Husband Prioritising Work Over Me Being Sick!

[Whateverrrrr]

First post! Help!

Do I have a right to be furious?

I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years, with him for 15. I’m 34 with three children ages 6, 4 and 2.

I am hardly ever properly ill, ever. I get run down a lot but completely carry on like most women. I’m a stay at home Mum and my husband owns his own business that he’s building back financially from the sh*t show that was Covid!!!

He springs on me today, after yes, having the kids for me because I woke up for the first time in years genuinely feeling so unwell. Tonsils like golf balls, fever, shivering, aches all over. He tells me he has to now go “be away for 2 days to do this deal I can’t miss it because it’s £5,000 so call your Mum I can’t help”.

I got up at 5am with all of them to give him a lay in because he was out the night before, feeling like hell. Only a couple of weekends back I had all the kids from Friday through till Monday and let him sleep all the time because he had a “stomach ache” but by the way, happened to suddenly be well enough Sunday night after all the kids got out to bed to go PLAY POOL AT THE PUB?!

He provides for us but this has struck a raw horrible nerve with me that 5k is more important than me so bye! No discussion. Won’t consider other ways to postpone the deal, nothing. I have to fire it out and this is something he “needs to do”

It feels so pathetic and weak the way he says he might not get this chance again this month. I want a guy who will drop stuff for me and not stress and fritter about money. I secretly wish he’d say; “Darling, it’s 5k, can be made next week, you rest up I’ll call them and say I can’t make it”

No such thing. I’m so upset, he’s still going.

Am I being unreasonable? We had a roaring argument and I told him I’ll remember the next time you’re poorly and that basically it’s obviously I’m
not allowed to be sick. There is always “something on that is very important”

I told him this will be the most expensive 5k you ever make when I throw this marriage down the drain, take half of the house and let you know how far now we’re all on each others priority lists!

I told him if someone offered me 5k or to look after him and the kids because he was very sick I wouldn’t have to think. It’s be him and the kids. Obviously that’s not reciprocated. I am furious. Do I have any right to be?

Thanks Mums x

Exactly how much looking after your DC have you done today, in between arguing with random people on the Internet? You obviously posted expecting everyone to agree with you and have just got more and more dramatic as the majority of posters could understand why DH went to work.
Have some painkillers or a glass of wine and relax a bit.

It's not us hung up on the money. It really isn't.
But you, are OBSESSED with it.

I was a sahm. It can be relentless sometimes and unfortunately you don’t get sick days from it. Tonsillitis can be really horrible though. It’s up there with worst I’ve ever felt.

Sounds like you and DH have more than just this one issue to be honest. Because we always prioritised my DH job, unless there was literally no way I could look after the kids. But he did his share with the kids and the house evenings and weekends so I never felt that the split was unfair.

sounds like your DH work is very unpredictable, and so 5k could make a big difference to your finances. Certainly I’d suck up feeling unwell and just soldier on for 5k, but maybe it’s less money to you! Tv on, easy snacks, it won’t be a great few days by any means, but it’s survivable. I wouldn’t invite my parents over if they would make more work for me!

I would have had a different response if I said: “husband wouldn’t look after me while I was ill and went out instead”

It’s obviously about work and money. I am getting - he works, you don’t, so shut up it’s okay if he takes time off work whilst he’s poorly but not okay if he takes time off work whilst you are poorly!

I get it! Women on here hate stay at home mums I understand that. And think that you should accept no help just because your husband makes some big bucks now and then. All coming from women whose husbands don’t - so they wouldn’t get it I imagine!

I don’t know why I thought anyone would understand it’s too much or a nuanced situation.

And that I’m not ill enough. I looked after my two toddlers whilst pregnant with my third and I had pneumonia. He gave me drips and drabs of help over 2 days then I was on my own heavily pregnant, him away, and very sick.

I guess you either have to be in hospital or earning as well if you want a right to complain about treatment! And how you earn your money as well, I suppose I have to be Jill from Accounts to be acceptable, glamour models who got their little ta TA’s out not welcome or acceptable!

I am receiving this all loud and clear!

And to anyone asking kids have mostly crafted or watched tv whilst I have been on the phone or cooking now running a bath. I’m here “parenting” anyway. So half day off DECLINED.

I’ll just remember this next time I fancy making some money again and he feels sick. Obviously he’ll have to suck it up! HA!

He won’t be back for 2 days and nights on this business trip now so back to the slog of everything with no time off, after having the kids all week because he was also working although he said “I gave you Friday morning off!” And he said; “I took them out today!” (For 3 hours because I told him I’m absolutely shivering here with fever and chills.

I told him I wanted him to honour weekends as a family and that fell on deaf ears too. Work is always too important. We are mismatched. I am not like this.

Well, that's good. Glad you're feeling better.
So to recap.
Despite being at death's door, you've fallen out with your husband, rung your parents to complain, made them come over, sent them away again, cooked, supervised arts and crafts, posted more on MN on your "first thread" than most of us do in a year etc.

If this is you at death's door, then after a lemsip you're Superwoman.

We were also supposed to be having a date night tonight - long due - and he never even mentioned it or said sorry he had to cancel, leapt straight into work. Here was me feeling bad I was not feeling well and we were gonna have to rearrange. I don’t know why I bother.

So you think people are disagreeing with you because MN hates SAHMs?

LOL!

I birthed all three of our kids no pain killers and the midwife told me “you can’t be in labour or you wouldn’t be able to talk to me” SHE WAS WRONG. Some people don’t have to act and “look” poorly to actually feel it. It’s not a cookie cutter thing.

It’s called Celtic blood. I’m made of stronger things okay I have an infection need anti biotics have a fever have the chills - WHATEVER - we’ll deal with that Monday can’t be bothered anymore here’s to more single parenting till God knows when suck it up ay thanks girls!

You’re all mostly horrible! HA! BYE Mums net!

Got to do bedtime and my parents are still here by the way but either help or don’t who would ask for a coffee??? It’s ridiculous surrounded by selfish idiots.

I don’t know why I bother.

Stop then! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve had lemsips all day it’s what’s kept me sane and from strangling him before he left the door.

Y’know what! I am and will!!!!

If someone doesn’t value you, help you when you ask for it like once in a blue moon - why bother?

I want people I can count on not tell me they “have stuff they need to do” and money they need to make. I’ll use that one next time go out and work and sod him!

So you're having a dramatic flounce. You don't seem to have much insight into your behaviour and attitude.

I’m beginning to think that none of this is real.

You’re all mostly horrible! HA! BYE Mums net!

Ok. Bye then!

Gotta love a good flounce

Oh my word!!!!!

This is all weird.

Going out and working are 2 different things.

I don’t hate stay at home mums. I do think it’s weird when people pick a set up then moan about the downsides. Instead of building a different career, you decided not to work. You agreed not to do too less photos. You know money is a problem and just carried on as is. So more pressure is on him. You and him chose all this now it’s not good enough and you want to play the victim.

I am the only in this household. As a single parent. I am in a position where I can pick and choose what help and support I want or need: it’s the beauty of having a career. Again, my choice. So I except the pros and cons.

You made choices. Which included marrying someone who would enable you to stop working. You say you don’t care about money. But actually you do. You say 5k is neither her nor there. But if money and debt wasn’t an issue, he probably wouldn’t be working this much.

I think you are angry that the pair of you aren’t secure enough to maintain your (both of you) lifestyle and have him working less.

At this point, money seems an issue so you don’t have a leg to stand on when he is trying to make every bit of money he can. That’s your problem.

Celtic blood? You are made stronger.

Behave 😂😂😂😂

Date night but they have no one for child care, more holes in this story than in Leerdammer cheese.

wait, have i misunderstood this? You mean he isn't out earning £5k today? He is spending£850 hoping to sell it for £5k at some point?

& this is why they are in debt and the business struggled during Covid. He is spending £850 in the vague hope that someone will think they would like to spend £5k at some point in the future. All he is doing is buying stock, not turning it over into liquid assets. This time next year they'll be millionaires!

We don't hate SAHMs. We just tend to think that some are a little naive when they are entirely dependent on their partner. In reality you have no means of supporting yourself, probably have no pension, but make dramatic threats about divorcing him when in reality you are trapped. Life would be a whole lot trickier for you without your DH.

You are now talking a load of bollocks

That is a lot of money. I would just suck it up unfortunately as he is providing for his family. Who can turn that amount of money down?

That doesn't pay for food on the table unfortunately! Maybe you should go to work and ease the pressure off him?