Grandparents inheritance row

[Parker28]

Hi, both my grandparents recently passed away and we've just sold the house. In the will they said they wanted £20,000 to go to each of the four grandkids and their two children to split what's left. This is around £80,000 for both their children. My dad is already quite financially stable, but my auntie has around £150,000 left to pay on her mortgage. She is also very impulsive and struggles to manage money (she'd already spent her retirement lump sum on luxury family holidays a year before receiving it). She's now suggested that my dad gives her his inheritance so she can pay off all her mortgage. My dad has agreed as long as it's done in writing that he will get the money back once her MIL passes away and she gets the inheritance from her. The issue is she isn't sure how much she'll be getting from the MIL and if the MIL goes in a care home, a substantial amount of it could be spent. I'm absolutely devastated that this might be happening. My grandparents were hardworking people, and I feel like my auntie is taking advantage of my dad because he's such a nice helpful guy. My dad is very careful with money, I told him on the phone today that as we lost my mum quite suddenly a few years ago he should spend it and enjoy life. But I'm also aware that whatever is left will be mine. Is it selfish that I don't want my future (hopefully far away) inheritance to be spent by my auntie? But I also don't want my dad to feel he can't afford to do things because my auntie has taken the money. I'm so shocked and frustrated that this may happen and don't know what to do. I've asked my dad to really think about what he's doing. He's normally so careful with money (despite being financially stable) but I just want him now to be able to enjoy life and do whatever he wants without thinking about the financial side of things

I think this would get very messy financially. Your dad would be wise to step back and not get involved.

Does your aunt really expect to receive an inheritance from her MIL? Is she still married to her MIL's son?

Surely the MIL will leave assets to her blood family in her Will ie to her son or grandchildren. I don't think daughter in laws are usually named as beneficiaries. I certainly wouldn't expect to be named in my MIL's Will but I would expect my husband to be a beneficiary and possibly my children.

My guess would be that she's talking rubbish to your dad to get hold of his money.

Lots of good advice on here but I'd say that I would want to honour the will & not get involved with your aunts crazy spending.

Your father is an absolute fool. Talk him out if it.

Never base a loan in something that may or may not happen eg. Aunts pay-day. Plus aunt would dispute it and I bet your father would not take her to court.

I would hate to have a parent like that.

I think it's hugely disrespectful of your grandparents memory for your father to consider doing this. And isn't he saying, indirectly, that his sister's financial security is more important than your inheritance? Also, we're talking about a mortgage pay-off, not some life-saving operation. Your dad sounds a bit weak, tbh.

You say your dad is financially 'stable' but has he made full provision for his own future? What if he was ill and required care in the future, but has handed over his inheritance to your aunt? Care costs can easily run into £50k a year in a care home. Would he then expect you to bail him out?

Ideally he should not get involved in this deal with his sister.

If he feels he really wants to/must then he should absolutely seek legal advice and set it up as a loan/charge, so that he/his estate can recall it if necessary.

Can I point out that if he gives that money to his sister, there might be a case a ‘deprivation of assets’ if he needs a care home later on?

I think you are being very presumptuous in your assessments Sherlock. You have failed to recognise or acknowledge that dear Father may indeed have his own equity and inheritance from his own property and or assets (separate from his own parents inheritance) which will give to his daughter so OPs concerns are NOT grabby for grandparents wonga. She is rightfully protecting her father. I'm sorry but the sibling is the grabby one and she knows it as she books her next Jet2 holiday.

It would be a no from me, he will never get it back.

His sister is an adult and responsible for her past actions.

Ah the joys of grandparents' inheritance and the destruction of family due to entitlement and fecklessness.
OP, you are not wrong. Protect your DF if you can and ignore the grabby aunt

Your dad would be mad - if well meaning - to do this.

However, your concern is as much for your own future inheritance rather than your father’s wellbeing. It’s his choice.

Update: This seems to have caused quite a debate. I appreciate most of your responses and was simply looking for advice. However, the replies that have called me greedy and called my dad names are uncalled for. Very disappointing.

I'm not greedy one bit. My dad is secure and has his own inheritance saved for me. I'm his only child (I'm 25) and we lost my mum very suddenly and unexpectedly a couple of years ago. He has spent the majority of his life caring for her but was fortunate before that to have a good job. He says that his main aim in life is to save his money for me. I would much prefer for him to travel the world or do whatever he wants with the money but he won't. He doesn't buy expensive cars or designer clothes. He tries to help out everyone he meets, but is also a typical tight northerner. If given the choice I would prefer for him to spend the money on himself, but he prefers to live a simple but happy life. I hope this makes things a bit clearer.

I have spoken to my dad again tonight. My auntie has refused to set up a payment plan with him and said she would use £60,000 of it to the mortgage but "save the other £20,000 back for holidays". My dad won't accept this so has refused to give her the money.

Thank you for all of those who have given genuine advice on this post. For those that haven't, remember to always be kind, especially if you don't know the full circumstances.

it sounds very unfair of the aunt to make this request

bravo your dad

If as you claim her dad has built up equity yet she is so concerned about the £80k then yes she is being grabby.

Again it's not her money and not her decision to make.

Her father is good with money and has saved for his future and yet she is so concerned about the £80k hit to her inheritance.

Her father seem sensible so I can assume he knows he is fine financially and is willing to help his sister despite her flaws, again it is NOT Ops decision which was why is asked earlier if her inheritance expectation always been based on her grandparents?

And based on OPs update my stance that her father is a sensible guy who can make his decisions stands true, it is and was not OPs decision, the decision lies solely with her father and he has chosen what to do. OP making a fuss about him giving his sister the £80k when she also says he has saved a lot for her future and he is financially secure is grabby.

My auntie has refused to set up a payment plan with him and said she would use £60,000 of it to the mortgage but "save the other £20,000 back for holidays".

Imagine just saying this.

@Parker28 Well done on your Dad refusing to give your Aunt the money. She was definitely in the wrong even asking, but to refuse to work out a payment plan and not committing to paying off the whole mortgage, does rather demonstrate how much of a chancer she is

Please don't suggest that to him without getting advice. I am in a horrendous situation after my mum's death, due to her having jointly owned properties. It's going to cost a small fortune in legal and court fees.

If your dad does this, it could work out, or it could result in an absolute nightmare for him or for you.

Oops. Missed your update. I'm relieved that he's seen sense.

My auntie has refused to set up a payment plan with him and said she would use £60,000 of it to the mortgage but "save the other £20,000 back for holidays".
Just scraping my jaw off the floor. Those who called OP grabby should be ashamed of themselves..Obviously cut from the same cloth DA.

What?? I thought all this time it was Cunt face 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I have spoken to my dad again tonight. My auntie has refused to set up a payment plan with him and said she would use £60,000 of it to the mortgage but "save the other £20,000 back for holidays". My dad won't accept this so has refused to give her the money.

The cheeky damn devil! I wouldn't be surprised if she now realises she's pissed on her chips and makes overtures promising whatever he asks if he will just change his mind - but she won't. She is obviously a thoroughly entitled CF and I am so glad your Dad now has her measure.

I know that passing an inheritance to your children is disapproved of on MN, but it is a normal thing to want to do. Of course any money could well disappear on care etc, but better that than to give it away to someone who is not your child to just piss away (or maybe give to her own children).

She won't be named in the will but her husband will. They've been married for around 20 years and are still together.

Never ever lend money on the promise of it being paid back from another inheritance. Inheritances are notoriously unreliable.

He's mad but it's his choice.

She is one of life's freeloaders; what a passenger.

In an ideal world people would intervene and tell her to accept the consequences of her actions and not weaken another persons finances. But that rarely happens.

Thankyou, I'm quite stable and settled. I am comfortable and have very few concerns about money. I'm so grateful for the £20,000 I'm getting from my grandparents. It's my dad's aim in life to pass on his money to me, not mine. I'd much prefer to see him travelling the world loving life.

This is a terrible idea.

Your dad and auntie should stick to the actual terms of the will. It won't do auntie any harm to "just" have her mortgage halved rather than being completely paid off. She's still quids-in and can pay off the other half if she gets another inheritance, or from income otherwise. She doesn't need to inveigle your dad's money from him.

@Parker28 while this is your dad's decision, your auntie has been very wasteful and has a helluva cheek even asking for your dad's share!! he should really tell her to get lost after spending a heap of money on long haul vacations instead of paying into mortgage! who is to say that she will still be with her husband when her mil dies? her husband's inheritance is his to do with what he wants, not for her to spend!!