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Original poster

How do you sort your bills together when you’re on maternity?

95 replies

hunkydory13 · 17/02/2023 19:36

Hi all,

I’m just looking for a bit advice.

I am currently on maternity and my husband works full-time. I am currently receiving maternity pay (2 months full pay, 4 months half pay, 3 months statutory and 3 months unpaid). I am still classed as full-time employment (annual salary £25,000) and my husband is full time (annual salary £45,000).

We both pay half each on mortgage, bills, food etc and whatever money we have left we put some in joint savings and the rest of the money is what we have each to spend on e.g. night outs, cinema, etc (now of course our baby)!

We discussed that I will obviously be receiving a lot less income due to the maternity pay reducing but also when I return to work I will be going back part-time. My husband said that as of the time when I am receiving statutory pay he will pay more towards the mortgage, bills, etc and I will have some money (for baby, any lunches etc) which I thought was a great idea until he said when I go back to work part-time I will be paying what I paid before maternity leave. I find this a little unfair and wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

I feel because I’ll be going back part-time maybe he should still pay a bit more towards the bills than I should?

Any advice?

OP posts:
XanaduKira · 17/02/2023 20:24

SaltnPeppaPig · 17/02/2023 19:38

He should have been paying more the whole time when he's on nearly twice as much as you. You should have equal amounts left over for fun money.

I wouldn't tolerate this. I'm on mat leave and everything is pooled.

Let him go part time/give up work and do the childcare for free and still contribute the same to the family.

This!

Lcb123 · 17/02/2023 20:25

I’d never pool all my money with DH. Tried once and did not work. We put money into a joint account relative to our take home pay, to cover mortgage, bills, car, supermarket. So I earn more so contribute more to joint. Then rest of our money is ours to do what we want with.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/02/2023 20:28

Op, this is utterly absurd and ridiculous.

I can't even imagine how the conversations must go in your house.

Why, on earth, wasn't he putting more in when you earn 25 and him 45?

Then - it's a 'good idea' that he puts in more when you're on mat leave?!? It's absolutely fucking obvious he puts in more.

And, no op, on no planet ever do you put in the same when you're on part time wage because you're looking after your joint child!!

I honestly don't get how you didn't look at him with a head tilt and say 'don't be so fucking ridiculous' when he suggested it.

nanodyne · 17/02/2023 20:28

I'm on maternity at the moment and DH pays for all bills and mortgage with the exception of my personal bills (phone contract etc) and our nursery fees, which I'm covering. I'm the higher earner so when I go back we'll split according to our % of total income again. If I went PT though I'd expect him to pay more because a) he's earning more and b) I'd be saving us money by doing more childcare and presumably a greater share of the domestic workload. Your DH isn't being fair to you now if you're splitting things 50/50 as is, definitely don't let that nonsense continue when you're on even less!!

tealandteal · 17/02/2023 20:31

He is being very unreasonable and unkind.

We pay our salaries into a joint account and all bills paid out of there. When I was on mat leave, and now that DH is on shared parental leave, we just cut our own spending appropriately as less is coming in.

Pallisers · 17/02/2023 20:33

Is he paying you for his half of the cost of minding your baby?

Will he pay you for his half of the cost of minding the baby during your days off when you are part time?

Why not? you are home to mind an infant. If the mortgage is still half your responsibility then minding the baby is also half his. If you are reducing hours so as to save on childminding costs, why isn't he stumping up his half of that?

I would not be happy with this arrangement at all. you are a family. It is family money and you should both be benefiting from your family arrangements. He is currently benefiting from you being home with your baby and he will benefit from you going part time. But he has no intention of you getting anything from him in return.

I'd lose a lot of respect for someone who treated his wife like this A LOT.

MintLampShade · 17/02/2023 20:36

I'm sorry but this is hugely unfair! My husband and I have always had one household income. So when I went on maternity, the pot was obviously reduced, but it was OUR pot, not Mine & His separately. I did too go back to work part time, but again, whatever I earn and he earns is one big pot of money and after paying everything, whatever is left is 50-50 - not so much leftover at the moment as the childcare costs wipe us out near enough each month 😖

I would strongly suggest to sit down with your husband and discuss this going forward, you are a family and not two strangers sharing a house and splitting bills...

PopGoesTheProsecco · 17/02/2023 20:37

This sounds unreasonable to me. I think it's fair to contribute according to your earnings so that you have equal amounts for personal 'spends' after the household expenditure is done.

Pardon44 · 17/02/2023 20:37

hunkydory13 · 17/02/2023 19:51

My husband’s initially as he stated it made sense since he earns more money

Of course it makes sense. He loses nothing and gains everything.

It makes sense for the higher earner to continue working if the higher earner is fair. When they recognises and respect the sacrifices you are making. Your husband doesn't.

He'll be one of those who thinks your at home eating biscuits and chilling all day while he works. He'll expect to come in and relax and unwind from his busy day.

NorthernWanker · 17/02/2023 20:38

That's ridiculous! Who's paying for childcare?

AnnaTortoiseshell · 17/02/2023 20:39

This is crazy. You have a child together and you are married. Legally your money all belongs to both of you. The money should all go into a joint account and you should have equal access to this.

PopGoesTheProsecco · 17/02/2023 20:41

Actually the more I think about this the more annoyed I'm feeling on your behalf.

My ExH made me fully fund my maternity leave (in terms of contributions to the joint account) despite me paying the lion's share of costs before maternity leave as I was the higher earner. So before mat leave I paid the most so that we had equal amounts left and during mat leave I had virtually no money for my personal needs because he expected me to keep up my contributions. His viewpoint continued when I when I went part-time.

I would definitely not put up with this treatment now.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2023 20:43

What is the point of your marriage? All of this ridiculous your money/my money, who pays what percentage nonsense is just unbelievable. You're married. You're a family. All of the money should be both of yours and who pays what should be irrelevant. FFS. Sorry, but your marriage is in big trouble.

topcat2014 · 17/02/2023 21:36

What's the betting this selfish arse expects you to pay for all the child stuff as you are the mother?

And I speak as a high earning DH with SAH Dw

UsingChangeofName · 17/02/2023 22:57

On maternity leave
Not on maternity leave
Whilst studying
Whilst working Full time
Whilst working part time
Whilst I earned more than him
Whilst he earned more than me

All money coming into the household is our money.

Essential bills paid, then some savings (for emergencies) then treats, holidays etc, then some (longer term) savings, then an equal amount of spending money each.

If you are a family, then you both contribute what you can at the time - that might be more money, or it might be more time.
I find it very bizarre that any woman or man could ever think it is right that they have loads of spending money when their lifetime partner is going short Confused

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 17/02/2023 23:02

You are married. You have a child together. You should pool all income. Why wouldn’t you?

LadyJ2023 · 17/02/2023 23:09

Find it bizarre, weird all the talk of who pays what etc even before we were married our money went in one account, didn't matter who earned what. Bills came out and whatever was left was either left or spent no matter by who. All our kids stuff comes out of the one pot, holidays etc etc some days I spend more some him. Nobody cares who, what, where aslong as no debt is incurred

SeasonsBleatings · 17/02/2023 23:11

Since we married we've kept back the same 'spends' and everything else goes into a joint pot. This felt fair when I was on mat leave and regardless of which of us has since been the higher earner.

ClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 17/02/2023 23:16

Make sure you invoice him for caring for his child when you're at home.

mumyes · 17/02/2023 23:30

Pool everything.

Everything you do - traditional work, working to look after the baby etc - it's all pulling in a team towards doing the best for your family.

Your partner is being v unreasonable.

I hope you're ok OP Flowers

mumyes · 17/02/2023 23:30

ClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 17/02/2023 23:16

Make sure you invoice him for caring for his child when you're at home.

Bang on

Alliolly · 17/02/2023 23:31

This wasn't a fair split to begin with and it's getting even worse for you OP.

I wouldn't go back part and be financially dependant on him. Start looking at nurseries and consider going back full time. I'd also be cautious with the split of nursery drop offs/pick ups and dependants leave when your LO is sick/has to be picked up early, leading to loss of income.

EezyOozy · 17/02/2023 23:35

Op. At the moment my husband earns £85k pa and I earn £10k pa (we have two very small kids etc etc).

Do I pay half the bills and mortgage at the moment ? Do I fuck. It all goes into one pot. We both slog our guts out day in day out to do the best we currently can for our family in our own circumstances. All is shared.

Do I own half the house and have access to just as much money as my husband does? YES!!

Your husband sounds like a grade-A prick op.

TreacleMcDoo · 17/02/2023 23:45

All our money was in a joint account, we both had equal amounts paid into our separate accounts, plus a regular savings amount. Firstly I out earned Dh then he out earned me, by a lot.

My maternity pay reduction was funded from the joint savings account. I returned to work part time, everything that happened before maternity stayed the same, everything into the joint account, childcare paid from that.

Then I became a sahm. All money into the joint account. I have access to it and spend it.

Your situation is very unfair to you.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 17/02/2023 23:49

Oh Christ another one of these.

Have this discussion before you have sex and create a baby.

I despair at the number of women on MN being out in this position!