My feed

to access all these features

Find financial and money saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum.

Money matters

How do I tell him?

226 replies

LiarLiar · 01/12/2004 14:12


Im in a mess and my partner doesnt know

i have lots of debt that i have been trying and failing to deal with.

im responsible for our families income and its fair to say that i have f*cked it up.

i have taken the big step of breaking it down and seeing where we are and its not good.

Monthly Income
Income Amount
Net Monthly Salary £ 150.00
Partner's Monthly Salary £ 1,500.00
Benefits £ 270.00

Essential Monthly Outgoings
Outgoing Amount
Mortgage/Rent £ 583.00
Council Tax £ 107.00
Electricity £ 25.00
Gas £ 25.00
Water Rates £ 40.00
Telephone £ 67.00
TV Licence £ 10.00
Basic Groceries £ 400.00
Petrol £ 200.00
Car Tax £ 17.00
Car Insurance £ 60.00
Other Travel £ 0.00
House Insurance £ 35.00
Entertainment £ 300.00
Clothing £ 50.00

Monthly Debts
Debt Total Debt Min Payment Rate
Overdraft £ 1,600.00 £ 0.00 0.10 %
Mint £ 1,148.62 £ 27.00 10.90 %
HSBC Gold £ 5,197.00 £ 148.00 14.90 %
Barclaycard £ 800.00 £ 20.00 17.90 %
Egg £ 6,000.00 £ 121.00 14.90 %
Next Directory £ 400.00 £ 40.00 10.00 %
TOTAL DEBT £ 15,145.62

I have been taking advice from people and ive started rejigging some of the debts to pay less per month but i think i need to take more drastic action to get out of this hole.

My dp knows nothing about it except that i have 3k on a credit card - when he found this out he went totally mad so i darent tell him of the real picture.

i dont have much of an income so i cant get a consolidation loan on my own but im very scared to tell him and cause problems in our relationship.

Would you tell? If so How?

If you see from the breakdown we are already living beyond our means before any of the minimum payments even come off


OP posts:
peckarollover · 26/07/2005 11:46

car is extra but not a loan or anything. borrowed from my sister

Eaney · 26/07/2005 11:59

I think your dp has a responsibility to know what is going on financially in his own home. IMO if mistakes were made they were made by both of you.

Don't feel bad, It's tough running a home financially and a team effort is essential. He has been putting his head in the sand methinks.

Fio2 · 26/07/2005 12:02

yes i think your dp has to take responsibilty for some of this. Tbh if the debt is unmanagable and your house is no higher than your mortgage and you cant release equity, personally I would downgrade to something smaller (or other, even rent0 just for my own peice of mind. But that is just me

peckarollover · 26/07/2005 16:29

There is 45k equity in the house but i dont want a secured loan just yet.

Today i have cleared next so that is now down to zero.

Cleared barclaycard so that is down to zero.

These were the highest APR

I have also paid £1500 off Egg which was the next highest.

Im going to snowball and according to a calculator i found it will take 45 months which i can live with AS LONG AS THIS TIME I JUST BLOODY DO IT!

My plan is to throw any money i can no matter how small at the egg card to get that down asap.

I have cancelled a trip to centre parcs we had planned for in a fortnights time and will pay what we would have done for that off the egg card.

Keep me going girls!

21stcenturygirl · 26/07/2005 16:58

Next....register with 18866 . That'll cut your telephone calls right down. FREE LOCAL CALLS - thanks to JanH I have been with them for ages and my bills are tiny (average £20 a month - and my aupair chats to Canada for hours on end, every day!).

MascaraOHara · 26/07/2005 17:22

Probably been said already but I reduced my average weekly food bill by £80 per week by ordering online.

peckarollover · 26/07/2005 17:59

Telephone is a whole other battle ground.

Im with bt for line rental

onetel for broadband/calls bundle and then talk talk talked me into something the other day too!

peckarollover · 26/07/2005 18:00

Im quite good at the food shopping bit - i have got it down to about £50 a week for all 4 of us

Branster · 27/07/2005 12:46

Pecky babe, congratulations on your wedding!!!!

I thought all this was sorted out by now. Naughty, naughty!

Good results on your weekly shopping and the couple of cards you've sorted out so far. it just goes to show you can do it when you put your mind to it. So well done on those!

I think from now on you really, really need to stop spending on yourself. As far as I understand you do go have a habit of buying this and that when out and about (sorry if I misunderstood it all, but that was my impresssion). If you're just buying shoes & clothes, makeup and stuff like that, you really have to put it on hold for a while. And sell as much of it as you can on ebay to get some money which you will ahve to put on teh egg card or whatever else it is you need to pay off.

The aim here is to reduce and evetually eliminate your debt, not maintain or increase it.
You will feel so much better once it's all been cleared. It sure is worth making an effort for a few good months or a year.

As for DH, wether it's his responsabilities as well or not, it's neither here nor there. After all he's not denying you access to money, he trusts you with it. Now both of you, and you in particular as the driving force, need to organise a realistic payment plan and stick to it. Once it's all over you have to start saving up (i.e. investments or 'treat' money etc).

Keep up the good work and be strong! Good luck!


janinlondon · 27/07/2005 13:05

Snowballing is the way to go!!! Well done and keep at it.

peckarollover · 27/07/2005 16:05

snowballing is actually quite exciting in a bizarre way!

I need to get my head round a life without immediate cash available at any time. Something occurred to me yesterday i dont think i have ever said "erm no i cant afford it!" for nights out, meals out etc etc

Branster · 27/07/2005 19:16

that is teh key pecky, telling yourself and acknowledging that you cannot afford IT (whatever IT may be).
Buiyng on credit cards is not using your own money. In a sense it's like if your friend gave you her purse full of money saying 'look after this for me until i get back from my holiday'. You wouldn't spend the money, would you? If you did, you'd put it straight back. But that's not the case anymore because we're not using our credit cards anymore, are we?!
i often tell myself i cannot afford something when i just like an item, even though i can actually pay for it with my own money. and withinh a couple of days i realise i don't actually need the item and don't really want it that badly and can easily live without it. no big deal.

peckarollover · 17/08/2005 20:34

Update I havent used any of my credit cards since the last time I posted on this thread :D:D:D:D

peckarollover · 17/08/2005 20:37

Credit Card debt now stands at 19900 instead of 24000 a few posts down. I WILL get there.

DH has more of a realistic idea of the figure too - last conversation we had I went as high as 15000 which is a first and not THAT far from the truth!

cod · 17/08/2005 20:40

Message withdrawn

peckarollover · 17/08/2005 22:16

erk!How did you miss it and does this mean I am in for lots of big lectures?!

Branster · 18/08/2005 09:11

way to go pecky!!!!
well done!

remember every day NOT to use any of your cards. Please!

and tell yourself 'I CANNOT AFFORD IT!',to stop spending.

good luck!

Toothache · 18/08/2005 09:22

Pecca - Well done!!!

I have recently had to 'fess up to my DH about how much we have on the Credit card (its in my name, but has been used for food bills for the whole family etc). The balance at the moment is £5200, DH thought it was around £4000. But, like you, we have stopped using it and it hasn't been swiped for about 3 weeks. We are going to try to pay it off £300 per month if we can. Its just a great feeling to know that the balance can come down now and not to be in total denial!

Well done again.... that must have been SO scary for you!

peckarollover · 18/08/2005 10:50

I think I have now accepted that I cant afford most of the lifestyle I used to have anymore. My target is to be completely debt free (except mortgage) by the time Im 30 (5 ish years)

Toothache · 18/08/2005 10:53

Thats a good aim. And very realistic. We have £11,500 in loans too (one for the car, one for the wedding). We have 3 yrs left on one of them and 4yrs on the other. And it's not worth our while consolidating them to pay them off sooner as we got an incredibly low rate for both (6.8%) . So we're kinda stuck with them. I hope to pay off the credit card in a year. I'll feel a bit more secure then.

Hattie05 · 18/08/2005 11:18

Toothache could you not take advantage of 0% credit cards to reduce the rate a bit more? E.g get a £3000 credit card, pay lump sum on the loan and then ask for payment break, then continue paying what you were to the loan onto the credit card, switching again when 0%runs out?

Unless of course you can't over pay your loan .

Toothache · 18/08/2005 11:21

Oh I hadn't thought of that Hattie!! That could be a great idea! Actually..... we could probably pay one of them off in total with a credit card... I could get a settlement figure from my bank.

Hmmmmmm.... she ponders

Hattie05 · 18/08/2005 11:25

Just be sure that there required minimum payment isn't higher than what you are planning to pay - unlikely but just check.

And trust yourself to remember to change at the end of each 0%! Virgin are doing a good 9mth one at the moment. Do you know the moneysavingexpert website? worth looking at. Address is just that with at end.

Happy debt paying ! you can tell i'm in a similar situation can't you!

Toothache · 18/08/2005 11:26

Way ahead of you Hattie.... I already have £3k on the Virgin 9mths deal.

Hattie05 · 18/08/2005 11:36


Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.