Friends and family asking for salary details.

[FancyFran]

I recently got a new job and I have spent the last three weeks being grilled about my salary.
I'm a high earner but I don't buy much. We lost our home 15 years ago and it was traumatic. I now try to save and still have one DC in education. A family member lent us money after the crash that was paid back in full with interest. She seems to ask me on every phone call how my finances are. Most of my friends are wealthy, many don't work due to age or large divorce settlements.
I've been aggressively told by two I should tell them my salary as they're not gossips! (they are) How do I handle this? I find it rude and competitive. I'm at the point of telling them to f**k off.
Is this how people are these days or is it the location I live in (county town)?
Fwiw I have no idea how much they earn or have.

That’s so rude of them. I would never ever ask anyone how much they earn.

I think the “why do you need to know that?” is a good one, as suggested by a pp ( but don’t say it with a smile or with any humour or they will just laugh it off)

It turns the tables on them and/or it will embarrass them. I bet they won’t give an actual reason, because there isn’t any reason, they are just being nosey gits.

Hopefully that will be enough to stop them.

I'm not discussing it is what I would say

Excellent have some fun with it

You can say "I can't discuss it. My contract forbids it."

@Snowflake2 lots in your post that rings true.
I had a difficult childhood with a competitive mother who liked to pitch her four children against each other. She came from a good family who had cut her off.
My elder brother is dyslexic but had a a noble profession. He was my mother's favourite, an older sister who violently beat me up breaking my arm, nose and finger.and my younger late brother who was lovely. I'm NC with my sister but see her DC. I funded all our parents care as the sister was a single parent. Funny that she has no mortgage but likes to refer how she thinks she missed out on inheritance from our parents.
My cousin is the person who lent the money. I was about to be homeless with no money for forward rent until the day our house was sold. The banks wouldn't help due to the crash and just said no. No income no loan. Bastards. We had to pay six months up front and the money was returned quickly.
I had a company go bust on me last year but I'd saved money. No one was asked for a loan. The number of poor you calls.
I think with these nosy people I am unusual. They either inherit money or marry it. I chose not to. I:ve made a few more professional friends over the last few years. I don't have to hide any success. They're successful too.
I'd always help people, I'm currently owed a fair bit but I keep the loans small and don't let it worry me.
The rude friends are mainly from the school gate so perhaps we've outgrown each other.

@StepsInTime

You can say "I can't discuss it. My contract forbids it."

I wouldn't say that, the only reason an employer would ever ask that (if they even can legally) would be cause they're paying you less than your colleagues or vice versa.

If you don't want to say, just don't. If your friends and relations are the kind of people you think would react negatively, are they really the type of people you want to be around anyway?

I had a childhood friend who was hugely competitive with me and always wanted to know how much I earned. One time I just laughed at her saying why do you always ask me that - she hadn't realised apparently.
Anyway, once I took a career break she lost interest in our friendship.

My mum asks me money questions re mil, like how much money did mil gift dc etc. I just ignore the questions.
She says I'm disrespectful and rude for not wanting to share with her, and not a good daughter. So, may be, don't do that.

Every time I would ask a personal question back, they will quickly associate it with feeling uncomfortable and stop asking.

"How much do you weigh now?"
"When did you last have sex?"
"How old were you when you first started to get deep wrinkles?"

@H34th ah I do have a friend from my rookie days who use to want to compare salaries every time we met. We both worked in a local shop. She's not been heard of for years since I bought the big house. She was married to a very successful man from a rich family and spent far too much tine speculating on what he would inherit. Perhaps he ran off with the nanny, who knows.
I did give a lot of money to my family back in the day. All three lodgers are now dead so no one asks for accommodation.
However they do expect me to pay for the grown up children who are just as greedy. Mine ask for nothing. I don't think any of my siblings children have ever bought me a drink.
I fancy the lotto story the best. I'd like to see how long it is before they ask for a car etc (done that one before, ditto computers).Last year when they thought I was dying I got asked if I had a will! 😄

Just tell them it's none of their business and that they're very rude to ask. Then refuse any more discussion. Spend less time with them, if they ask why, tell them.

It's been cathartic getting it out of my headspace. Thank you all for your advice.

This is a great reply to the relative and I liked @BobbyBiscuits ripost to the nosey bystanders.

Congrats on the new job.
Persistently nosey people (like the school gaters) won't be deterred by hints. They have no filter and will keep on asking especially if you do try to avoid answers, since their antenna tells them there might be some gossip juice to be had. I used to find this very difficult.

Its fair to be as bald and blunt as possible with these types. They have no concerns about offensive digging with you, and therefore should take no offense at a blunt reply. If they do take offense, that's usually a plus as it gets them off your back.

"That's none of your business, or I wouldn't dream of prying into your finances." on repeat until they shut up is always worth a try.

You say "Mind your own business".

Job done.

This I think just keep saying a jokey answer or something like 50p a year. Hopefully they’ll get the message, or if it continues too much you’ll have to be blunt and tell them they’re being rude.

I like "mind your fucking business" myself

For someone so reticent about discussing financial matters with your friends & family, you are being remarkably forthcoming on here, where anyone who knows you could read it and put two and two together. And make 5, probably.

@blacksax my family are technophobes.
They think mumsnet is the devil's work. Perhaps you know me IRL. I never write anything that isn't true. I'm a very honest person.

Keep saying NO.
Closed answers every time OP

It is absolutely not on, that they feel entitled to know your financial information, which is one of the most confidential data. So it's harder for them to wriggle out of NO as an answer to such a sensitive subject.......I mean that is just crazy.

If you own your property don't divulge what you bought it for because that is also. way people try to figure out salaries of others

Some people are absolutely despicable, if she does your head in, give her a piece of your mind and tell her firmly to back off.

I would simply say, 'I have absolutely no intention of telling you. It's an appallingly rude question to ask someone and none of your business', and then change the subject.

If they asked after this I'd either put the phone straight down on them or get up and leave.

It's none of their business and you absolutely don't have to discuss it.

" I make enough to do me" and if they persist "Like I said, I make enough to do me".... and if they persist again repeat " you missed what I said? i make enough to do me" ...anybody for a cuppa coffee as you go towards the kettle or direct somebody towards the kettle.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked at these nosey parkers. Wow. How embarrassing for them.

I'm sure people in our lives are curious about our finances for a variety of reasons but nobody has dared to voice their curiosity. It's beyond crass.

I’m pretty honest and would bluntly say it’s none of your business. I can’t be bothered skirting around stuff and like to nip things in the bud quickly.

Stop laughing

Say that it's private/none of their business/nothing to do with them and you won't be discussing it

If they carry on, walk away/put the phone down

If your employers are as famously wealthy as you say they are, I hope they got you to sign an NDA.😂