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Original poster

Ex-partner deducting travel from child maintenance

111 replies

onight · 12/07/2023 14:21

Been through mediations. DD dad lives around 200 miles away. Signed a parenting plan two years ago to agree meeting halfway after he stated the drive was too long/expensive and dangerous. I don't drive so I'd get train and he'd pay for tickets; meet at station.

Getting strenuous as I work a lot, day to day parenting etc. ex sees dd every school holiday now as it was too tiring doing shorter intervals; this was agreed in one of the mediations too. Dd is now 10.

He took me back to mediation this week as he didnt see dd in may half term. This was due to him not coming to collect her from school as I had planned to go away with family for the weekend. He said he couldn't come as was working/had planned to meet at our halfway point. I stated that in mediation this week I'm not prepared to do the travel anymore, dd doesn't like it either. She doesn't really want to go either; feels like a spare part when she's there. And is now old enough that she doesn't want to miss out seeing her friends.

He has now stated that if he does the whole trip there and back, he'll have to stop over in a hotel. He's saying driving there and back in a day is too long and dangerous.

He pays £200 ish a month maintenance to me and is now saying the cost of the hotel and travel is going to be too much!! So he's going to have to take money out of my money?? Surely that's not right?

I suggested he stay up with us now and again instead but he said no to that.

Back at mediation in two weeks but he said it would be going to court now as he wants boundaries in place. I have a feeling a judge isn't going to favour his side and he will end up paying and doing all the journey anyway so I'm not too fussed.

But until then, I said he has to come collect her next week and he can have her for a week. He is saying okay but won't pay maintenance and also he won't be able to afford to pay for the extra things he pays for going forward if he has to travel.

Where do I stand here??

OP posts:
Original poster
onight · 13/07/2023 11:02

Nottodaythx · 13/07/2023 10:34

Can you look at a different holiday split? eg every other half term for the full half term. Two weeks in the middle of the summer?

I do know of dads who don’t pay any maintenance due to the distance and cost involved. They essentially travel and stay over once a half term to see their kids. They also have half holidays and their ex has to do half the journeys. The judge ordered this.

court is stressful, time consuming and expensive. I would avoid it at all costs.

He would not do that due to not seeing her often as it is

OP posts:
noglow · 13/07/2023 11:07

onight · 12/07/2023 14:57

Yes but it's only 12 times a year to do it isn't it. He travels a lot for work anyway.

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If its "only" 12 times a year I don't see why you can't do half

bobblyjob · 13/07/2023 11:41

onight · 13/07/2023 10:55

It's not a formal arrangement, it was a parenting agreement we both signed but it's not legally binding.

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Oh well that’s fine then. If it’s not a formal agreement 🙄You realise if you disregard it he can too and do whatever he fancies ?

Original poster
onight · 13/07/2023 11:50

@bobblyjob well I have her lining up here with me so there's not much he can do

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 13/07/2023 11:51

So would you accept it if he did all the travel but reduced your annual CM by the hotel costs?

You have unilaterally changed a mediated and functioning agreement to his disadvantage because it doesn’t suit you anymore. You can see why he is looking to rebalance time/finances on this basis.

quietnightmare · 13/07/2023 12:01

You have posted about this before 🧐

Learn to drive - and swop each time

Or Pay half the costs each

You both need to get a grip going back and forth with mediation. Make a plan and both of you stick to it for your child's sake.

blisstwins · 13/07/2023 13:22

onight · 13/07/2023 10:12

I have spoken to a solicitor this morning who has said that there is no written law who has to do the handover or meeting halfway etc. But I do not have to do it. So if he is taking me to court over it, to let him; they said the court should be in my favour due to being the resident parent and in fact he was the one who moved away from us.

This is exactly what I would expect. It seems fair too. As the resident parent you carry so many responsibilities. He may have moved “back home” but he also moved away from his child. He had more children—ok, he did that knowing he had a child in another city. OP has offered solutions, but forcing her to travel or be financially burdened is unfair. Father paid for her travel previously because he knew she was doing him a big favor. She cannot anymore, so he has to figure it out.

NecklessMumster · 14/07/2023 08:21

onight · 13/07/2023 10:25

Did he not go to court?

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No, no court involvement, supposedly sorted it out themselves.

GuinnessBird · 14/07/2023 15:27

If this goes to court OP I think you'll be in for a shock.

4mandaC · 16/02/2024 13:33

onight · 12/07/2023 14:33

My dd doesn't like it either tbh and she doesn't really like going to her dads much anymore. I don't want to force her to go.

I work full time and have another job to cover finances etc too. I'm tired.

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If your daughter doesn't want to go she doesn't have to as there is no court order in place. You can encourage her to call/facetime but ultimately it's up to her.

MyopicBunny · 16/02/2024 14:13

Good dads don't move 200 miles away from their child.

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