How do you sort your bills together when you’re on maternity?

[hunkydory13]

Hi all,

I’m just looking for a bit advice.

I am currently on maternity and my husband works full-time. I am currently receiving maternity pay (2 months full pay, 4 months half pay, 3 months statutory and 3 months unpaid). I am still classed as full-time employment (annual salary £25,000) and my husband is full time (annual salary £45,000).

We both pay half each on mortgage, bills, food etc and whatever money we have left we put some in joint savings and the rest of the money is what we have each to spend on e.g. night outs, cinema, etc (now of course our baby)!

We discussed that I will obviously be receiving a lot less income due to the maternity pay reducing but also when I return to work I will be going back part-time. My husband said that as of the time when I am receiving statutory pay he will pay more towards the mortgage, bills, etc and I will have some money (for baby, any lunches etc) which I thought was a great idea until he said when I go back to work part-time I will be paying what I paid before maternity leave. I find this a little unfair and wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

I feel because I’ll be going back part-time maybe he should still pay a bit more towards the bills than I should?

Any advice?

YOUR SHARED CHILD IS NOT YOUR "LADY HOBBY" FFS

I despair at the number of women on MN being out in this position!

Agreed. It's absolutely fucking insane. Far too many women have blinders on, and then they choose to have babies with these men.

We are a family. Our money is our money. Caring for our child brings as much value to our family as earning money. I can't imagine having a child with someone and still separating money and bargaining over who pays what.

Tell him that you will continue to contribute as much as before, as long as he pays you his half for the childcare you are providing. If he is going to be petty so can you.

All our money is pooled and has been since we got married. We've never argued about money at any stage. We are a family and a team and the children are both ours so there's been no splitting anything.

You start off by having less income than him, paying the same and therefore having not just less spare spending money but also less ability to save.

Then you get pregnant and suddenly he's 'giving' you money for things for the baby - it's his baby too though so why shouldn't he be paying for those and why shouldn't you have access to the household income

Then you go back to work part time. Great for him as he doesn't have to contribute ti as much childcare. Shit for you. Your pay goes down, your pension contributions go down, your ability to save goes down. Meanwhile as you will probably end up taking on more the household responsibilities if you don't already (I've never met a 'we must pay 50:50' man who is also determined to split chores 50:50 funnily enough), this means you will probably end up spending more on child related stuff than him, or feeling like you are asking him for handouts.

Meanwhile his ability to advance his career has continued unabated because his hours haven't changed, he has very little parenting responsibility and very little household responsibility leaving his time and energy free to concentrate on work. This gives his ample opportunity to chase payrises and promotions the rewards of which he will keep to himself in savings and increased pension contributions.

Meanwhile your career may stagnate because you are working part time, probably taking all the leave if the child is sick etc and risking coming across as a flakey employee compared to other parents who share sick leave equally. Your job will becomes less and less important compared to his and you will feel like you can never keep up with your share of the bills.

You will end up resentful at doing it all, whilst he had money to spend on himself and you are scraping around. You will want to leave him but feel like you cannot afford to on your part time salary.

Or, you can insist that all household income is pooled and you get equal money to spend

Or you go back to work full time and forge ahead with your career because this is a man who will fuck you over financially if he can

Don't have any more kids with him it will just get worse

Of course your baby's father should be paying half of everything. But if he feels like you pressured him into parenthood, or if the pregnancy was accidental, good luck with that.

Our money goes into one account, it's "ours". I don't see the point of having a baby with someone of we don't even share finances

No that's not fair. If he earns more and is full time while you are part time then he should pay in proportion to income. If you are married and have a child why not joint finances?

I have a better formula from 10 years of being part time or at home.
All money earned in to joint account, each draw off same amount into personal account for what ever you like. Pay bills then what is left is joint savings. It's the only fair and long term way

Why does either of you need to be PT?

You should pay in equal proportions to your income if you which to go 50/50. I'm not an advocate of it but for those who want that in their marriage it makes no sense that it's 50/50 of all joint expenditure.

My husband’s initially as he stated it made sense since he earns more money

Sorry OP but this only makes sense to your husband as he is the only one benefitting from him earning more, particularly as he's still going to expect you to contribute 50/50 on part time hours. I agree with all of the previous posters who said you should both have the same amount of disposable cash left at the end of the month and I say that as someone who earns more than my DH.

all the money goes in one pot to pay the bills.
no different that if he was unemployed for a short period, or injured and not on full pay or long term sick.

This. What is he doing to solve the childcare problem?

Can he adjust his hours to do the morning or afternoon childcare and half the pick ups and drop offs, do compressed hours over 4 days or similar? If you both did that, you might only need 3 days childcare.

Or does he conveniently have one of those completely inflexible jobs that he can't possibly adjust?

This is utterly nuts.

Why on earth would he think that you would cover all of the costs of your joint baby?

Explain that you are going back to work full time.
That you will pool your wages, cover your joint family expenses including childcare costs and then share out spending money for you both.
Or if it makes sense you can work part-time with the same arrangement.

You are married your income is legally shared.

Not legally shared but considered joint household income.

Christ if he wants to go halves for everything I'd be sending him an invoice each week for his half of the childcare that you need to do while he is at work. He gets to do his thing and keep his way of life including all his money while you sacrifice your career for a child that belongs to you both.

I suggest you start invoicing him for the childcare you are providing to the child you share.

This is deeply unfair to you.

I would find it hard to feel loved by a man who would treat me like this.

Why should you as the woman not only bare the physical toll of having a baby, but the entirety of the financial toll as well?

Shame on him.

I can never understand questions like this. We just put all our money into a joint account. This pays for all bills, food etc and then we split what's left. We did exactly the same during mat leave, just had less spending money each.

You are married. All money belongs to you both.

7news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/husband-asks-for-help-after-revealing-career-driven-wife-wants-him-to-pay-her-to-have-baby-c-5988313.amp

At least once a day while reading Mumsnet, I think about this brilliant woman who made sure up front that the financial burden of having a child would be shared.

And I remember how men are so accustomed to the unpaid labour of women being at their disposal, that the idea of being asked to take an equal financial hit blew his pea sized brain and made him feel victimised.

Posts like this make me so cross. Poor you, OP. It's absolutely appalling that you have been contributing half all of this time when he earns almost double your salary. As PP have said, you should pool all of your money and then go from there.

Your husband has been taking you for a ride all along.

I earn 63% of our total household income. I therefore pay 63% of the bills (no joint account, I keep a spreadsheet of income and expenses).

When I went part time and my income dropped to 55% of the total income, I paid 55% of the expenses and my partner therefore had to contribute more.

You're meant to be a partnership.

I'm a saver and DH is not so we don't pool money but pay a proportion of our wages into a joint account to cover bills, including childcare. Child Benefit gets paid into this.
We have a joint credit card for grocery shopping.
If you move to PT hours, make sure the family pot pays your missed pension contributions, including the employer element. You are taking a massive hit to your future pension in going PT.
Make sure he does half of nursery drop-offs and pick-ups.

OP

Who gets to make the (joint) decisions in your household? It doesn't sound as though you have much say?

'My husband said the he will be doing this and I will be doing that'

Why does he get to dictate? Why are you accepting this?

You are married and pregnant with his child not his lodger

You should either have joint finances where the bills are paid and you share what is left over
Or
You pay the bills proportionately based on your income

He's got a good little deal here hasn't he! Gets to spend his excess money on him. Or gets to save it up to buy himself something? Paying nicely into his pension pot while yours takes a hammering.

Open your eyes fgs

I love this story.

Especially the bit where the husband says 'she saw my hesitation and just doubled down'

💪👌