Grandparents inheritance row

[Parker28]

Hi, both my grandparents recently passed away and we've just sold the house. In the will they said they wanted £20,000 to go to each of the four grandkids and their two children to split what's left. This is around £80,000 for both their children. My dad is already quite financially stable, but my auntie has around £150,000 left to pay on her mortgage. She is also very impulsive and struggles to manage money (she'd already spent her retirement lump sum on luxury family holidays a year before receiving it). She's now suggested that my dad gives her his inheritance so she can pay off all her mortgage. My dad has agreed as long as it's done in writing that he will get the money back once her MIL passes away and she gets the inheritance from her. The issue is she isn't sure how much she'll be getting from the MIL and if the MIL goes in a care home, a substantial amount of it could be spent. I'm absolutely devastated that this might be happening. My grandparents were hardworking people, and I feel like my auntie is taking advantage of my dad because he's such a nice helpful guy. My dad is very careful with money, I told him on the phone today that as we lost my mum quite suddenly a few years ago he should spend it and enjoy life. But I'm also aware that whatever is left will be mine. Is it selfish that I don't want my future (hopefully far away) inheritance to be spent by my auntie? But I also don't want my dad to feel he can't afford to do things because my auntie has taken the money. I'm so shocked and frustrated that this may happen and don't know what to do. I've asked my dad to really think about what he's doing. He's normally so careful with money (despite being financially stable) but I just want him now to be able to enjoy life and do whatever he wants without thinking about the financial side of things

It's one thing to assist someone who is in financial distress through no fault of their own (illness, redundancy etc.), and quite another to just give away a substantial sum to a profligate person.

However, I agree with others, if Dad insists then get legal advice as to how to place a charge on the property. There is no way that kind of money should be given with no strings. His sister appears to be just looking for a debt free life and then will spend spend spend what she would have used for the mortgage anyway I bet.

It sounds like it would be a loan rather than a gift- could it be protected with a charge on her house?

I don't know who your beneficiaries are, if you have any children but what happens if you die before your brother. He gets turfed out the house so that the beneficiaries can receive their rightful share? Seems all types of complicated to me.

If your grandparents wanted this to happen they would have left 150k their DD. They didn’t, and she’s a CF, I really hope our DF doesn’t do this.

Sorry can I ask what's a CF?

Cheeky fucker

You say your dad is comfortable, so he might feel he has enough to enjoy and to pass down to you, and would like to help out his sister.

She may have a case of her father was not if sound mind but she already confirmed that he is and he is careful with his money so you can't claim or prove she is manipulating him.

She is his sister and while I agree she has been very bad with money it's not out of this world for a brother to decide to give up the money to help his sister despite her failings and past poor decisions.

So again OP needs to stay out of it and stop trying to see if she can go tell her aunt to f off, that makes her very grabby. This shows that she is so dependent on the expected inheritance from her father. And as I asked in my last post has her expectation of inheritance from her father always depended on her grandparents?

OP can share her concerns with her father which she seems to have done and that's it, as long as he understands that there is a risk he may not get the money back then it's his decision, OP should focus on her life and stop fighting over inheritance from her grandparents when it's not her money or decision.

I can't believe that people exist who have the gall to say "Give me your inheritance because I've got more debts than you." It sounds like her financial situation is entirely of her own making. Even if she'd gone through a divorce and had to start again which is the reason for her still owing on her mortgage then the right thing to do is keep your mouth shut, accept what the will says.

I guess there may be some specific circumstances where your dad may take pity on her for good reason like if she was a victim of domestic violence and had to flee and start over, or if someone was unable to work through ill health.

But I assume the fact is she just terrible with money and spends more than she should on luxuries. Well, that's her lookout. Why should your dad have to fund her lifestyle?

It doesn't matter what the will says, he has every right to do whatever he wants with the money. He can set it on fire if he wants or give it to his sister or spending it travelling, the will does not matter anymore as long as it was executed correctly.

Initially I thought you were concerned about your dad but then you referred to his share as your "future inheritance" so you're not concerned about him enjoying the money at all, just what awaits you!

Yes I think you sound selfish and greedy, as much if not more than your aunt. You have already inherited from your grandparents.

I hope your dad keeps his inheritance and enjoys spending it on treating himself.

Your Aunt is a grifter who has targeted your Dad.

I hope so too, I'd love my dad to book a £70,000 world cruise and go on it tomorrow. Not greedy one bit, but my dad's just not that person. He doesn't like the luxury things in life, doesn't buy expensive cars or holidays. His main aim in life is to pass the money onto me. I'm being realistic, not greedy. All I want in life is for my dad to enjoy his life, he spent years caring for my mum and well deserves it, but it's just not his nature.

Your aunt is a cheeky fucker.

If your DF buys a portion of DA’s house (ie buys up the mortgage) or gives DA a private mortgage, it will stop DA using an equity drawdown scheme, or taking the money and not clearing the mortgage.

Because if DA is so certain she will inherit more, why not just wait for the inheritance.

i suspect DA will take the money and “need” a new kitchen, bathroom or holiday instead.

you could sell it to DF as protection for his DS, given her lack of sense with money.

He will never see that money again even if she puts it in writing

I would think it VERY cheeky of my aunt to ask my dad to use his inheritance to pay off her mortgage, but, I would respect that it is my dad’s choice to spend the money however he chooses.
If that means helping out his sister, then so be it.

This. You're Aunty sounds bad with money so now she wants to take your Dad's. I'd try to talk to your Dad and point out the other inheritance might go on care home fees, then what would happen?

Your aunt is awful. Imagine having the gall to ask this.

I’d encourage your DF to say that he feels he should respect his parents wishes. If they’d wanted her to have more, they would have structured their will accordingly.

He is crazy but I suppose it is his money to lose.

But I would want to make sure he understands that he is giving that money away for good, and he will never get any of it back. I wouldn't go along with the pretence that it will be paid back later, because in a way that serves to obscure what he is actually doing.

@Parker28 This does seem like an excellent suggestion. She gets her mortgage paid off and the value of the money is still your Dad's. Problems might arise if he goes before your Aunt though, so need to see a lawyer about how to protect his part of the house if he goes first.

This and make the points you have she has not put the lump sum towards the house she has frittered it away.

I can understand the frustration but as others say, maybe not your decision. Years ago, both my parents had inherited a portion of land from their parents and both signed it to over their siblings despite having a large family of kids and not having any sort of wealth. I honestly don’t know why they made this poor decision. I will never know because I have the type of relationship with them where I would never comment on their financial decisions. They never even saw a financial manager to discuss, just signed it away. The sibling’s kids now own the land.

What you have control over is making your own money and no one can interfere with that. This is what DH and I do, we worry only for ourselves and DC and would not make poor decisions as my parents have done. By the way, DH’s family doesn’t have anything either. DH and I are paving our own financial path!

I would explain that if he does this, he is changing the nature of the family relationships. He is treating his sister as his 'dependant' and she will ask again, no doubt. Who is his priority? Himself, you and his family or her family?