Husband not giving me any money

[SonK]

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and already have a one year old daughter. After my maternity leave, I went back to work for a month, however as my pregnancy is high risk, I have been advised to take rest and decided to resign.

I was also working from home with my one year old which was very stressful.

My partner works part time only and is the main claimant for our joint universal credit.

We receive childcare tax credits, and some other benefits that I am also entitled to as I am not working at the moment. All the money is paid into his account.

However, he is not giving me my share for spending and I have asked him several times. In the last month I have had to purchase a pushchair for daughter, new car seat, dishwasher and now need to look into buying a double pram and other baby stuff for when newborn arrives.

I haven't even got into spending money for my own stuff or days out with my one year old.

If I contact the jobcentre will they give me my own amount of whatever I am entitled to separately into my bank?

Sorry if this is all silly but I have never been on benefits or universal credit (I have worked since 16)

I also have a universal credit appointment in a few weeks - I am pretty sure this is because I have resigned and did not work last week - the job centre is not aware that I am pregnant with my condition.

Thank you in advance : )

Are some of the benefits in your name only? Do you have your own account that the money can be paid into? Can you be added onto the account that the money gets paid into so you can have your own card for it?

Make sure the child benefit is in your name because in goes towards your pension credits.

He sounds controlling

He is financially abusive.

It is a joint claim and when we made the claim together, we gave his account which is a card he only has access to. At the time I was working and had access to my own money so I didn't think it was an issue.
That is exactly what I am wondering - if I could have whatever I am entitled to paid into my own account

Goodness, two adults, two children and half a job between you?

Have you actually resigned already or just plan to?

If not then don't, go off on sick leave for the rest of the pregnancy and then get Statutory mat leave. If in a year you're in the same position the resign at the end of your mat leave.

With regard your DH, the household money should be for the household and you should have access to it, not giving access is financial abuse. If there is no money because it's all being spent 9n household expenses that's a slightly different issue but you should know if that's the case and how the money is being spent.

I don't know enough about the methods of payment and such for UC but would suggest you get in contact with them and discuss your options.

Why did you resign rather than sign off sick? Surely you'll lose benefits if you resign?

You can request for the payment to be split so that you both receive an equal amount.

If you’ve resigned rather than gone off sick, that might impact what benefits you can claim and when. Do you have a bank account? Joint account?

Yes the child benefit is in my name, half of it I use for my daughters monthly spending the rest I am saving for her (birthdays, emergency, general savings)

Yes I have never had to ask him for any money because I worked and spent my own on myself, our daughter and house stuff. But now my savings from my maternity pay are running dry and I simply asked if I could have something towards daily spending.

I think he is being financially very controlling : (
Did not realise before...

Are you sure you should be getting childcare funding when there’s only half a job between you?

So what is DH actually saying?

What was the plan agreed before resigning?

I cannot imagine giving up my job without full joint access to family money for myself and children, so that must be so stressful for you.

*I was also working from home with my one year old which was very stressful.

My partner works part time only and is the main claimant for our joint universal credit*

So you have been working from home with a one year old. And your husband has a part time job?

However, he is not giving me my share for spending and I have asked him several times.

What does he reply when you ask? What is the money being spent on?

I didn't even think about signing off sick : ( It was getting really stressful I was working from home with my one year old - she wasn't coping in nursery at all and in the heat of the moment I just wanted to quit my job so I told my manager.

My iron is also really low (getting weekly iron infusions at the moment) because I had a lot of blood loss from my previous pregnancy and anemia so I simply didn't think about it with a clear mind

I would stop saving for your daughter and start saving it for yourself if you need to leave the relationship.

Is that all you can care about? She is being financially abused.

When I initially asked him he said he would give me money for spending, but he hasn't. I asked him again but he told me to just buy whatever I need and he will pay me back...but I hardly have any savings now. I will try to explain this all to him this evening

purchase a pushchair for daughter, new car seat, dishwasher and now need to look into buying a double pram

with "two adults, two children and half a job between you" why on earth would you buy a new pushchair AND then decide to look into a double pushchair

Misses the point...

I’m going to ask what we’re all thinking…why on earth isn’t he working full time?

Is there a good reason for him only working part time?

Yes I work as an online fraud investigator for luxury brands. I was in office before but because my daughter was not coping in nursery I worked from home. My partner worked part time and would sometimes watch our daughter but would constantly call me to prepare her meal, make her bottles etc because I was at home he thought it meant I was available so it just added to the stress

He has some ongoing leg pain and his job is labour intensive (construction). This is something he is treating privately with physiotherapy and sports massage. I actually booked some sessions for him because I was able to afford it.

So what does your husband actually contribute to the household, to the family and to your relationship?

He sounds an absolute deadbeat so far OP…lazy ,financially abusive and an incompetent parent to boot. Unless he is medically unfit to work full time of course. Which wouldn’t make his behaviour any less awful

What exactly are his redeeming qualities?