Can we afford for me to be a SAHM?

[RedRobyn2021]

We only have 1 child but would like more, we also have a dog to look after and 2 cats.

My partner earns £30K before tax

We own our car outright

Don't have any debt other than our mortgage

Do live rurally so need to drive everywhere, 10 minutes from the nearest town.

Mortgage payments at the moment are £675 although we could try to reduce this if we can't manage

What do you think?

I'm not going to have a job by the end of this year and due to a change of circumstances my mum won't be able to help me with childcare anymore. I'm currently working part time 3 days a week and I'm earning on average between £1000-1300 per month depending on commission. So this would be gone.

I'd say especially if you plan another baby - supporting 4 people on £30k is pushing it.
The cost of living is set to rise it depends on what your expectations are I guess?

Look at it like this - If your partner earns £30k and you were earning nothing, then you both have an income of £15k each pa. I don't think you could live off that with no children let alone 1 and you want another....

I have two DC and they get more expensive the older they get, clothes get more expensive as they go up sizes, school uniform costs a fortune, requests for birthday and Christmas presents get more expensive. Doesn't sound like you'd ever afford a holiday or a day out at the zoo/theme park?

With everything you've said OP, it will be very very tight. Your family may struggle to make ends meet.

Whose name is the house in ?

Regardless of whether you can afford it, without being married you're making yourself extremely financially vulnerable. Loss of current earnings, lots of potential earnings as you step out of the job market and loss of retirement income as you will have no pension provision. If you split with DP you will not be entitled to any of his savings or pension. Sorry to say you would be absolutely bonkers to put yourself in this position. If you're married the decision might be different although children get more expensive, not less as they get older and £30k is not really a lot to live on, wouldn't support our lifestyle anyway. Your DP job would also need to be very secure as without it you're all vulnerable.

The not married bit would make me very hesitant depending on your house situation in terms of joint tenants/tenants in common. Also you not contributing financially to the house and how that affects you should you split. You would be giving up pension contributions for you too and impacting your career.

I am a sahm but Dh is on a much higher salary than yours and we are married. I am on the mortgage and deeds, I have more savings in my own name than Dh does.

The first step is to not spend any of your income and see how that goes living off one wage. Also attitudes to money and where and when it is spent is important to discuss before you give up your job. Car wise if your partner needs it his needs may trump yours if it is to get him to work. You need to plan for all eventualities as much as you can. I have my own car, owned outright.

You probably need to sit down and work it out as a couple, as we don't know all your income and outgoings etc.

For us, it wouldn't be feasible. My husband earns about 45k before tax and that is enough to cover bills and pretty much everything. But then I earn about 6k on a very part time job to pay for extras - we don't have childcare costs as I work evenings. Is this something you could consider? Freelancing, working from home or an evening job in retail or hospitality?

So assuming you pay for childcare January on, what will that cost you (remembering the schemes for subsiding childcare)? Less than you're earning that's for sure.

Is your mortgage on a fixed rate and how much longer does it have - interest rates have gone up considerably.

You're 31, you've got time to ride out this current financial crisis, find a new job, new childcare and then be in a strong and not desperate position for baby 2 in 3 years or so.

I know the heart wants what it wants but it's not going to be easier to find a new job with 2 kids and a higher childcare bill, and it'll end up putting the sole wage earner under huge pressure for promotions.

Are you on the house deeds?
will you need to remortgage any time soon? (With you as an additional dependent this may not be possible)
do you have a savings buffer?

ultimately it’s a no for me, I wouldn’t quit or have another child right now.

Terrible idea to be a SAHM if you're not married. You're making yourself and DC financially vulnerable. If you go down this track you need to 1) get married first (doesn't need to be a big do) and 2) have an honest conversation about household finances - if there's any hint that he views his salary as his rather than the family's, or that he should get a bigger slice of the pie as he's the one working, then don't do it.

I think trying to live on that salary will not be doable. You won't be able to cope with unexpected expenses like if the boiler breaks. And children get much more expensive the older they get.

How do you own the house currently?
I wouldn’t, but I doubly wouldn’t not even married.

You "can" and people "can" survive on much less, but it's all about

-what you BOTH decide - he has to be 100% on board with and value what you do at home.

-you have sat and worked out that you can afford to live on that without putting your children into notable poverty - in that you don't want to make their lives unenjoyable, but growing up relatively poor can be absolutely fine if parents have initiative and can make their children's lives fun. Being a SAHM much of your duty will be just that.

-you will take pride in and enjoy the housework.

I'm a SAHM in that I don't have to work for the family but I do make 600ish a month for my own spending money out of choice. I'm also paying off my debts so that we can move.

Husband is on about 35K and our rent is half what yours is.

Main things are him appreciating what you do and not turning around one day and telling you you've done nothing and are useless (in so many words).

My husband wants a homemaking wife to remove any and all responsibility on him for keeping the home clean and the child picked up from school etc. I aim to do all my work before school ends and then use the rest of the day for quality time for my child and her extracurricular activities.

He gets to have no household responsibility and I get to have no financial responsibility aside from what I choose.

So we both appreciate the other's role fully. This is key.

And it doesn't take all day long to keep the house together. I clean and tidy every single day but have lots of free time. I use it to better my future potential career choices. I'm qualified for a few jobs since leaving full-time work and now registered with several agencies and if my life ever got turned upside down, which I'm confident it won't, I could walk into a few different jobs and be absolutely fine - this is key.

Is your other half on board? Fully?

What's your pension plan?

If you don't start saving until your 40s or 50s you'll have to put more in than if you save through your 30s to compensate for lost growth.

Are you married? It would be bonkers to give up your financial independence with no marriage or civil partnership. If you're not married, ask your DP about it, framing it as for your future financial security - doesn't have to be a big expensive day, town hall/registry office will do it. Watch his response very very carefully. If he does anything other than immediately agree, don't even think about giving up work.

Yes I think you're right. If there was any Uc entitlement it would be very little.

That is too much for benefits. We earned out of benefits under that amount. £101/week is the amount deemed enough for a family with one child.

As a sahm, I would say no definitely not. You'll be constantly skint. It's a miserable existence if you haven't got any money to do anything.

I wouldn't

1. 30k is not enough to support a whole family

2. you're not married so would be sacrificing your financial independence with no legal protection. Are you at least on the mortgage?

I think it could be doable if you don't have too many other outgoings or extravagances. Between myself and dh, we both work part time and share childcare. Our combined take home pay after deductions is £28/£30k so similar to your dh. We have 2 children, run 2 cars and have all the usual bills, apart from our one big bonus now is that we own our home but don't have a mortgage. However, there is a load of work needed to be done on the house in time but we're in no rush.

We save money where we can, we're not materialistic about 'stuff' and don't have extravagant tastes, and are happy with this. So I think it depends what lifestyle you currently have and what you'd be happy having/not having financially as a sahm.

This all the way

We decided I would become a sahm (17 years ago now) due to my dhs shift pattern and constant changing in work. But I wouldn't agree to it until we were married, we'd been together 13 years at that stage. So we did a small wedding then I quit work. He was on 40 grand at the time and was manageable. Now on 90 so we're comfortable. I think we would have managed on 30 back then, but definitely not today.

I'm in a very similar position to you! On maternity leave and deciding what to do. I was planning to be a SAHM but I'm now wondering whether it would be better for me to go back part-time.
Husband earning around 30k (regular overtime makes this vary).
2 cats.
1 car owned outright.
1 child (plan for 2).
No debt, just mortgage.

Differences..
The only place we have to drive is work (good thing is that we work at the same place, if I do go back) can walk to shops etc.
Mortgage is £278 a month as we've overpaid so much in the past.
Family have said they'd help with childcare.

We'd be OK but my main thing is being able to afford luxuries like holidays, takeaways. Would you be able to have these still? Does it bother you if you can't?

I think with the cost of basics rising so rapidly it would be very short sighted decision.

Can you manage on 10% less than that in a year, given the impact of inflation?

what about the year after that?

what will your energy bills be with each of the price rises forecast over the next 6-8 months?

You say you’re very rural. Does your partner need the car for work, if so, you’ll need to get another one if there is no transport. How much are you currently putting into your pension? You definitely need to factor in those payments if you stop working - where will the money come from?

When I was pregnant, to save money, we put my wages in a separate savings account straight away. This was to save for parental leave as we both took it and knew there would be months of not being paid. This worked well, but I think it was because of Covid - we didn’t do anything! Now I’m back at work, and I can’t imagine staying home all day, especially relying on one income, and I live in central London so plenty of free things to do with the children without having to drive anywhere. Times are going to get tough and I honestly think it’s the worst time to voluntarily make yourselves worse off. Also, if you’re not married, I think it does leave you in a precarious position. There are also many benefits to nursery that are not just the practicalities of going back to work. My child loves it, they do so many activities and play so well with the other children. I really enjoy having the best of both worlds (for me, obviously everyone is different), and our children look to us as being equal (we both took leave, we both work, we both take it in turns to pick them up etc.).

And if you need benefits to support your choice to be a stay at home mum then you can’t afford it.