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Original poster

Boyfriend trying to get off Exs mortgage

112 replies

Sjxo92 · 21/07/2023 08:24

Just after some advice if anybody has been through similar??. Been with my partner two years. He split from his wife about a year and a half before we met. So they've been separated 3 and a half years. He's still been paying half the bills and mortgage for the house since he left. Which is leaving him with nothing every month after paying his mortgage, her mortgage and both bills . He's tried speaking to her about coming off their mortgage. He's offered to walk away with nothing to come off it. Even though he's done a lot to the old house it has come to the point that he will just walk away to get his name off it. She's refusing. Saying she's been to lenders who won't give her a mortgage on her own and that if she takes his name off her and their daughter will be homeless. ( He would never see his daughter homeless as he would take her in.. and his exes parents help her out with money as they're well off so they would never see his ex homeless either )... Has anybody been through this and is there any options without going to solicitors?? Obviously they come to a pretty high price which to be fair.. neither of them can afford solicitors fees. He just wants his name off the mortgage and to walk away from the house. Any ideas ? We don't live together so how money doesn't affect me but it's affecting him every month.

OP posts:
Whattodo112222 · 21/07/2023 09:37

Op. Respectfully, you sound a littoral bit ignorant re mortgages etc. You can't just "come off the mortgage".

His options are:

Buy her out
She buys him out
If neither can do that then they sell the property and split the equity.
If she refuses to sell he can force a sale via the court.

I would say, just get some legal advice.

JaukiVexnoydi · 21/07/2023 09:39

Sjxo92 · 21/07/2023 08:48

Mum wouldn't be homeless either. She would move in with her parents and save up. ( Which they have offered before and she declined )

Show quote history

A 30/40-something woman being forced to move back in with her parents is homeless. Homeless doesn't just mean "on the streets" it includes everyone without a secure home that they have rights to occupy. Staying in someone else's guest room, even your own parents once you are old enough to live independently, is not a home.

Your boyfriend isn't showing a very good attitude here and it's not clear whether you have been bamboozled by his dishonesty or whether you are genuinely believing of your own accord that this woman should be treated so badly.

Your boyfriend shouldn't really be getting into any serious relationship yet so I hope he and you are just dating casually and not picking out baby namesjust yet. The priority needs to be setting up him and his ex in stable and broadly equal situations, with his ex having enough assets to be able to meet her ongoing costs and neither ex-spouse being massively better off than the other. If the child will live full-time with hum then your ex should continue paying CM until the child leaves full time education, regardless of said housing situation, as his basic responsibility to the human life he created. If his ex has less earning power than him because of sacrifices she made for the benefit of their family then he is responsible for the disparity in earning power and needs to pay for it.

But there are countless men who focus more on maximising their own future prosperity, and establishing their new life with the next woman, rather than meeting their obligations. This isn't a new story.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/07/2023 09:42

LolaSmiles · 21/07/2023 09:35

Tbh if he’s leaving it to you to do all his the research into what he needs to do when he’s had 3.5 years to find out I’d be very very wary. You’re picking up the wife work already…
Agree with this.

What stands out on MN threads is how often the men involved know exactly what they need to do to protect their assets and finances

My gut would be that he knows in a divorce his ex might be able to claim other assets, any pensions he has and so on so he's happy kicking it into the long grass for now and hoping that in the meantime he will get a new partner who won't ask too many questions/will buy the idea that it's all his ex's fault.

I think so.

especially if their child is 16. Kick it into the grass for a few years and then sort it all when he’ll have less responsibility to his ex for child maintenance And the likes.

GardeningIdiot · 21/07/2023 09:43

He already had his mortgage from before they were together.

Ah, so now we see why he is so keen just to walk away from the family home rather than divorce. He doesn't want the equal division of all assets that would come with a divorce. He hoping to dodge that.

Explains why you are trying to get advice online and not him.

GardeningIdiot · 21/07/2023 09:46

GrumpyPanda · 21/07/2023 09:24

If the house needs to be sold, the sooner the better given the state of the market. In the meantime, if he is paying half the mortgage ex needs to pay him rent for his half of the house. She's being massively cheeky about it.

😂 He's doing very well out of this atm, all considered.

I hope his ex gets some decent legal advice. If her parents actually are well off then it's surprising she hasn't had advice and started divorce proceedings.

onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 21/07/2023 09:48

So he's not actually paying the mortgage 🤔 that's just the way you have worded it to make it look more in your favour. He is paying an agreed amount of CMS not both

Even if she sells the house he'll still have to pay CMS for a 16 year old which is likely still to be the £550 if that's what he agreed with the mum

So what you are really saying is you begrudge him paying maintenance for his child??

Gazelda · 21/07/2023 09:52

He's likely got less than 10 years left on the mortgage for his first property. Can he extend the term to release some money to pay for a solicitor who will navigate the divorce and financial settlement?

Although if he'd saved just £10 per month since the split, he'd have had more than enough to fund this.

Which implies he's been hoping not to have to split his assets with his wife.

He doesn't sound likeable.

starfishmummy · 21/07/2023 09:55

Which implies he's been hoping not to have to split his assets with his wife.

This. He sounds a real catch for the OP. I'd be running

TheOrigRights · 21/07/2023 09:55

If nothing else, DO NOT start sharing your finances/home/anything with him until he's sorted out his current financial situation.

Fourmagpies · 21/07/2023 09:58

You don't need a solicitor to divorce though he probably will do if his ex isn't reasonable. Have a look at the Divorce board, there is a link at the top to Advice Now guides which detail how to divorce and how a fair split is calculated.

Mixtapes · 21/07/2023 10:01

If she defaults the mortgage he is still liable, very big risk.
He is also an idiot because any settlement will take pensions in to account, that’s another 3.5 years of pension payments. Was he hoping the divorce will never happen ?

Mixtapes · 21/07/2023 10:13

You don’t live together but it’s affecting him? That’s what you wrote.

Does that mean he stays more at yours and you are feeding him but he doesn’t contribute because poor ickle him is so hard up.

I had a mate whose BF stayed far more at hers as she had a big flat and he had a studio flat, he never seemed to put his hand in his pocket. She saw the light after a massive row about ham of all things.

AngelAurora · 21/07/2023 10:14

She can refuse all she wants, I would sell the house and she will have to find somewhere else, or she pays the mortgage and all bills as she is the one living it.

PrincessofWellies · 21/07/2023 10:17

Sjxo92 · 21/07/2023 08:33

She can't afford to buy him out. Just trying to find advice on how he can come off the mortgage without serious solicitor fees.

He can't.

Sylver75 · 21/07/2023 10:24

My sister had a situation where her ex went abroad to work and met a woman and just never came back, leaving her with a mortgage which he contributed nothing to from that point onwards. She couldn't get his name taken off because, similar to your boyfriend's ex, the bank didn't accept that she had the means to take it on by herself. It took several years before the bank agreed she could take it on by herself (she changed to a better job in the meantime) and even then it went all the way to the court steps before her ex finally agreed to sign off the mortgage and she had to pay him a settlement to get him to do that, despite the fact that he hadn't paid any mortgage payments since he had left 10 years previously.

Your boyfriend needs to at the very least have a chat with the mortgage provider and explain to them the situation and see what they advise. They will have dealt with situations like this so many times before and should be able to tell him & his ex how to proceed.

Persiana · 21/07/2023 10:27

This is so odd. It sounds like you think he temporarily dipped into a mortgage with her (they married and had a child, not a short term thing) and now can just dip out and go back to his other property (with you).
All their assets are in the pot for divorce purposes. Both houses. Between two houses they will be able, probably, to sort a situation where they each have a roof over their heads that can house their dd and each accommodate her for overnight stays. His wife shouldn't have to move in with her parents so that her husband can maintain his current life with a new partner!
I personally would step back and wait for his to actually face up to his reality and responsibilities and get divorced, agree a financial settlement before you go any further.

Whattodo112222 · 21/07/2023 10:28

Little*

Persiana · 21/07/2023 10:29

@Mixtapes about ham 😂

NancyPickford · 21/07/2023 10:31

@Sjxo92 Are you listening to what posters are saying? He can't - CAN'T - "come off" the mortgage.

truthhurts23 · 21/07/2023 10:31

It’s not really any of your business, let him handle his ex wife and mortgage
why did he take out another mortgage when he hasn’t dealt with this, this sounds self inflicted on his part

Mrsm010918 · 21/07/2023 10:38

So his daughter is 16 and he had a mortgaged home before he was with his ex, which sounds like it was quite a long relationship.

I can guarantee his other mortgage must be almost paid off and as it will be considered a marital asset his ex will be entitled to approx half the equity in that property in a divorce, along with savings, investments and pensions to be considered.

That is why he hasn't started divorce proceedings. He would lose out on a lot of his assets once they had been split fairly. And if the ex's family is 'well off' I'll bet she will have a decent solicitor to tell her that too.

Chances are a court could order that in order for him to 'come off' the mortgage on the marital home, he would be required to pay a lump sum to ex equal to half the equity in his other property, minus his share of equity in the marital home, which would make it affordable for her to take over the mortgage by herself.

Either that or both properties are sold and money split.

And on no planet does 550 a month cover half of a mortgage payment, bills, and child maintenance 🙄 I'd run for the hills with this one

GardeningIdiot · 21/07/2023 10:40

@Sjxo92, how much does he have DD?

Nanna50 · 21/07/2023 10:41

So actually he is paying £550 a month maintenance is that right? So it makes no difference if he’s off the mortgage he will still be paying the maintenance.

How much does he earn, the way I read it you said he has a mortgage too so he can’t be a low earner to get another mortgage. Has he calculated his CMS payments?

He can’t just come off the mortgage, as others have repeatedly explained. His daughter isn’t a charity case to be taken in. How often does his DD stay over?

His thought process seems to be get rid of the mortgage without paying any fees and her family can make sure they are not homeless and he just washes his hands of it all.

I would dump him and tell him to come back when he’s all grown up and sorted it. His parental responsibilities, his divorce and his financial situation

VeridicalVagabond · 21/07/2023 10:43

Respectfully OP from what you've posted here it sounds like this man has taken you for an absolute mug.

ArcticSkewer · 21/07/2023 10:47

He knows what he is doing.

He owns half the house she lives in. If they divorced while their child is under 18 he risks losing money. Right now instead of child maintenance (bye bye money) he is continuing to invest in an asset which he will sell in two years time when his daughter is 18.

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