved has now been in a care home at @80k per year. My guess is that we won't get a penny.
Has the Auntie got children?
I'd suggest your Dad buys a share of your Aunties home. Maybe putting it in your name? Your Dad could do a deed of variation within two years of his parents death (I THINK!)

unsync · 19/11/2024 17:50

He should use it to take an interest in your Aunt's house, then the money is ringfenced. He needs to take legal advice to find the most efficient way of doing this. Obviously if he takes a share now, then you get into the whole thing of ownership and maintenance etc, so it maybe that some sort of lien is registered against the property.

thatsawhopperthatlemon · 19/11/2024 17:50

If your dad is going to pay off some of her mortgage, then he needs it all legally signed and sealed that he owns a percentage of her house, and he needs his name on the deeds.

I think it is a disaster waiting to happen, but there you go.

LlamaDrama20 · 19/11/2024 17:50

Why doesn't your dad offer to buy that proportion of her house with the money. That way the value will form part of his estate. It will act as a no interest long term loan. Sister can buy him out when she inherits or anytime.

This, or something similar, is the way to go. When my father died, my brother kicked up a fuss because he said my dad had always promised to leave him the family holiday home (where my brother lived) but nothing about this was mentioned in the will. I was financially OK, but my brother less so, so in order to 'keep the peace' I lent my brother a chunk of my inheritance and it was applied as a 'charge' against his house which meant it would come back to me, or my estate, in the event of his death.

Mumsgirls · 19/11/2024 17:52

He could give her a loan secured on the property. Then whenever house sells, loan would be paid back, to either Dad or his estate ie you. Better than buying part of the house as she will have to maintain it. Use a solicitor to do this correctly, otherwise no!

ConstanceM · 19/11/2024 17:53

What's worse is the feckless aunt wants the whole £80,000. She has her own £80,000 and a mortgage of £150,000. The greedy bar steward only needs £70,000 from DB to pay her mortgage, what does the cheeky bar steward want with the extra £10,000, another series of holidays. Take a hike love, your taking the royal piss