Mother Hiding Cash

[ZekeZeke]

I'm one of 7 siblings, father is deceased.
My mother (narcissist) has fallen out with each of us at different times over the years.

My youngest sibling 40 (married, works and has a 2 year old) never left home. Her and her DH/DS live with mother.

It's understood and known that she will inherit the house. It's in the will (I've not seen will)
However, my mother purposely doesn't lodge her pension into her bank, she collects it in cash and keeps it at home. She has a separate pension paid into her bank.
My sister pays all the bills.

The reason she is keeping cash is because she doesn't want everyone to know how much she has and also so it won't be shared among us, her children.

There is no point telling her the dangers of keeping cash as she will hasn't admitted she does this.

My question, when she dies how can we prove there was a pile of cash?

I’m sorry it is hard and I can understand how unfair it seems. My mum has written me out of her will and it’s painful that her favourite child will get the lot, but I’m resigned to that. It hurts that as a child I worked hard, studied, was a really good child yet 40 years later her favourite child will get the lot. But it’s her choice. I went no contact with her after she told me about the will - not because of the money, I’m comfortable and don’t need it, but it’s just more evidence that she doesn’t love me. I rarely think about her and I am so much happier

As the saying goes, a verbal promise isn't worth the paper it's written on. Three of us and DM told me her will was a two way split as one DB had already had a substantial chunk. When it came to it she did a three way split so he came in for more on top of that.

I never said I had a bad relationship with her?
She has fallen out with us all over random nonsense over the years. At the moment she is speaking to us all with the exception of one brother.

How do you define a good relationship? You describe your mother as a narcissist, she has fallen out with you before and you are annoyed at her hiding her money so you can’t inherit it.

for that majority of people that is a bad relationship.

If you want advice on practical steps about something involving a legal process, you'll need to say which jurisdiction you're in. Personally I wouldn't touch this with a barge pole, being financially independent gives you the luxury of not having to get involved with this sort of shit. But if you intend to nonetheless then you need more specialist advice then you're going to be able to get from the information given.

Is your youngest the type to say "Hey, there's all this cash, here's your share"?

Tbh, if my Mum was as you describe, I wouldn't want a penny.

My Mum and Dad are amazing. I don't want a single penny of their meagre estate when they go. I want them to live life in as much comfort as they can afford.

Agreed.

Despite it making no material difference to her life as she is financially independent it is clear OP wants to pursue this irrespective of the wasted mental energy.

OP you will need local country specialist advice.
One method might be via a forensic accountant although you’d need a specialist one and it would likely cost £££ making the 1/7 share even smaller… 🥴🥴🥴

I hope your sister understands that if your mother's health declines she will be the main carer as she stands to gain the most among the siblings. How is it going to work if your mother needs to move into a home? the house will have to be sold to pay for it. I am in a similar position but I have just one brother,he has already gained a lot from my mother estate (she bought him a house, what was promised to me never materialised). I have been very clear with my brother,any care and running around for her will fall on him .

Honestly that sister is saving you from having to step in and do a lot for a mother who sounds quite unpleasant. Unless the cash is hundreds of thousands, I'd see it as a good deal.

No one deserves an inheritance. It is up to the bequeather what they give to anyone unless local laws state otherwise. Would I be hurt if my sibling inherited more than me? Yes. You already know your mother is a narcissist and she's playing game after game with you and your siblings. I'd be looking at counselling or therapy to help deal with it. If you let it go she has no power over you.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
The house won't need to be sold to pay for care, we are in Ireland, only 17% of The value of the house is used if a person needs to go into a care home.

So your mother doesn't want you(s) to have it.

You might want to ask yourself (selves) why.

@stealthninjamum same here but at least I have a lot of siblings so we could lick our we are not as loved as golden child sister wounds together.

@PaintPicturesBlueandGrey isn’t it sad? My mum actually justified why she wasn’t giving me anything by saying she had already given me my inheritance - except I left home when I was 18 and she hadn’t! We just have to focus on treating all our kids the same, with love.

Wow. The absolute outrageous entitlement on this thread. No-one is entitled to anyone else's money, regardless of what is said, promised, written, hinted at or rumoured.

Stop obsessing about who's getting their mitts on your mothers cash and how UNFAIR it is that she can hide it from you. Listen to yourself! Your mother can do exactly what she wants with her own money and if I thought my daughter was behaving like you I'd give every last penny to the cats' shelter.

My point is, her will states split cash x 7.
However, her money is not in her bank account, it's hidden. That's dishonest to me.

Dishonest of who? Of your mum? She can do what she wants with her own money and obviously doesn't want you to have it. It must hurt but it is what it is. I'd just move on if I were you.

Are you quite sure she hasn't given the pile of cash to your sister already?

1. She gets to choose where she spends keeps or gives away her money- all of it. She is allowed to give extra cash to one of her children and not the others. There’s nothing wrong in what she is doing, even if you feel it’s unfair.
2. Your sister is quite vulnerable- your mum could choose to kick her out at any time. Be glad you are independent and don’t need to organise your life around a narc.

Regardless of the hidden money, you are getting a better deal than your sister.

To the PPs who don’t understand your expectation- it’s a thing when you are brought up by someone unreliable. It’s as though the fairness of the will is the last scrap of hope you have of fairness and basic care from the parent.

I’m financially ok, but often mull on my unreasonable mother’s estate. If she left it the cats’ home after all her shenanigans, I’d be cross!

What your dm does with her pension is up to her, and absolutely none of your business.

How much she gets, spends or sticks in a biscuit tin under the bed is also nothing to do with you !!

Why don't you try enjoying her company while she is alive, rather than grabbily eyeing up the spoils.

What you think is fair is irrelevant. And her solicitor can advise whatever they like - and she is entitled to ignore that advice.

I have a solution for you though. Move mum to your house, and she can hide all her piles of cash at yours. No? Thought not.

It is beyond vile the amount of people who seem to be squabbling about the money they are entitled to be left before their parents are even in their graves.

Look if it contradicts the will and means “proper provision” hasn’t been made you can bring court proceedings (citing section 117) against your sister.

Section 117 is the succession act but the only winner will be the solicitors and your sister will likely never speak you again.

QUESTION: if true, your sister must know all the cash is being stashed. what is her point of view?/what is she saying about all of this? Does she want to keep all the cash and cut off every sibling she has?!??

Well, first of all your mums not dead yet, so she may be frittering it all away on gin, chocolate eclairs and scratch cards for all you know…

Presumably your youngest sister will also be doing the lions share of any care, current and future? You could argue she’s entitled to more (the house) in that case.

I’d try to put it out of your mind OP. Unless its millions, divided by 7, it’s not going to be vast sums you all end up with, so probably not worth the upset.
I usually think equal shares are the only way for siblings to be treated, but it’s a bit much worrying about what she’s doing with her cash while she’s still alive to spend it herself.

Well if you think there is more money, then you report a theft. If she wants you to have the money, you will get it.

OP do you know roughly how much money the hidden cash amounts to?

So just to get my head round this - does she withdraw this pension cash each week and just put it in a box and leave it there? And presumably you think that it will just mount up into a large sum over time and when she dies your younger sister will take this cash as well as keeping the house?