Can we afford for me to be a SAHM?

[RedRobyn2021]

We only have 1 child but would like more, we also have a dog to look after and 2 cats.

My partner earns £30K before tax

We own our car outright

Don't have any debt other than our mortgage

Do live rurally so need to drive everywhere, 10 minutes from the nearest town.

Mortgage payments at the moment are £675 although we could try to reduce this if we can't manage

What do you think?

I'm not going to have a job by the end of this year and due to a change of circumstances my mum won't be able to help me with childcare anymore. I'm currently working part time 3 days a week and I'm earning on average between £1000-1300 per month depending on commission. So this would be gone.

The reality is, if ones person is completely consumed by child care and work costs then the family can survive on one salary if they stop using childcare. That's how many many families have to live

You're in a good position with no debt and a smallish mortgage. I wouldn't put that position at risk. It definitely wouldn't be enough for us. Children only get more expensive as they get older, and add another child to the mix and you'll struggle.

If you do go ahead on thing I would say Is you need to transfer your personal tax allowance to your partner so that he benefits from the additional tax free allowance.

If you are serious about doing this then invest £215 in getting yourself to the registry office for either a marriage or a civil partnership. !!! Do not even consider it without .

Meanwhile get your figured into the turn2us calculator and see what you are entitled to.. play with it.. put in childcare costs against any child /prospective child. Knowledge is everything.. then make your decision .

The op brings in a good second income though - £1000-£1300 pm - even if she paid for childcare for 3 days, it wouldn't consume all of her salary, especially with the voucher and tax break schemes and the free hours age 2/3.

Yes if she had a second soon that would make it less lucrative but she's 31 and could easily stagger the kids so that she's only paying a high nursery bill for one at a time.

Plus two kids now would likely lead to a sizeable career break, which may lead to reduced earning potential when she goes back.

I understand why the question has come up but even with the childcare no longer being free you're still making a big contribution to your family's earnings.

You cannot do this if not married or registered civil partner.

Another reason to marry/register...

I stayed at home with each of my three dc’s in their first two years, then worked a couple of days a week. It was more important to me to not put them in childcare at a young age than to have the spare money. We had similar income to you.
things were very tight in the ‘at home’ years, we intentionally built up debt on credit card for car repairs etc.
when they were all in school I increased my hours, very lucky to fit in with school hours.
earned more, paid off the debt, all good.
I don’t regret it at all, I believe I would have regretted not having more children very much.
I assume you don’t mean you want to be a SAHM forever?
I think you can muddle through for a few years.
and I wasn’t even married!

It's more than enough in Scotland.

Tell that to us in Aberdeen. Or colleagues in Inverness. Or a whole chunk of the islands. In Edinburgh? Nope.

That's your choosing. But there are definitely much cheaper parts of Scotland where a salary of £30k is ample, where housing is much more affordable.

I couldn't afford to live in Aberdeen, Glasgow or Edinburgh! I wish!

I know many Scottish families locally to myself who do not even earn anywhere near £30k who get by just fine and live within their means. It's all about adjusting your expectations.

many Scottish families locally to myself who do not even earn anywhere near £30k who get by just fine and live within their means

The children of the slums of Craigmiller or Muirhouse or Leith (no, not the shiny new flat parts, the darker bits that still look something like Irvine Welsh would find inspiring) might agree with you. There's a difference between survival and living. Especially the way the economy is heading.

Regardless of what you can afford, you would be incredibly foolish to give up work when you're not married.

She can't do this without being married.

Now this part I do agree with. I was married before I left my career behind. Got to think of security.

The only thing that is stopping me is that 'part-time' at my workplace isn't exactly part-time! I would have to work every third weekend, and an additional weekend day on another weekend (husband too, he's a colleague also). So I'd be still be working 5 days in a row at times😞

If I don't go back there I will definitely try to find something else, but worries me if I can't!

Its more than possible to live on less than £30k and not live in a slum. My children and their peers are living in slums, they aren't "surviving not living". Ok they dont own a pony and go to private school but theres plenty of space in the middle. Esp as when DH was on £24k+ we had UC/TC top ups

I wouldn't risk it. Your hubbys a low earner and there's a recession on the way

I was a SAHM for a few years starting in 2015. DH was earning just slightly more than your partner at that time. Our housing costs were low as we had an interest only mortgage, utilities were 1/3 of what we currently pay, groceries were 85% of what we currently pay, we spent less than half what we currently spend on fuel (combination of lifestyle changes and enormous cost increases). We were comfortable enough but we weren't making any savings and we weren't clearing the balance of our mortgage. We didn't have holidays abroad or spend extravagantly.

I think to try and live on less than we did, when the cost of living has increased so dramatically (and will likely continue to do so), and when you have a repayment mortgage, will be extremely difficult and unpleasant. You won't qualify for income related benefits. I think life will be a grind and the threat of looming energy price increases is going to be a constant anxiety for you.

There's also the fact that you are unmarried and this puts you in a precarious position should you make yourself completely financially dependant on someone else. Is the mortgage in your name too or is the house solely your partner's?

I agree with the marriage comments and if you are going to reduce your earning potential then you need to protect yourself and get married.

I live rurally and I know what extra costs that can occur. If you decide to have another child there will be extra costs such as nappies and energy costs and will you not need a second car on occasion to take the older dc to play groups and nursery?

I do wonder if you have considered looking for work outside of your husbands working hours? We have evening and weekend work in a few of the local pubs and occasionally the co op recruits part time member of staff plus it might be worth looking for some sort of part time evening work from home

Thank you, at least there are other posters who get it....we are not paupers here. We live comfortably on DH's salary but we are not materialistic people either. I would imagine it doesn't seem much if you fritter away on crap.

You haven't addressed the key issue DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT BEING MARRIED. you only have to look on MN to see how many people get messed up by doing this

we are not materialistic people either. I would imagine it doesn't seem much if you fritter away on crap

I am not materialistic either. Bulk cook food, shop in charity shops, cut our own hair - materialistic is definitely not driving my comment that it's not enough. I'm also not talking about crap.

I'm talking about:

1. Pensions. in BOTH names, adequately funded.

2. insurances. not just mandatory ones like car insurance, i'm talking proper, adequate home and contents, possibly even illness and critical injury, life insurance. Medical insurance and dental insurance if you think your family don't have access to the care you want.

3. Rainy day funds - every year there is a large unexpected bill so it's actually not unexpected. Could you survive your fridge breaking down in the same week as the boiler goes? That was us last year. Two months later our washing machine died on us. That was an unusual run of bad luck but not 100% unexpected as we run them into the ground age-wise.

4. home improvements and life improvements e.g. braces for children if they want them but NHS won't cover.

5. repair funds for a house if you have a mortage - the roof WILL leak at some point, the electrical work needs to be re-wired periodically, this is all about securing the safety and security of your home. if not owned outright, then landlord-triggered moving costs will be an equivalent cost.

6. and the list goes on - sensible, non-materialistic, non "frittering crap" stuff.

I wouldn't say many people in the UK are able to fully fund a SAFE, comfortable lifestyle on 30k with children if they have a mortgage. i simply don't believe it.

if you pay the bare minimum of bills and aren't in a position of financial security (no pension, no optional insurance, no realistic rainy day fund) then i can see why you might think it's possible.

i have in-laws who think the same- they live a perfectly fine life on "only" their income. but every time there's a predictable event like a car repair, they go begging to relatives for loans - despite being a totally predictable cost of life.

I think if you are mortgage free it does put a very different spin on things though DoNaeWrong.

I think you could survive on that, yes. I wouldn't personally choose that lifestyle, though - it is important to me to be able to afford to give dd a range of opportunities that she just wouldn't have on an income that low. Ultimately, it comes down to priorities and the kind of life that you want for yourselves and your dc.

I definitely wouldn't have any more children on that income, though. It wouldn't be fair on the one you already have.

Abd there's no gap between that and living in a slum? My comment at least was in response to the "kids living in slums under £30k" not whether it's an ideal salary that meets every whim, want and ideal