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Original poster

Boyfriend trying to get off Exs mortgage

112 replies

Sjxo92 · 21/07/2023 08:24

Just after some advice if anybody has been through similar??. Been with my partner two years. He split from his wife about a year and a half before we met. So they've been separated 3 and a half years. He's still been paying half the bills and mortgage for the house since he left. Which is leaving him with nothing every month after paying his mortgage, her mortgage and both bills . He's tried speaking to her about coming off their mortgage. He's offered to walk away with nothing to come off it. Even though he's done a lot to the old house it has come to the point that he will just walk away to get his name off it. She's refusing. Saying she's been to lenders who won't give her a mortgage on her own and that if she takes his name off her and their daughter will be homeless. ( He would never see his daughter homeless as he would take her in.. and his exes parents help her out with money as they're well off so they would never see his ex homeless either )... Has anybody been through this and is there any options without going to solicitors?? Obviously they come to a pretty high price which to be fair.. neither of them can afford solicitors fees. He just wants his name off the mortgage and to walk away from the house. Any ideas ? We don't live together so how money doesn't affect me but it's affecting him every month.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 21/07/2023 10:48

he can’t come off the mortgage the only way is to go through the divorce and the financial side of it and then he can put forward his offer/come to a financial settlement agreement which is legally binding where the judge will rule how much of the house will go to each person then the ex wife can either be forced to re-mortgage in her own name or sell the house and buy something if she can afford.

till then your boyfriend cannot do anything unless his wife agrees to try and remortgage under her own name.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/07/2023 10:49

AngelAurora · 21/07/2023 10:14

She can refuse all she wants, I would sell the house and she will have to find somewhere else, or she pays the mortgage and all bills as she is the one living it.

With their child…

Shes his wife. He can’t just sell up without her consent or going to court.

This isn’t a 5 minute whirlwind where the girlfriend is taking the piss. They have a 16 year old child - this is a marriage, and sounds like a long one.

he doesn’t want to sell up as he knows she’s entitled to at least half.

AngelAurora · 21/07/2023 10:51

He said he walk away with nothing yet posters projecting and another character assassination based off snippets on here. Typical Mumsnet

ArcticSkewer · 21/07/2023 10:53

AngelAurora · 21/07/2023 10:51

He said he walk away with nothing yet posters projecting and another character assassination based off snippets on here. Typical Mumsnet

nothing except his whole other house, pension, savings, who knows what ....

winteriscoming2022 · 21/07/2023 10:53

My simple brain is wondering why they can't divorce, split the proceeds of both houses ( plus any other assets). Say both houses are worth £300,000, equity of, say £400,000 between the houses. That would be £200,000 each. I'm unsure if banks take into account maintenance payments but, say for arguments sake, your bf was to pay his wife £500 a month, that would be another £6,000 a year on top of her salary with which to pay her own mortgage.
Does he want to divorce as it doesn't sound like it

Marmight · 21/07/2023 11:03

He doesn't need to pay bills. He is not living there.
He doesn't actually need to pay the mortgage either as long as he is happy to have his credit history trashed and the house repossessed.
The house does need to be sold though and the divorce finalised
Could he buy his ex out and move in?

Im99912 · 21/07/2023 11:07

Simply put
they need to divorce
sell the house

he needs to force a sell if necessary
the longer it goes on the worse it is

her housing problem isn’t his her ability not to afford the problem isn’t his just like him being skint isn’t her problem

once divorced it won’t be his problem
he will just need to pay child support

yes they have a child
but if the mother wants to keep the child living with her then it’s her responsibility to house them both and claim child maintenance from him - like million of other women do

elenacampana · 21/07/2023 11:07

Sjxo92 · 21/07/2023 08:45

Oh goodness lol. I've never met her but my boyfriend is just skint and so is she so that's why neither can afford solicitors fees lol. I will get him to read all these over the weekend though !!

Show quote history

Why are you saying ‘lol’ all the time?

Mumtothreegirlies · 21/07/2023 11:14

It’s either that or pay the same in child maintenance. At least the house is an investment. Why are you so determined for his child to be without the home they grew up in?

Commentsonly · 21/07/2023 11:42

Sorry but this is his problem to sort out. I would suggest you don’t get involved. Lawyers fees can be taken from the divorce settlement…. Sounds like he’s not telling the whole truth / story to be honest.
I suspect he’s waiting another 2 years when his kids is 18 so he won’t be financially responsible anymore. If they do a settlement now the mum maybe entitled to more as she has to maintain the family home.

I am just speculating but if he really wanted a divorce he could get one.

Eupemiaroses · 21/07/2023 11:56

I'm not entirely sure whether OP is a troll or not the best person to be involved in money matters.

Regardless, judging by the 92 in your username, you are likely much younger than your boyfriend? I may be wrong but he's playing you like a trumpet. All this rubbish about being willing to walk away from the house...yeah I bet he is because then his pension and own property isn't fair game is it?

This one is a sly one. Very sly. I'm not sure why he thinks that 'coming off the mortgage' (what?!) means he wouldn't have to pay child maintenance anymore? Or is he hoping the wife actually does become homeless so he can take the daughter in and voila, no more maintenance? This has Disney dad written all over it.

The hills are that way OP.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/07/2023 12:15

AngelAurora · 21/07/2023 10:51

He said he walk away with nothing yet posters projecting and another character assassination based off snippets on here. Typical Mumsnet

Nothing except the other house, any pensions etc...

He's playing the OP like a fiddle.

LolaSmiles · 21/07/2023 12:33

I suspect he’s waiting another 2 years when his kids is 18 so he won’t be financially responsible anymore. If they do a settlement now the mum maybe entitled to more as she has to maintain the family home
I suspect the same.
It also means there's a chance the proper market will have recovered a bit better from its current issues.

It would surprise me if he hasn't already worked out a range of divorce situations and got an idea of which ones benefit him longer term.

I hope the OP keeps her eyes open and doesn't get sucked into merging finances or housing situations with him until this is all done.

Riverbananacarrot · 21/07/2023 12:37

Just to add,if it goes to court and they have a child under the age of 18 it can be granted that they cannot sell the house until the child is 18 or out of full time education. So he might end up stuck laying a mortgage for a house he doesn't live in.

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/07/2023 12:47

They have to do mediation first. That would be the best thing in the immediate term. It is likely the house will have to be sold if she can't take on the mortgage.

BoohooWoohoo · 21/07/2023 12:50

What he needs to do is use a CM calculator to see what is payable.
If it's more than 550 then he's getting a great deal and should wait a couple of years until it's zero. I suspect that this is why he hasn't divorced or pushed the issue.

A mortgage is granted based on your partner and ex's income. He can't "come off" the mortgage because the house sale went through based on his income at the time.

The choices are 1) sell the house 2) he gives her the difference between the mortgage and amount that she could get a mortgage for and she remortgages in her own name. Obviously 2 is madness.

Gillbil · 21/07/2023 12:54

GardeningIdiot · 21/07/2023 08:37

Why haven't they started divorce proceedings, 3.5 years later?

Exactly what I was thinking.

I think OP you aren't getting the whole story

Chocolateatanyop · 21/07/2023 13:01

They need to divorce and sort out a financial settlement involving all of their assets - both properties , pensions etc . I imagine he’s hoping to keep hold of his original home which is why nothing has happened in 3.5 years.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 21/07/2023 13:24

BoohooWoohoo · 21/07/2023 12:50

What he needs to do is use a CM calculator to see what is payable.
If it's more than 550 then he's getting a great deal and should wait a couple of years until it's zero. I suspect that this is why he hasn't divorced or pushed the issue.

A mortgage is granted based on your partner and ex's income. He can't "come off" the mortgage because the house sale went through based on his income at the time.

The choices are 1) sell the house 2) he gives her the difference between the mortgage and amount that she could get a mortgage for and she remortgages in her own name. Obviously 2 is madness.

Except if he has loads of equity in his second property and a large pension, #2 might be exactly what the court orders (or an even larger financial settlement depending on what percentage of the family assets the outstanding debt on the house is).

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 21/07/2023 13:28

As others have said, also wouldn’t surprise me if he is well aware his wife would get a large financial settlement which is why he is stalling.

Hibiscrubbed · 21/07/2023 14:08

It sounds like neither of them are particularly financially literate, they both claim to be skint, they’re still married, there’s a teen child and no one is changing anything.

If I were you, I’d walk away from this shit show.

Hibiscrubbed · 21/07/2023 14:08

And I’m dubious as to his real reasons for running the clock down.

Peony654 · 21/07/2023 14:12

he can’t just come off the mortgage. They need to get divorced and the house and other assets be split. They can use mediation which is cheaper than solicitors

BigBeeee · 21/07/2023 14:18

If they have borrowed money from a bank, their mortgage, they still have to pay it back wherever he lives. So they would either have to continue to pay, sell the house and pay off the mortgage that way or she could pay it back by herself if they both agreed she could keep the house. If she can't afford to pay it back by herself that would only leave selling or both continuing to pay.

£550 could be what he may have to pay in just child maintenance. So even if she pays it on her own and he gives up his share of the house he may be have to pay £550 or more to her every month anyway. If the child is 16 this will only be for the next couple of years.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/07/2023 14:36

Right. So you're loads younger than him and he saw you coming. Wouldn't ask too many questions and he can spin you a yarn about it all being his exes fault. Of course he can pay for a solicitor. He just doesn't want to because it's not in his interest. Which he knows full well. Paying child maintenance for your own child who doesn't live with you is the law op. Where he gets super lucky is his own equity goes up whilst his ex spends this cm on their joint asset.