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Original poster

Partner needs to pay more?

82 replies

Minnie41 · 27/07/2023 19:15

I’m not sure if I’m being “greedy” or if he’s being tight so opinions please! Partner lives in my house (5 years) have a child together (and I have 2 of my own) I’m now 2 days a week earning £490 pcm he’s earning £1500 pcm. He pays me £1000 towards bills, shopping etc but that’s only just covering everything. At the end of each month I’m about £100 short. I’ve asked him for help but he said he needs the extra £500 he gets paid so he has savings!?! I have to borrow off my children for food and fuel to get us to the next pay day. I’m so stressed. He is unhelpful in the house, moody. My parents look after my little one when I work so no childcare costs. I’ve tried cutting back but I have teenagers and uniforms etc.
I keep thinking I’d be better off a single parent :-(((((( but then feel guilty that I have to ask for him to help me :-(

OP posts:
SheRaaaaa · 27/07/2023 19:36

*too

WhatADrabCarpet · 27/07/2023 19:37

Moodiness and unhelpfullness aside, your current partner should not be providing for your older children.
Surely you know this?
And your current partner is paying so much more than you are, despite a shared child.

Wheretostartstitching · 27/07/2023 19:37

GrumpyPanda · 27/07/2023 19:35

Is everybody overlooking OP works part-time to care for their shared DC? Older kids are teenagers. DP needs to contribute to make up the difference to FT/ pay OP half a nanny's salary for the days she's off. Or OP goes back to FT and they share the childcare costs.

Why does he have to pay her half a nanny’s fee?

She doesn’t pay a larger portion of the house hold bills.

If he had to pay her half a nanny’s fees for the days she is at home. She should be paying a larger portions of the bills. The portion that covers her and her 2 older kids, plus half for the shared kids. So 70% of the bills.

How would that improve anything for anyone? Especially Op.

Tannedandfake · 27/07/2023 19:37

He’s not being tight! He’s giving you 2/3rds of his wage! You need to increase ur hours at work
Your partner isn’t responsible for funding your teenagers either

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 27/07/2023 19:37

Go onto entitledto.com and see if you would be better off if you were paying childcare, eligible for some of those childcare costs paid under UC and because you'd be able to work more.

He does not earn enough to subsidise you working part time so you need to work more hours.

Do you not get CM from the father of your 2 eldest children? If not you need to start a CMS claim to see if that would help.

Whattodo112222 · 27/07/2023 19:38

Is it a rented or mortgaged house op?

Wenfy · 27/07/2023 19:39

Give him a choice. You either return to work full time, and he pays 50% of the bills + 50% of the childcare, or you stay as you are and he gives you £400 more. He absolutely should not be saving while you’re in debt.

PomTiddlyPom · 27/07/2023 19:40

GrumpyPanda · 27/07/2023 19:35

Is everybody overlooking OP works part-time to care for their shared DC? Older kids are teenagers. DP needs to contribute to make up the difference to FT/ pay OP half a nanny's salary for the days she's off. Or OP goes back to FT and they share the childcare costs.

Well the OP claims that her budgetary problems are due to teenagers. If she'd be in the black working PT with only the one young DC then the partner isn't wrong!
Why should he pay for them. You cannot choose to share some thing and not others. If she has a claim to all of his earnings then he should have a claim to all of hers, including assets. Like her house.

Sadly this move in plan doesn't seem particularly well thought out, but now they have a shared child it's a bit hard to just kick him out except for the fact he's supposedly moody and unhelpful in the house. We don't even know fi that's true... what are teenagers doing for example? Are they sittin on their hands too

WhatADrabCarpet · 27/07/2023 19:41

No! He's paying 2/3rds of his salary towards not only supporting his partner and shared child but also towards her other children @Wenfy

YarisKaris · 27/07/2023 19:42

How old are your older ones that you borrow money off them?

GoodChat · 27/07/2023 19:44

GrumpyPanda · 27/07/2023 19:35

Is everybody overlooking OP works part-time to care for their shared DC? Older kids are teenagers. DP needs to contribute to make up the difference to FT/ pay OP half a nanny's salary for the days she's off. Or OP goes back to FT and they share the childcare costs.

She's getting paid the same to work 2 days as he does to work 5, more or less. Common sense would say she works more and he works less and they'll be better off.

Cornishclio · 27/07/2023 19:46

It is not his responsibility to provide for your teenagers and as it is your house technically he should not be paying towards the mortgage or he will have a claim on it if you split. If you earn less than £500 that is not enough particularly if you get no child maintenance from your teenagers father or UC. I suggest you look into working longer hours even if it means childcare costs. If he is giving you £1000 a month surely that covers his share of the bills and a third of the food bill considering he should just be covering his and his share for your 5 year old. Alternatively kick him out and see if the benefits you would get would be better. I still think you need to work longer hours though.

GoodChat · 27/07/2023 19:48

Minnie41 · 27/07/2023 19:18

Just to add that’s my income of £1490 (plus child benefit) I have £1200 of bills and £450 on food and fuel each month. Nothing spare :-(((( and he never offers to buy anything else

Hold on is your income £490 or £1490?

Ladychef · 27/07/2023 19:49

Minnie41 · 27/07/2023 19:24

I’ve just gone back to work and we agreed part time but now my wages have dropped he just thinks we can manage. He won’t discuss money with me. No contribution from ex partner

How did you cope before going back to work?

Ladychef · 27/07/2023 19:50

GoodChat · 27/07/2023 19:48

Hold on is your income £490 or £1490?

Show quote history

Presumably she means her wage plus her partner's £1k?

Wheretostartstitching · 27/07/2023 19:50

Wenfy · 27/07/2023 19:39

Give him a choice. You either return to work full time, and he pays 50% of the bills + 50% of the childcare, or you stay as you are and he gives you £400 more. He absolutely should not be saving while you’re in debt.

The flip side of that is that Op shouldn’t have the security knowing, if they split, she gets to make him leave and stay in the house, since he also doesn’t have the same.

You think he shouldn’t have security in is housing and no savings? How is that fair?

Hugasauras · 27/07/2023 19:51

GoodChat · 27/07/2023 19:48

Hold on is your income £490 or £1490?

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I think it's £490 and the £1000 is from her partner, so she's saying she has £1490 a month for everything.

MintJulia · 27/07/2023 19:51

How old are your teenagers? Are they working? Do they receive money from their dad? If they have left school/college, and are working, they could contribute too.

If not OP, I think you need to work full time, and share the cost of childcare with your DP.

Or work shifts so one of you is always at home.

PomTiddlyPom · 27/07/2023 19:51

GoodChat · 27/07/2023 19:44

She's getting paid the same to work 2 days as he does to work 5, more or less. Common sense would say she works more and he works less and they'll be better off.

Show quote history

Which is what people advise women NEVER to do for an asset owning unmarried partner...

LegendsBeyond · 27/07/2023 19:52

You need to work more than 2 days a week.

He’s giving you a big chunk of his money & he shouldn’t be paying for your older children.

Hugasauras · 27/07/2023 19:52

Surely there is some UC missing in all this though with those salaries and kids?

decaffonlypls · 27/07/2023 19:52

Ok so you need to add up each individual outgoings. Deduct the amount from each wage. Then add up joint out goings and each pay a percentage of remaining income so you have the same amount left over-

A
Wage £1000
Out goings £200
Remainder &800

B
Wage £2000
Outgoings £100
Remainder £1900

Joint outgoing s £2500
A pays £700
B pays £1800
Both have £100 left

Why would a good man want his partner to have a lower standard of living than him?

PomTiddlyPom · 27/07/2023 19:52

MintJulia · 27/07/2023 19:51

How old are your teenagers? Are they working? Do they receive money from their dad? If they have left school/college, and are working, they could contribute too.

If not OP, I think you need to work full time, and share the cost of childcare with your DP.

Or work shifts so one of you is always at home.

I'm wondering whether they are - she says 'borrowing off my teenagers'.
Which is actually not fair. They didn't ask to have a surprise younger sibling :)

PomTiddlyPom · 27/07/2023 19:54

decaffonlypls · 27/07/2023 19:52

Ok so you need to add up each individual outgoings. Deduct the amount from each wage. Then add up joint out goings and each pay a percentage of remaining income so you have the same amount left over-

A
Wage £1000
Out goings £200
Remainder &800

B
Wage £2000
Outgoings £100
Remainder £1900

Joint outgoing s £2500
A pays £700
B pays £1800
Both have £100 left

Why would a good man want his partner to have a lower standard of living than him?

Because said 'good man' has no rights. He could lose his home at any one time.
OP has all the power.
I'm glad to see the reasonable responses on this thread! If the sexes were reversed 100% woman would be told that she's a mug to be paying for shared children etc.

Him being moody and unhelpful IS an issue btw. Just separate from the finances.

GoodChat · 27/07/2023 19:55

@Hugasauras @Ladychef that would make sense - thanks 🙈