Husband not giving me any money

[SonK]

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and already have a one year old daughter. After my maternity leave, I went back to work for a month, however as my pregnancy is high risk, I have been advised to take rest and decided to resign.

I was also working from home with my one year old which was very stressful.

My partner works part time only and is the main claimant for our joint universal credit.

We receive childcare tax credits, and some other benefits that I am also entitled to as I am not working at the moment. All the money is paid into his account.

However, he is not giving me my share for spending and I have asked him several times. In the last month I have had to purchase a pushchair for daughter, new car seat, dishwasher and now need to look into buying a double pram and other baby stuff for when newborn arrives.

I haven't even got into spending money for my own stuff or days out with my one year old.

If I contact the jobcentre will they give me my own amount of whatever I am entitled to separately into my bank?

Sorry if this is all silly but I have never been on benefits or universal credit (I have worked since 16)

I also have a universal credit appointment in a few weeks - I am pretty sure this is because I have resigned and did not work last week - the job centre is not aware that I am pregnant with my condition.

Thank you in advance : )

How long have you been married, @SonK ?

Is the house rented privately? Are you named on the lease?

You need to leave him.

Why isn't he working full time?

What a deadbeat he is, what does he actually contribute? Get rid of him OP..

You need to stop saving your benefit and spend it on your actual needs. That benefit is funded by working taxpayers who may not be able to save for their own children!!!

Maybe they need to be clever with budgets? This benefit bashing is boring. OP was working full time and made the mistake of not getting a sick note.

You know you need to leave him, right?

Yes I think I now need to spend the savings from my daughter's child benefit. I am spending it on her monthly upbringing costs, however I thought it would be a good idea to save some - I used my own money which I earned and saved previously but as I was on maternity leave and now not working, my savings are almost gone

Deep down I know but because of my physical and metal wellbeing I don't have the courage to leave him. I will become a single mother with two children under two.

But currently to all intents and purposes, you are already a single mother in every meaningful sense, but he has all your money, costs you extra to feed and does nothing to help!

I spoke to him about it this evening and he said he is looking for another job but he won't give me any money and all I need to do is tell him to purchase whatever we need.

I am really not happy with this arrangement and I told him about it as I have never had to ask anyone for money and have always been dependant financially. I think at this stage I will speak to an advisor at the job centre to see if I can get whatever I am entitled to separately and also a less stressful job. My previous job I had to sit Infront of two computer screens all day with multiple programmes running at once and it got too much unfortunately especially with my one year old daughter at home with me.

Undisclosedlocation is right. You'd be in the same situation but with more money and without your abuser.

This. Why have a second child when you can't afford the first?!

We have been married for 3 years now, and my name is also on the lease. Yes we are renting privately x

Bloody hell, OP, if you're paid to work, you should not be looking after your DC at the same time!! They should be in childcare. It's totally unfair on your employer otherwise.

Your bf is financially abusive. You need to get the UC paid into your account.

And for God's sake get rid of the cocklodger.

It's not up to taxpayers to support you and your poor life decisions.

You can ask UC for a "split payments alternative payment arrangement (APA)" in the circumstances you describe (ie financial abuse)

See section 4:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/universal-credit-alternative-payment-arrangements/alternative-payment-arrangements#split-payments

Not helpful!

Of course she won't. :(

This woman is being controlled by an abuser. Honest to god why would you kick her when she is down? Not helpful, constructive or needed.

Op I think you should contact womens aid. You need help to find a way to leave this man who is happy to see his child go without.

The second child was not planned and I really don't think I could cope with an abortion without any regret. I will be working when my new baby is six months and will be taking exams to improve my career further for a better salary. I really just need a way to get through these few months.

In your shoes I would take the practical approach. Take whatever benefits you can get switched to you, ask him for money as much as possible too. Then have your baby, get back to work and in the meantime store as much cash as you possibly can to fund your escape from this pointless, abusive waste of space

I discussed with my employer that my baby has separation anxiety and was not coping at nursery. They really wanted me back at work because of my role and helped set up my remote working. They even assured me I could have my baby around for comfort as I was exceeding all my work targets within a week when I was back at work from maternity.

What a horrible post from you. This poor pregnant mother is here asking for help, not shitty abuse from you. Get a grip and some compassion.

Have a look at The Freedom Programme @SonK , you can do it on line.

It might help you see more clearly just how much your husband is manipulating and controlling you.
Take care of yourself, I hope you have family or friends who will give you some emotional support.

Not a helpful comment!

It sounds like you were highly valued in your job. Can you ask them if you can return part time?

Your daughter might be happier with a childminder if you can find one you like? Smaller setting in a home.

Please urgently get the benefits you're entitled to. I would also advise getting rid of the H. He doesn't seem to bring anything but stress and hardship to the equation. I'm so sorry.