How do I tell him?

[LiarLiar]

Right...

Im in a mess and my partner doesnt know

i have lots of debt that i have been trying and failing to deal with.

im responsible for our families income and its fair to say that i have f*cked it up.

i have taken the big step of breaking it down and seeing where we are and its not good.

Monthly Income
Income Amount
Net Monthly Salary £ 150.00
Partner's Monthly Salary £ 1,500.00
Benefits £ 270.00
TOTAL MONTHLY INCOME £ 1,920.00

Essential Monthly Outgoings
Outgoing Amount
Mortgage/Rent £ 583.00
Council Tax £ 107.00
Electricity £ 25.00
Gas £ 25.00
Water Rates £ 40.00
Telephone £ 67.00
TV Licence £ 10.00
Basic Groceries £ 400.00
Petrol £ 200.00
Car Tax £ 17.00
Car Insurance £ 60.00
Other Travel £ 0.00
House Insurance £ 35.00
Entertainment £ 300.00
Clothing £ 50.00
TOTAL MONTHLY OUTGOINGS £ 1,919.00
NET MONTHLY SURPLUS £ 1.00

Monthly Debts
Debt Total Debt Min Payment Rate
Overdraft £ 1,600.00 £ 0.00 0.10 %
Mint £ 1,148.62 £ 27.00 10.90 %
HSBC Gold £ 5,197.00 £ 148.00 14.90 %
Barclaycard £ 800.00 £ 20.00 17.90 %
Egg £ 6,000.00 £ 121.00 14.90 %
Next Directory £ 400.00 £ 40.00 10.00 %
TOTAL DEBT £ 15,145.62

I have been taking advice from people and ive started rejigging some of the debts to pay less per month but i think i need to take more drastic action to get out of this hole.

My dp knows nothing about it except that i have 3k on a credit card - when he found this out he went totally mad so i darent tell him of the real picture.

i dont have much of an income so i cant get a consolidation loan on my own but im very scared to tell him and cause problems in our relationship.

Would you tell? If so How?

If you see from the breakdown we are already living beyond our means before any of the minimum payments even come off

H E L P

I havent told him the figure.

He has now accepted that it isnt fair that from the very beginning I have automatically had everything shouldered onto me.

So he has been ok about it then ???? Do you feel relieved to have told him or still nervous that he doesn't know the full story ????

Ours isn't alot of debt but is rent arrears and council tax arrears and he will go mad if he finds out.

Message withdrawn

Pecka, think that you must come clean.
That's what being married is about, working together as a team, solving your problems together.
If his family is so sussed up about money/finance they can help you, they are the best resource you could have.
You need to tell all....

Honestly the idea of that is just sooo abhorrent especially now that its so bad.

The thing is I think its partly a self fulfilling prophecy (is that right term)

Dp calls me Princess all the time and jokes about working overtime to fund my shopping habit. Its all said in jest and fondness and I think it gives me some internal permission to just get what I want. Does that make any sense?

Maybe shopping really is addictive for you (like MN is for some of us...LOL). Maybe you don't want to give up the shopping because it's so nice...

sorry if that's too much honesty. Reading thru your thread, though, I don't think things will get better until you come clean...
Your problems are now his problems, though, that's what marriage means.

Im starting to accept I am pretty much addicted.

I wonder if there is some deep seated reason or if its just plain greed.

we probably owe about 10K, had problems paying it back, in such a fuck up, if only we could re mortgage we would be fine, but because we have 'bad' credit now seems impossible. don't think we'll ever get out of debt.

I dont think we have bad credit yet although a few payments are starting to be missed.

I am a fuck up too - join the club or go and buy new shoes and feel good for about 10 minutes

can't afford to buy new shoes, lol.

PR - I once saw a program about shopping addiction and one solution it suggested was to buy the stuff as normal, but to take it back to the shop and get a refund once the buzz has worn off.

So many shopaholics never actually wear what they buy, the hide and stash it around the house or just shove it in a wardrobe.

Try it and see if it works for you maybe???

Am pretty sure there's a shopaholics anonymous programme (seriously) for people who spend money as a compulsive habit, like gamblers or drinkers or over-eaters. Which makes it a psychological crutch but not the same as greed, at all.

I'm sure wedding has distorted things, but that's an extra £9k in last 7 months... that's a lot more money you now owe.

I gotta go to bed so don't think I'm ignoring you after this message.
I really hope you find courage to tell him.
He's gonna find out anyway, better sooner rather than later. The debt isn't that atrocious -- yet. Tell him now before it gets so bad you can't sleep at night (we have friends like that, it's awful for them).

I wonder if I could buy (teehee) some sort of self help book on being a shopaholic.

I dont think taking the stuff back will help. I do wear/use the stuff but often only once.

I cant go somewhere that I want to look good unless Im wearing something new

Do you have lots of store/credit cards etc? (Haven't read through thread - sorry) Might I suggest cutting them up and making a firm monthly budget. I also think you really should come clean with your dp. Dh did something silly a few years ago by taking out a loan behind my back to pay off a rather hefty overdraft. To cut a long story short, it made a huge difference to our relationship in that I knew something wasn't right and he was ever so stressed, spending many nights out getting plastered etc because of the stress, but i couldn't put my finger on what was going on. He'd been intercepting bank statements for months - normally I open them incl the ones for his old cheque account. One day he missed it and I opened it to find a payment going out I didn't understand about and when I asked about it, he just broke down. He'd been burdened with it for months - the guilt that is. Anyway, we've finally made the last payment on that 'silly' loan as we called it. The only way you will get out of this is slowly and honestly. Honesty with yourself and your dp. Cutting down on spending is hard (believe me I know), but it is possible. There are also debt help companies around - not the ones who loan you money to consolidate and charge you a fortune for the pleasure, I mean the ones who can help with your budget etc. I'm sure someone on here will know the name of one. Sorry if I've gone on a bit, but the only way to get out of this is to face it head on, preferably with the support of your dp.

Message withdrawn

I have read Shopaholics getting married - hey! thats me! Shopaholic getting married!!

Message withdrawn

essbee - im crap and not deserving of your time or energy. I forgot all about this and was out drinking wine.

sorry darling

Pecka have you ever heard of "snowballing" for debt? Try reading this for inspiration. www.fool.co.uk/news/foolseyeview/2001/fev010904c.htm

Message withdrawn

well wedding is over and i have come hurtling back down to earth

BANNNNNNNNNNNNG

what about the new car? has that been included in the 24k debt? what about the money your sister gave you? how much did the wedding actually end up costing?

just call me mum

have no idea how much wedding came to - dont want to know! not TOO bad. no that doesnt include car. the money off sister is still in account (we have 6k in there) i just need to decide what im best to pay off

One positive - I have given up smoking so will be saving some money there

so is the car extra on top? or paid for? and the 5.5k from the remortgage, where is that? so with that added in you will have 11.5k in your account?