Mother Hiding Cash

[ZekeZeke]

I'm one of 7 siblings, father is deceased.
My mother (narcissist) has fallen out with each of us at different times over the years.

My youngest sibling 40 (married, works and has a 2 year old) never left home. Her and her DH/DS live with mother.

It's understood and known that she will inherit the house. It's in the will (I've not seen will)
However, my mother purposely doesn't lodge her pension into her bank, she collects it in cash and keeps it at home. She has a separate pension paid into her bank.
My sister pays all the bills.

The reason she is keeping cash is because she doesn't want everyone to know how much she has and also so it won't be shared among us, her children.

There is no point telling her the dangers of keeping cash as she will hasn't admitted she does this.

My question, when she dies how can we prove there was a pile of cash?

Why would you want to prove it?

If it’s so you can get your hands on it when she dies, it’s a bit shitty of you.

I don't think it's fair that youngest gets the house AND the cash.
If that's what is in the will so be it but it won't be as we could contest the will. Her solicitor advised her to divide her savings between us all to seem to be fair legally, when in fact it isn't.

It’s up to your mother. Assuming you’re in England and you’re not financially dependant on her, there is no legal reason she needs to give you any money in her will.

Whether it’s fair is a different matter, but no one is going to make her give it to you before or after death.

Its none of your business what she does with her money, this cannot be serious?

A. I'm not in England.
B. I'm financially independent
C. Her will states money to be split. This is my point. The money won't be the real total

again it is none of your business

I'm deadly serious.
Youngest is inheriting the house-no issue with that.
Savings will be split x 7.
However, as she has this cash in a box somewhere it won't be added to her savings and youngest will obviously get that too.

If it was in a will fine, however it's not. And it's purposely not to stop us contesting.

Honestly, you just need to disengage. It’s not worth your sanity, how ever much your sister gains over the other siblings.

You're giving this far too much head space. If there are seven of you then, unless you're talking loads of cash, there'll be next to nothing for each of you anyway.

But basically it is her will, whether she's writing it down or not.

She's doing what she wants with her money. That is her right, shitty though it may be.

The only issue there may be with this is if she is using it to avoid inheritance tax I guess.

Honestly, way too much head space.

Your mother sounds horrible and presumably you don't trust your sister to be honest / do the right thing.

Even if her left over pension stashed in cash is £200k (which I would be astonished by as it will be NO WHERE NEAR that) it's £29k to you.
On paper it's a decent sum but if you are spending a decade hand wringing over it I'm really not sure it's worth it.
But that sum wouldn't be life changing to many people especially those in their late 40,s or 50s

I think your mum has made it clear what she wants to do with her resources and you have no choice but to go with that. However, you'll always know her views and can reflect that in the way you respond to her. As she ages I suspect your sibling would benefit from family support in caring for her (especially as she lives with her) and you can make your own decision about how much of your resources you give.

But if you haven't seen the will how do you know what is or isn't in it?

If your sister pays all the bills then perhaps your dm is giving her money and you don't know.
Whatever she's doing it's none of your business is it?

Verbally told.by mother

Tbh just leave it. The reason your mother is stashing it at home is she doesn’t want anyone but your sisters to get it. Leave them to their toxic ways and just cut your ties. Don’t let your mother have this power over you.

@GreatGateauxsby - ^what they said

You need to disengage. You are acting like this is your money that your mum is hiding from you. It isn’t. It’s her money. She doesn’t want you to have it. Surely you have to respect that?

regardless of who is morally right or wrong here, do adults not have the right to decide what they do with their own money?

@ZekeZeke just to add I can empathise and understand how frustrating this is 100%. I’m in a similar situation but my mother isn’t a narcissist. She thinks she’s being fair, whether I believe that or not, I have to accept her decision. As soon as you recognise you are not entitled to someone else’s money; then it’s very freeing! I wish you well. I hope you manage to break free from your mother.

Wow, im not surprised shes cutting you out of the will. What will you do if upon reading the will you find that it actually leaves everything to your sister?. Stop being a money grabber - there is no way that you will know how much money shes keeping hidden.

A will is only relevant when a person dies.

Your mother isn't dead!

Currently, the money is your mother's to do what she wishes. Keeping it in a bank/ pension fund/ safety box is her choice.

After she dies, if money held in cash isn't included in her estate during probate, a crime will have taken place by whoever knew about the cash and failed to disclose it.

If you fear your sister will not disclose the money, the issue is to do with anticipating your sister will commit a crime in the future. Your mother's behaviour is making this easier for your sister, but the issue sits with what your sister will do after your mother dies, not with your mother and her choice of where she keeps her money.

How do you know her will states that if you haven’t seen the will?

The reason she is keeping cash is because she doesn't want everyone to know how much she has and also so it won't be shared among us, her children.

If she doesn’t want you to have the cash then it’s her decision, I understand that might feel unfair but it’s actually none of your business what she does with her money.

Why would you believe this when you don’t have a good relationship?

If you’re financially independent act like it and stop obsessing about other people’s money, she can do whatever she likes with it.