Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Partner needs to pay more?

82 replies

Minnie41 · 27/07/2023 19:15

I’m not sure if I’m being “greedy” or if he’s being tight so opinions please! Partner lives in my house (5 years) have a child together (and I have 2 of my own) I’m now 2 days a week earning £490 pcm he’s earning £1500 pcm. He pays me £1000 towards bills, shopping etc but that’s only just covering everything. At the end of each month I’m about £100 short. I’ve asked him for help but he said he needs the extra £500 he gets paid so he has savings!?! I have to borrow off my children for food and fuel to get us to the next pay day. I’m so stressed. He is unhelpful in the house, moody. My parents look after my little one when I work so no childcare costs. I’ve tried cutting back but I have teenagers and uniforms etc.
I keep thinking I’d be better off a single parent :-(((((( but then feel guilty that I have to ask for him to help me :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
Minnie41 · 27/07/2023 19:18

Just to add that’s my income of £1490 (plus child benefit) I have £1200 of bills and £450 on food and fuel each month. Nothing spare :-(((( and he never offers to buy anything else

OP posts:
Whattodo112222 · 27/07/2023 19:20

He earned 1500 and gives you 1000 . That's 2 thirds of his pay. What do you spend it on?

WhatADrabCarpet · 27/07/2023 19:21

Tricky.
Particularly as he shouldn't really be funding your other children.

You have a low wage but you're relying on him paying more than twice what you earn yet it's still not enough.

What does you other children's father contribute?

Cloverforever · 27/07/2023 19:21

Why can you work more than 2 days a week? That's a very low income.

Original poster
Minnie41 · 27/07/2023 19:22

It’s towards bills, food & fuel.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 27/07/2023 19:24

Are you not entitled to UC with such low income?

It's hard to say really without an actual breakdown of your finances. He's paying a decent amount of his wage but it doesn't make sense for him to be building up savings while you're unable to finance your life. Did you have a discussion about finances and how he would contribute prior to having this baby, given you have two kids already?

I think your issue is not so much about who is BU but that you have a very low income between you and have an added complication of children from a previous relationship. Is there any way you can increase either of your earnings at all?

Original poster
Minnie41 · 27/07/2023 19:24

I’ve just gone back to work and we agreed part time but now my wages have dropped he just thinks we can manage. He won’t discuss money with me. No contribution from ex partner

OP posts:
buzzlightyearsgloves · 27/07/2023 19:24

He's giving you a third of your income. If you need more money you need to be working more and looking at other ways to maximise income rather than taking more from him.

gallop17 · 27/07/2023 19:25

Less than £2000 income for a family of 5 is pretty low. It's tricky because you're not married and he isn't father of the other 2 so I'm not sure pooling money is the sensible or fair thing here, I'd be looking to work full time I think. I assume you're getting getting UC on that income? Do you get child maintenance?

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 27/07/2023 19:27

He needs to pay towards nursery so you can work more hours.

katherinexix · 27/07/2023 19:27

How would you manage if he didn't live there? He gives you the massive majority of his wages for a house that he doesn't live in with 2 children that also aren't his. How much more do you expect him to give you?

PomTiddlyPom · 27/07/2023 19:28

There are 2 separate issues here:

  1. Money. In that respect you are greedy. He already gives you MOST of his income, and lives in your house rent free. He has zero power, you can kick him out anytime. Most posters would be advising a woman in his position to LTB or drop the contribution and save for their own place. Presumably his personal transport etc spends need to come out of that too

  2. General moodiness etc. That makes him a bit of twat. What good does he bring anyway?

Even if you have agreed to stay home PT he shouldn't be footing the bill for your two teenagers. 1.5K by itself is a very low salary so I'm not surprised that you're short. You simply cannot afford to work PT I'm afraid.

katherinexix · 27/07/2023 19:28

Sorry didn't mean house that he doesn't live in - I meant house that he doesn't have any claim on.

PomTiddlyPom · 27/07/2023 19:29

PomTiddlyPom · 27/07/2023 19:28

There are 2 separate issues here:

  1. Money. In that respect you are greedy. He already gives you MOST of his income, and lives in your house rent free. He has zero power, you can kick him out anytime. Most posters would be advising a woman in his position to LTB or drop the contribution and save for their own place. Presumably his personal transport etc spends need to come out of that too

  2. General moodiness etc. That makes him a bit of twat. What good does he bring anyway?

Even if you have agreed to stay home PT he shouldn't be footing the bill for your two teenagers. 1.5K by itself is a very low salary so I'm not surprised that you're short. You simply cannot afford to work PT I'm afraid.

Also forgot to add unless you live in London he could live in a flatshare with his own room for much less than that so how is he benefitting here again, exactly?

GoodChat · 27/07/2023 19:30

I think you need to work more than 2 days a week.

Presumably the money he keeps goes towards his commute etc?

AlwaysFrazzled88 · 27/07/2023 19:30

He gives you most of his wage. He is entitled to feel he might want to keep some back plus you as a couple need savings. That sounds sensible to me.

AlwaysFrazzled88 · 27/07/2023 19:31

You also need to work more then.

Whattodo112222 · 27/07/2023 19:32

I think its a bit unfair OP. If he was giving you a measly amount we'd all rush to say you're not unreasonable but he's giving you more then half his pay to also fund two children that aren't his.

Ponderingwindow · 27/07/2023 19:34

im not sure on what his exact contribution should be because he shouldn’t need to pay for your other children. It’s obvious though that the household can’t afford for you to be part-time.

He should be contributing to child care fees to facilitate you working full-time

Whattodo112222 · 27/07/2023 19:34

You essentially wouldn't be able to cope financially either if he moved out etc..

WhatADrabCarpet · 27/07/2023 19:35

Not getting money from your ex partner does not equate to asking for more money from your current partner.

You need to work full time to support your children and you need to claim CMS.

Wheretostartstitching · 27/07/2023 19:35

There’s 2 separate issues. If he doesn’t nothing round the house and is moody then you would be better off without him. Your kids would too.

How old are your kids, that you are borrowing money off.

In regards to the money, he doesn’t have a rights to the house and must leave if you want him out. Despite this he is paying a huge chunk of bills and running costs. Even though 2 of the people who live there aren’t his children.

Women moving in with men who have kids are consistently told to make sure they aren’t paying over and above and subsidising his kids. Especially, where they have no rights to the home.

I would guess he also has other personal costs.
You may be better off as a single parent. Financially. But also because you sound unhappy.

But I don’t think he is wrong to build up savings as you could make him leave at anytime.

GrumpyPanda · 27/07/2023 19:35

Is everybody overlooking OP works part-time to care for their shared DC? Older kids are teenagers. DP needs to contribute to make up the difference to FT/ pay OP half a nanny's salary for the days she's off. Or OP goes back to FT and they share the childcare costs.

FloweryName · 27/07/2023 19:36

It’s fair that he should be able to save because he has the insecurity of living in a house he doesn’t own and has few rights to.

You can’t expect him to pay for everything your teenagers need, it sounds like he’s already contributing towards them. You need to work more unfortunately.

SheRaaaaa · 27/07/2023 19:36

You need to provide to you know op.

Swipe left for the next trending thread