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Original poster

How do you sort your bills together when you’re on maternity?

95 replies

hunkydory13 · 17/02/2023 19:36

Hi all,

I’m just looking for a bit advice.

I am currently on maternity and my husband works full-time. I am currently receiving maternity pay (2 months full pay, 4 months half pay, 3 months statutory and 3 months unpaid). I am still classed as full-time employment (annual salary £25,000) and my husband is full time (annual salary £45,000).

We both pay half each on mortgage, bills, food etc and whatever money we have left we put some in joint savings and the rest of the money is what we have each to spend on e.g. night outs, cinema, etc (now of course our baby)!

We discussed that I will obviously be receiving a lot less income due to the maternity pay reducing but also when I return to work I will be going back part-time. My husband said that as of the time when I am receiving statutory pay he will pay more towards the mortgage, bills, etc and I will have some money (for baby, any lunches etc) which I thought was a great idea until he said when I go back to work part-time I will be paying what I paid before maternity leave. I find this a little unfair and wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

I feel because I’ll be going back part-time maybe he should still pay a bit more towards the bills than I should?

Any advice?

OP posts:
SaltnPeppaPig · 17/02/2023 19:38

He should have been paying more the whole time when he's on nearly twice as much as you. You should have equal amounts left over for fun money.

I wouldn't tolerate this. I'm on mat leave and everything is pooled.

Let him go part time/give up work and do the childcare for free and still contribute the same to the family.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 17/02/2023 19:40

He will quickly discover if you divorce that in law marital income is classed as fully shared. He is being completely unreasonable.

antipodeancanary · 17/02/2023 19:42

You pool all your money. You both have equal access to it all. Accept nothing less. If he won't do this he either doesn't like you or doesn't trust you.

TwistandSprout · 17/02/2023 19:43

i think your first response was too generous. You are a partnership and your earning potential is taking a huge hit as his carries on unbothered. He isn’t thinking about your pension or importance to the family is he? In our house there is money and from that the essentials are paid and the spare money is to be shared. Neither of us is stupid in our spending so the sharing is figurative rather than literal but the pint is that the money is ours whatever the source. Life is hopefully long and complicated, children, illness, unemployment can all wreck plans and should be preplanned for by a shared response. It doesn’t need to be the same as mine but should recognise your value.

mybunniesandme · 17/02/2023 19:44

Whose decision is it to go back part time?

Danikm151 · 17/02/2023 19:45

You should contribute proportionate to your income.
or pool together, pay bills then split what is left

isthewashingdryyet · 17/02/2023 19:48

All in one pot, pay all the bills from this including all child related expenses, and save some and then give each parent an equal amount of personal spending money.

you are married so it is all both of your money, and you are now a family.

not okay for him to have more money while you care for his child, lose pension and earning power.

are you really married, as at least you have some claim to his pension

BHRK · 17/02/2023 19:49

All our money is joint, we have the same amount of fun money, it doesn’t matter who earns what.
i wouldn’t accept anything less.
in your shoes, I’d tell
him I’m going back to work full time for a start.
what a selfish d*ck

Original poster
hunkydory13 · 17/02/2023 19:51

My husband’s initially as he stated it made sense since he earns more money

OP posts:
Sohappyrun · 17/02/2023 19:51

Why are you paying half each when he earns nearly twice as much as you? I earn more then husband, twice as much so we contribute proportionally to bills, childcare but when I was on mat leave he put in more

kikisparks · 17/02/2023 19:53

We each keep a small, equal amount of money for personal spends and the rest goes to the joint account or savings. Only fair way to do it when one partner earns less, DH wouldn’t countenance me having less than him when I was on mat leave and I’m the higher earner now I’ve just been promoted and we’re talking about using the extra we’ll have so that DH can rejoin the gym, it’s not “my money”.

DesertRose64 · 17/02/2023 19:53

This whole situation doesn’t seem right Op given the difference in your salaries. It seems very much like a win win situation for your husband and the truth is you’re subsidizing his lifestyle.

Parker231 · 17/02/2023 19:54

antipodeancanary · 17/02/2023 19:42

You pool all your money. You both have equal access to it all. Accept nothing less. If he won't do this he either doesn't like you or doesn't trust you.

Totally agree. You are either a couple, soon to be a family or you are two people just sharing a house.

TwilightSkies · 17/02/2023 19:56

Why are you going back part-time?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/02/2023 19:58

You shouldn't have been paying half to begin with if you earn 25k and he earns 45k.

I think while on maternity he can just pay all the bills and you pay for the food shops, pr whatever arrangement gives you both the same amount of spending money.

Then sit down and work out how it looks when you go back to work (especially when nursery fees etc come into it).

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/02/2023 19:59

Seeing how fucking tight he is, go back full time!

Good foundation for leaving him in the future if this carries on.

Original poster
hunkydory13 · 17/02/2023 20:01

I can’t go back full time as we don’t have enough child care

OP posts:
Noimaginationforaun · 17/02/2023 20:01

Hang on, you earn 25k and your husband 45k and you both pay half? That doesn’t make sense to me!

I earn 22k and my husband 38k. Everything goes into a joint account so all the bills come out, we put some in the savings and whatever is left is what we have left!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/02/2023 20:03

hunkydory13 · 17/02/2023 20:01

I can’t go back full time as we don’t have enough child care

No spaces in nurseries or childminders near you?

CinderRosie · 17/02/2023 20:07

That’s really not fair. DH and I have a similar wage disparity and we each pay the same percentage of our net salary into a joint account which is then used for mortgage bills and food. What we each have left in our own accounts is for our personal spending.
We are soon to be TTC and if/when I’m on mat leave or part time I’ll still pay in the same percentage if what I’ve earned and DH knows he will most likely have to top up the joint account more than I can! I’ll be at home doing unpaid labour of child rearing and also my pension will be taking a hit.
I’d suggest a serious talk with him about this and hope he sees sense.

Emmamoo89 · 17/02/2023 20:15

I've just gone back to work part time so can spend more time with baba. Your DH should be paying more towards the bills

cosmiccosmos · 17/02/2023 20:19

OP you are now a family not 2 individuals in a flat share.

He earns nearly double and the gap will extend when you only go back part time. You either pay proportionally or you go back full time, share childcare and you still pay proportionally. Honestly OP please don't let him trap you like this, he isn't acting like a family man,

CatOnTheChair · 17/02/2023 20:20

All money into one account. All essentials paid. Equal access to personal spends.
It's been this way when I've earned more, and when I've earned nothing, and everything in-between.

Pardon44 · 17/02/2023 20:22

hunkydory13 · 17/02/2023 20:01

I can’t go back full time as we don’t have enough child care

Childcare isn't solely your responsibility. He is bring totally unreasonable. You are taking a pay cut to care for his and your child. You are also losing the chance of career advancement, promotion and your not paying into your pension.

He is already being unreasonable. He should have been paying 65% and you paying 35% towards everything. That would be proportionate to your incomes.

Together you need to work out a fairer way forward otherwise you'll be financially stuck (fucked over) moving forward.

My husband and I have no money. We are totally broke at the end of every month but he would make sure I have money over himself.

Louisetopaz21 · 17/02/2023 20:23

I earn way more than my DH and we pool all our money, the way I see it any money coming into the house is jointly both ours and there is no mine or his. We do not have any children together but I do have 2 dds.