Can we afford for me to be a SAHM?

[RedRobyn2021]

We only have 1 child but would like more, we also have a dog to look after and 2 cats.

My partner earns £30K before tax

We own our car outright

Don't have any debt other than our mortgage

Do live rurally so need to drive everywhere, 10 minutes from the nearest town.

Mortgage payments at the moment are £675 although we could try to reduce this if we can't manage

What do you think?

I'm not going to have a job by the end of this year and due to a change of circumstances my mum won't be able to help me with childcare anymore. I'm currently working part time 3 days a week and I'm earning on average between £1000-1300 per month depending on commission. So this would be gone.

I think that would be hard. I’m the breadwinner in our family, and I earn 35k. 2DC, one cat. We don’t have a car. No benefits. The cost of utilities and food is a big concern to me. The difference is, we don’t have a mortgage, and I’m still concerned.

@ThinkingFace

If we didn't have a mortgage to pay, I feel like it would be a different ball game altogether. The house has increased in value though, we could try to see if we could get it revalued so our loan-to-value is better.

We are definitely not extravagant, 90% of DD clothes are second hand or gifted, same with her toys. We try to buy second hand for ourselves as much as possible as well.

Tbh I never realised what a financial drain it would be having a dog. We have vet insurance, vet plan for up to date vaccinations/flea/worm treatments, the food. With the cats their cats litter alone is a small bloody fortune.

I wish my mortgage payments were that low!

No we wouldn't get to go on holiday anymore, things would be really tight tbh.

I've been working 3 days a week, I went back when my DD was 13 months (she's now 18months) once we got used to it, it was actually really nice.

But things have changed and my I won't have a job by the end of the year and my mother won't be able to provide childcare anymore.

If you can get help from family, I'd go back part-time, it's nice to have something for yourself. It was hard at the beginning but it's been going really well.

But the end of the year is plenty of time to find a new job and new childcare?

Do you know when your mortgage fixed rate comes up? Given the interest rate situation.

We would struggle on that.
I work part time - if I worked full time I would also earn around 30K before tax. That’s what I earned before having DCs and moving in with DH. I really can’t imagine supporting a child and another adult on what I earned when I was supporting just myself. Is your partner really on board with this?

I think your lack of financial acumen means that you really don’t know enough about your financial circumstances, and how finances work to make this decision

The dead give away for me is you saying that you will look to find a better mortgage deal. You clearly have absolutely no idea that mortgages and the bank base rate have been at all time historic lows for last 7-8 years. The average bank base rate is 3.5% over the last 100 years, and average interest for mortgages is more like 8% in last 60 years. However, inflation is rising and the Bank of England are increasing base rate to reign it it (rightly or wrongly as a tactic). Last time this happened under a Tory government mortgage rates went up into double figures for 17 years, and hit an all time high of 17%.

yes, lock your mortgage rate in now if you can- you should have done that earlier this year though to get the best offers. But you aren’t going to get a better rate than one you are on now to any significant effect.

add to that you clearly seem unaware that you outgoings are going to go up with inflation running at high levels and projected to go double figures next year. That a recession is looming and that means job losses-how secure is your husbands job and what’ll happen if he looses it? That fuel bills are going to hit all time highs.

so, first educate yourself. Then set a Budget that will actually answer your own question based on situation today and for next 12 months but also on projections out there for next few years till kids get to school age and you could return to work.

don’t forget too, that leaving work means stopping your pension, dropping out of maintaining your skill sets and employability. Whilst for some women, on better income than you or where there is no option due to kids with special needs , it does make good sense to be a SAHM or be able to afford it as they want to do this, it doesn’t come without sacrifices that have long term impacts. You’ll give 11 -18 years raising your children and then the next 25-40 years living for yourself and spouse and you need to fund this too. Living off a state pension is no fun at all and is equally as stressful as trying to manage kids and a home and a job.

I think last it comes up November 2026 we renewed last year for 5 years

On 30k you should get chikd benefit (£20 pw) and some defree of tax credits (dH earns similar). We get a disability element and DLA for eldest and then have twins so just cant afford for us to both work. Rent is low - £525, CT is £165, power is £120 atm. Don't drive bus buss passes are £120 a month combined. No foreign holidays.

You really need to look on entitledto.com

We couldn’t live comfortably on that amount and our mortgage is lower than yours I also wouldn’t if you aren’t married
what does your partner think are they happy to be the only earner in the house and for money to be tight

Well if you've fixed your mortgage for five years you're stuck with that mortgage (which is probably a good thing) but you won't be able to shop around for a better deal so forget that idea.

Your bottled gas is currently £100 a month. It'll probably be £250 a month this winter. Your water may be free but what about sewerage - presume you have a septic tank that needs emptying every few months?

No way can you afford to give up work sorry.

It's good news that you're fixed til 2026 though and not likely to have to re fix soon with a higher payment.

Doesn't sound enough tbh and I know we couldn't live on that but our mortgage is few hundred more a month. I guess it depends on where you live etc.

It's about the amount for 2 pensioners to live on for a reasonably average lifestyle but they don't generally have any dependents and often no mortgage.

No way is that enough money!

Could you try putting your wages into a savings account and try living just on your partners wage for a while and see how you manage

It's nowhere near enough for most families with mortgages and dependants anywhere in the UK.

You need to try living on just your partner's wage in the increasing cost of living situation before you decide you can just give up work. And that means getting through annual insurances, Christmas, holidays, dental fees, birthdays, paying into a pension, etc plus all the increases in existing (food, council tax, energy, fuel) bills about to hit your household income.

And if you're not married, you are in a very financially vulnerable situation no matter how much your partner earns.

It sounds like an incredibly, incredibly risky and stupid idea to give up work based on your post. Sorry. I'd love to give up work too,but just like you,I can't afford it.

P.s. if I were your partner I'd also want an honest conversation about how you get to ditch work while I had to continue working full-time. Surely a better setup would be both going part time IF you were rich enough to afford it? But you're not...

Reality is I think this would put immense pressure on your finances. I took a new job included a 10k pay drop for better pension and to work 10 minutes up the road before things started to rise. With everyone going on my partner has had to go back full time and things are tight but manageable. We earn about 50k plus child benefit as a household just to put that into perspective and my mortgage is about 80 quid more a month than yours

You need to work out your incoming and outgoings...no one here is going to be able to tell you what you can and can't afford.

Everyone is different.

We have 2 under 2 and have a combined salary of 80k. We spend one monthly salary on childcare and have to survive on mine - it is horrible scrimping every month, not being able to go out with friends etc. I don't recommend it but at the same time we have 2 gorgeous children but still..ITS HARD!

You need to think about the rising energy costs and do you have to remortgage in the next year? I am returning from maternity and am only able to go back part time for a year or two, this is because we are on a fixed energy and mortgage deal.

Times are really tough.

@RedRobyn2021 I think a lot of people have been doom and gloom on this thread and are basically talking about their own situation and how it wouldn't be enough money for them but that doesn't mean you couldn't make it work for you.

You could see it as being a sahm is worth the sacrifice of more money as long as you can comfortably live within your means. If it's something you really want to do and can manage to do, I would say go for it. They're only little for such a short time.

It's really hard trying to balance everything. We settled on work and childcare sharing between myself and dh. This means that we get to spend quality time with our dcs (who are 1 and 3) plus both bringing in some income. And no childcare costs.
When I became pregnant with dc2, I wasn't working as I had resigned from my last workplace (teacher) and was looking for a new job but as it turned out, I was so ill during my second pregnancy that it was a blessing in disguise. And with covid too. However, I was still earning some money through private tutoring online which gave me about £500 every month so that helped.

Is there something you could do from home perhaps to still earn a bit of money? I think a pp said that they did that and sees it as their spending money which is a good idea I think. Or could you and your other half job/childcare share?

And I'm totally with you on second hand things for children, and myself and dh actually. Most of the things we need come from boots sales, charity shops or Facebook pages like freebay. And yes, pets are expensive. I've never had insurance for vets bills so I'm not sure if it's worth doing or not. Mind you, we only have one cat. But she will only eat Felix as good as it looks at £4.50ish a box 🙄 as she turns up her nose at cheaper brands!

Oh, also when I was only tutoring from home on roughly £500 a month and not employed, we were still paying £525 a month for our mortgage then and dh's net salary was about £1200 a month. We made it work and still had takeaways! 😁

That's a really good idea

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lots of families live on much less and cope fine. I am a SAHM, mortgage free, own family vehicle outright and we don't need lots of money. Enough to live comfortably is more than enough. We are not materialistic people, but each to their own.

OP you just have to look at your priorities, work out what's important to you.

"It's nowhere near enough for most families with mortgages and dependants anywhere in the UK."

It's more than enough in Scotland.