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Original poster

Boyfriend trying to get off Exs mortgage

112 replies

Sjxo92 · 21/07/2023 08:24

Just after some advice if anybody has been through similar??. Been with my partner two years. He split from his wife about a year and a half before we met. So they've been separated 3 and a half years. He's still been paying half the bills and mortgage for the house since he left. Which is leaving him with nothing every month after paying his mortgage, her mortgage and both bills . He's tried speaking to her about coming off their mortgage. He's offered to walk away with nothing to come off it. Even though he's done a lot to the old house it has come to the point that he will just walk away to get his name off it. She's refusing. Saying she's been to lenders who won't give her a mortgage on her own and that if she takes his name off her and their daughter will be homeless. ( He would never see his daughter homeless as he would take her in.. and his exes parents help her out with money as they're well off so they would never see his ex homeless either )... Has anybody been through this and is there any options without going to solicitors?? Obviously they come to a pretty high price which to be fair.. neither of them can afford solicitors fees. He just wants his name off the mortgage and to walk away from the house. Any ideas ? We don't live together so how money doesn't affect me but it's affecting him every month.

OP posts:
Whichwhatnow · 21/07/2023 14:47

Not going to comment on the morals etc of the situation or the legalities of the OP's BF getting off the mortgage. But it really is NOT always the case that all assets are marital property (including the BF's separate house).

If the house was purchased pre-marriage in the BF's sole name, was never lived in as the 'family home' and he can demonstrate that he was solely responsible for all mortgage payments etc in respect of it then it may very well not be included as a marital asset. This can get complicated, especially if finances were otherwise joint - which is another reason the OP's BF needs actual legal advice. But it's really not as cut and dried as is being presented here.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/07/2023 15:21

He will need to keep paying maintenance at least 12% of his salary until she is out of full tiem education. So it he earns £50,000 he will need to pay 50k a month. As it stands he's paying equity into the house so he'll probably be in a better position to ask for that back once it's sold tbh.

He needs to hurry up with divorce the fact that you're doing this life admin for him doesn't bode well for future

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/07/2023 15:22

Sorry I mean 500 a month

Chickpea17 · 21/07/2023 15:29

Start the divorce procedure and the finances will be sorted out along the way. I'll be very careful if I was you if they haven't got divorced after 3 1/2 years you're not being told everything.

MrsSquirrel · 21/07/2023 15:29

arethereanyleftatall · 21/07/2023 14:36

Right. So you're loads younger than him and he saw you coming. Wouldn't ask too many questions and he can spin you a yarn about it all being his exes fault. Of course he can pay for a solicitor. He just doesn't want to because it's not in his interest. Which he knows full well. Paying child maintenance for your own child who doesn't live with you is the law op. Where he gets super lucky is his own equity goes up whilst his ex spends this cm on their joint asset.

^This

This talk of "coming off the mortgage" is a load of nonsense. After 3.5 years, he is not divorced because he doesn't want to be. If he is not outright lying to you, he is just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. You sound very naive.

cestlavielife · 21/07/2023 15:33

They need to divorce
What about his pension amd hers?
It isnt just the house equity
Tell him to read up and get wise
Wikivorce

Dont do it for him

Whataretheodds · 21/07/2023 15:40

Foxblue · 21/07/2023 09:25

He's had 3.5 years to save the money to get a divorce. He's taking you for a ride.

He's waiting until his daughter is 18, isn't he.

Hibiscrubbed · 21/07/2023 17:20

20 years between us. I'm 30. Been together 2 years. He's such a nice bloke. We fell quite quickly. But my god. He never wants to do anything. When my children sleep out I like to make the most of the 24 hours I get free but he wants me to go to his and sit watching TV in the dark all day. I've found myself going round there later and later and keeping myself busy in the day to make the most of my free time. Sometimes I get him out but it takes a while... Think we've gone out for dinner four times in two years

From your other thread about being bored in this relationship.

He’s taking you for a ride.

RUN.

Farahilda · 21/07/2023 18:13

There needs to be a proper financial settlement, taking into account all assets - property, (which might include his house, depending on what he used as a deposit etc), pensions, other major assets.

Do not merge any of your financial affairs with his until this is done

Beeonmyeyelash · 21/07/2023 18:41

Hibiscrubbed · 21/07/2023 17:20

20 years between us. I'm 30. Been together 2 years. He's such a nice bloke. We fell quite quickly. But my god. He never wants to do anything. When my children sleep out I like to make the most of the 24 hours I get free but he wants me to go to his and sit watching TV in the dark all day. I've found myself going round there later and later and keeping myself busy in the day to make the most of my free time. Sometimes I get him out but it takes a while... Think we've gone out for dinner four times in two years

From your other thread about being bored in this relationship.

He’s taking you for a ride.

RUN.

This. Don't waste your life on him OP. You're not even living together and you're already "settling". He's not what you want, not really. He's not even free, he's married. You should be going out and having fun, not getting old before your time just because he is. This is who he is. And if his life is this slowed now, what's he going to be like in ten years time? You'll only be 40. Don't waste your youth being an old man's skivvy/carer when he can't even be honest with you about his circumstances. He's nice because everything is going his way, it's easy to be nice under those circumstances. Is he really nice though or is he just better than your ex? Ask yourself how nice is it really to be lying to you about wanting to get divorced? Men usually go after what they want believing they deserve it. So if he's not divorced he can't want it that badly. Either that or he's weak. Neither is good. Especially combined with being a liar, which he almost certainly is. Stay friends if you want, before the resentment gets too bad and you start hating each other, both wanting the other to be something they're not. But find yourself someone more suitable for the romance, someone you've got a future with. You haven't even got a present with this one.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/07/2023 19:12

Oooh well spotted @Hibiscrubbed
So I was right with the age gap. 💪
Obvious.

RedHelenB · 22/07/2023 19:26

Sjxo92 · 21/07/2023 08:30

Yes I think the rent and bills come to around £1000 a month and he's been paying £550 a month since they've split for the mortgage and bills.
Like I said he's offered to walk away from the house with absolutely nothing. Just to get off it .

Isn't this just him paying child maintenance,

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