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Rent for adult child

109 replies

Whatshouldmynamebe321 · 24/04/2022 07:41

I would appreciate finding out what parents charge their adult children in terms of rent?
I feel I need to start charging my dd now she has left college and is working, but it feels mean! I know it will help realise the costs of living and I will save a portion of it to return to her as a deposit on a house.
I was feeling a third of her income maybe appropriate.....what do others think/charge?

OP posts:
BookkeeperBobby · 24/04/2022 22:25

That all sounds fine to me @Feelingoktoday . I'll likely do similar as my costs will stay the same while my income drops. I'd rather not in all honesty, I mean it would be nice not to have to. But for them to stay in the family home you've got to be able to provide the family home they're living in and it's not always possible to do on one wage.

KILM · 24/04/2022 23:03

A friend of mine (single parent) sat down with her daughter and showed her the household finances, income outgoings etc when her daughter started working part time at 16 alongside college, but didnt start charging her until 18, when they sat down again and figured out how much she cost (including food, loss of single persons council tax, electric etc etc) i cant remember exactly how much but it was over £200 and this is a few years back. Didnt include loss of child benefit or maintenance as she'd planned for that. Daughter fine with it and i always thought that was a reasonable way to deal with it and meant daughter actually learnt how to manage bills and the value of money.
In comparison, i know 2 friends who didnt charge rent because they were horrified at the thought and said they didnt need to to 'teach them about managing finances' but they never actually sat down and had a proper discussion about it, or talked about the danger of credit cards or buy now pay later, it was all just offhand nags to say 'make sure you're saving' and their kids stuck around until they were 25+ (and ended up having to be 'persuaded' out, splurged what they earned, ended up sucked in by credit cards etc. And a couple of them were still having their phone bills paid, washing done for them and generally treating the place like a hotel. None of them ended up with anything resembling a house deposit - one parent even ended up gifting her son his rental deposit on his flat despite him having been earning since he was 16, just to get him out.
Basically - fair enough if you dont charge rent, but do make sure you actually have proper sit down discussions about how much things costs and what your expectations are rather than assume they know what they need to do or when you expect them to fly the nest.

Needanewadventure2021 · 24/04/2022 23:29

Some of these responses are horrible. I think adult children should pay their way when living at home and working. I did, willingly. I happily paid a 3rd of my salary and I was able to save well and have a life. I was only taking home £1k a month back then too. I brought my house independently and I never questioned my parents for taking money from me. I did housework and my own washing and sometimes cooking, but my parents were still providing everything in the household, including food and toiletries, for me to use and be able to live a care free life. I didnt have to buy my own appliances or sort utilities etc. There were 5 adults at home, sometimes 4 different meals were being cooked, washing machine on constantly, sky in every room, etc. When I eventually moved out paying money out was normal to me, but you then realise how easy you had it paying your parents so little! My siblings on the otherhand weren't happy paying board so paid a lesser amount than me. But that was OK as I chose what I thought was fair. My parents were still at a loss each month but our board helped bridge the gap.

I am a single parent and when the time comes I will lose CM, CB, CTR and tax credits. I am already working full time. In my job I cannot work more hours than the full time I do. I could move jobs but I absolutely love my job. Job satisfaction is very important to me, so why should I leave. Not all parents work part time whilst raising their children.

How are low income households meant to keep paying for adult children when they lose a large sum of money because their child becomes an adult?
I would love to be in a position to not need to take money off my child. But the fact of the matter is we are a single low income household. I can barely afford life now, let alone take a big income drop and continue to fund my adult child.

My opinion comes from growing up with two incredibly hardworking parents but on low incomes. We had an ok life but vastly different from our peers. No regular birthdays, no money gifts, no days out, no takeaways, no treats, no school trips, no big 16th, 18th or 21st's. I never saw my parents do anything for themselves or with each other. I knew they wouldn't be profiting from the board I paid. It was enabling them to maintain the household we all shared and level of living we were used to. I am in a similar situation myself but on my own with a child. I understand now more than ever just how hard my parents worked their arses off for us and gave us the best they could with their circumstances. I'd give anything to be able to pay £330 a month for EVERYTHING now! Being an adult is about responsibilities and it is not cheap!

There is no right answer here as it depends on your circumstances but no one should be made to feel bad for taking money off their adult children when you are providing a roof and the utilities etc for them to use.
Beside what adult can live for free? Surely that's setting the wrong example allowing them to.

timestheyarechanging · 24/04/2022 23:53

I was a single parent (but not really as exH contributed financially and practically). Neither child ever paid to live at their home once they started earning. I didn't or my sister either.
Nor her now adult children. My ExH didn't either. My current partner didn't.
Meant that we were all able to save and get on the property ladder by 25. We all worked from 16 (me and my partner) or 18 (ExH and daughter) 21 neice after university.

timestheyarechanging · 25/04/2022 00:56

Asking my adult children to pay me to live in their house doesn't sit right with me. I no longer had to pay for their nights out, take aways, holidays, clothes etc so that saved me a lot of money.

They are money savvy and my daughter is buying a flat next year, having saved a deposit which she couldn't do if I charged her rent (she's 23). Son is doing A levels. He will go to uni which his sister didn't so I don't know how that will pan out, but I would never, ever, ask my kids to pay to live in their home that they'd grown up in, that I'd brought them up in!
I brought them into this world and therefore I should provide all they need to become independent adults.

Laundry and cleaning - yes, they should do their own.
Bed and board - no - I gave birth to them and will do my best.

Madeintheseventies · 25/04/2022 01:14

Nelliephant1 · 24/04/2022 13:55

Absolutely zero. I think it's ridiculous that parents charge their children rent! It's their home for goodness sake. When did your child become your lodger 😡

What a ridiculous comment!
so you think it’s right that a parent should work all hours god sends to support their ADULT child? Whilst their child lives rent free and is sometimes earning more than their parents?
why shouldn’t they contribute towards the household bills and food? Yes it’s their home, but it’s also the parent’s home too!
And mollycoddling a now adult by not asking for a contribution is not teaching them life skills and financial skills.

Whats more, most people cannot afford to pay for everything once their children become adults!

timestheyarechanging · 25/04/2022 01:37

I agree with @Nelliephant1

I didn't have children to make money from them! My daughter is 23, never paid me or her dad rent. Worked since 18 after A levels. She Has saved £20k since working from 18. Will be buying a flat next year with boyfriend. My parents never charged me rent to live in my childhood home. I wouldn't either. No way could I charge my children to be alive!

Madeintheseventies · 25/04/2022 02:14

timestheyarechanging · 25/04/2022 01:37

I agree with @Nelliephant1

I didn't have children to make money from them! My daughter is 23, never paid me or her dad rent. Worked since 18 after A levels. She Has saved £20k since working from 18. Will be buying a flat next year with boyfriend. My parents never charged me rent to live in my childhood home. I wouldn't either. No way could I charge my children to be alive!

‘I didn’t have children to make money from them’ ….. I’ve heard it all now!

WildCoasts · 25/04/2022 02:28

Madeintheseventies · 25/04/2022 02:14

‘I didn’t have children to make money from them’ ….. I’ve heard it all now!

Yes, agree. I am not making any money off my grown children still at home. In fact, having them here costs me more than they contribute. I guess I don't charge them rent as they don't pay to live here but they do cover many of their own expenses. At 23 I think paying some of their own way is the way it should be if they have an income.

thatweirdhippygirl · 25/04/2022 03:16

I love the “never, OMG how could you!” comments on threads like these 🤣

my DD earns more than I do. Yet I’m expected to pay for everything, while she has a huge disposable income to do with what she pleases. And she probably uses more electric and hot water than any of us.

adults should pay their way. Even if it’s a contribution towards bills. That’s how life works. Otherwise why don’t you all rock up on your parents doorstep and tell them you’re moving back in and they can fund it?

toomuchlaundry · 25/04/2022 04:28

A relative still has their mid-40s ‘child’ living at home rent free, doesn’t contribute to bills or food either. Gets laundry done too. Earns more money than them. Does nothing for them. Rod for their own back there!

Ted27 · 25/04/2022 10:18

''No way could I charge my children to be alive!''

these threads always go the same way, I should leave them alone but this is really the most ridiculous comment I have ever seen

bringincrazyback · 25/04/2022 10:27

I can't help wondering if some of those who are outraged by charging adult children are secretly hoping their own will live at home for ever if they don't charge them anything...

axolotlfloof · 25/04/2022 10:31

Justkeeppedaling · 24/04/2022 09:26

My DD earns in the high £20k+ range and is 26.
She pays us a nominal £50 per week and does her own food shopping, cooking and clothes washing. Also runs a car.
She works for a financial institution and is pretty savvy about saving for a house deposit, pension etc.

This is what I would do.
The important thing is they are not still expecting you to do everything for them like a child.
It also depends if you can afford to subsidise them financially while they save for a deposit.

crackingreward · 25/04/2022 10:51

bringincrazyback · 25/04/2022 10:27

I can't help wondering if some of those who are outraged by charging adult children are secretly hoping their own will live at home for ever if they don't charge them anything...

I'm not outraged by it, however, the opposite theory is true for me. I'm not charging so they can save to move out, to buy a house. Why on earth would I want them at home forever? I'm doing my absolute best to get them a good start when they leave.

peachescariad · 25/04/2022 11:01

DS21 pays £180 a month. He's on 31K. Saves around £900 a month too.
DD19 pays £50 a month...She's on a care assistant salary.
They are both more than happy to pay rent and understand it's a life skill and that they need to learn to budget etc.
We are just being responsible parents and they are growing up as responsible. money savvy adults.
They both pay for their own phones, and both run their own cars.

ancientgran · 25/04/2022 11:07

woodhill · 24/04/2022 18:51

What's patronising about this. I may need the money. He earns more than me but for now it will be saved. We've bankrolled him for a while and he's not a teenager

I think it is patronising as it is "tricking" an adult into saving. If you need or want to charge him for living with you that is fair enough, I did it with mine although they had a year free to get on their feet.

I did alot of "financial education" with my kids, made sure they understood things like interest rates, tax, NI, pensions. They all had decent amounts saved by the time they left school and were perfectly capable of saving for their future without me engineering it.

notacooldad · 25/04/2022 11:11

I didnt charge mine but both had a lot of expenses and I wanted them to have some money left from their apprentiship wage to enjoy themselves.

ancientgran · 25/04/2022 11:16

KILM · 24/04/2022 23:03

A friend of mine (single parent) sat down with her daughter and showed her the household finances, income outgoings etc when her daughter started working part time at 16 alongside college, but didnt start charging her until 18, when they sat down again and figured out how much she cost (including food, loss of single persons council tax, electric etc etc) i cant remember exactly how much but it was over £200 and this is a few years back. Didnt include loss of child benefit or maintenance as she'd planned for that. Daughter fine with it and i always thought that was a reasonable way to deal with it and meant daughter actually learnt how to manage bills and the value of money.
In comparison, i know 2 friends who didnt charge rent because they were horrified at the thought and said they didnt need to to 'teach them about managing finances' but they never actually sat down and had a proper discussion about it, or talked about the danger of credit cards or buy now pay later, it was all just offhand nags to say 'make sure you're saving' and their kids stuck around until they were 25+ (and ended up having to be 'persuaded' out, splurged what they earned, ended up sucked in by credit cards etc. And a couple of them were still having their phone bills paid, washing done for them and generally treating the place like a hotel. None of them ended up with anything resembling a house deposit - one parent even ended up gifting her son his rental deposit on his flat despite him having been earning since he was 16, just to get him out.
Basically - fair enough if you dont charge rent, but do make sure you actually have proper sit down discussions about how much things costs and what your expectations are rather than assume they know what they need to do or when you expect them to fly the nest.

Educating them about money is a wonderful gift. I am always amazed at how little well educated adults know about finances, for me it is in particular in relation to things like NI and tax and employment rights as that is my job.

When one of mine was being shortchanged on sick pay when off work for an operation during their A levels I made sure they understood what they should have been paid and why. Their manager didn't have a clue and was going backwards and forwards with their HR department to sort it out. I'm not sure if the HR department were incompetent or deliberately doing it but in the end she got the money and compensation. It wasn't a fortune but it was a valuable lesson. I could have given her the money but what would she have learned from that?

VeganGod · 25/04/2022 11:17

ancientgran · 25/04/2022 11:07

I think it is patronising as it is "tricking" an adult into saving. If you need or want to charge him for living with you that is fair enough, I did it with mine although they had a year free to get on their feet.

I did alot of "financial education" with my kids, made sure they understood things like interest rates, tax, NI, pensions. They all had decent amounts saved by the time they left school and were perfectly capable of saving for their future without me engineering it.

But some people are not so sensible with money at a young age. Many will sort themselves out in the end and saving for them as a parent in the meantime isn’t a bad thing. It comes from a good place and can be given to them when they’re showing some common sense and financial savviness.

ancientgran · 25/04/2022 11:38

VeganGod · 25/04/2022 11:17

But some people are not so sensible with money at a young age. Many will sort themselves out in the end and saving for them as a parent in the meantime isn’t a bad thing. It comes from a good place and can be given to them when they’re showing some common sense and financial savviness.

I suppose that is where we disagree I don't think doing things in a sneaky way to protect them from themselves is teaching them anything. Getting things wrong is how we learn many things, getting advice from people we trust helps us to work it out. Magically producing £10k and telling them it is their money because you saved it from their keep money isn't doing that.

I see it as different to a parent saving for children e.g putting money away for them going to uni or to give them a start when they leave school. That's parents money and a nice gesture.

I suppose it is the way it is presented that I find patronising e.g. you could have saved this but I didn't trust you to do it so I've done it for you.

Maybe I'm lucky or maybe my plan worked but mine all worked hard, saved for uni, worked through uni, saved when they got fulltime jobs and bought houses in their mid 20s. Luck or judgement who knows.

Ted27 · 25/04/2022 11:55

I think the use of the word 'charge' is emotive and incorrect.

I will not be 'charging ' my son anything. I will be asking him to contribute to the vast quantities of food he consumes, he can take over Sky sports as I only have it for him ( he already pays for BT sport) and he can cover his own transport and phone costs. A contribution to utility bills will also be needed - ie things he consumes.

I won't be profiting from this

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 25/04/2022 12:06

It’s not mean at all, OP. If she pays nothing it will come as that much more of a shock when she finally moves out and finds out what a roof over your head, heating and endless hot water, etc. actually cost.

We charged dds (once they had graduated and were working) roughly half of what they’d have had to pay for a flat share locally - rent only, no bills. They seemed to find that fair.
We didn’t actually save the money for them, but did eventually give them substantial help with buying their first homes.

VeganGod · 25/04/2022 12:09

ancientgran · 25/04/2022 11:38

I suppose that is where we disagree I don't think doing things in a sneaky way to protect them from themselves is teaching them anything. Getting things wrong is how we learn many things, getting advice from people we trust helps us to work it out. Magically producing £10k and telling them it is their money because you saved it from their keep money isn't doing that.

I see it as different to a parent saving for children e.g putting money away for them going to uni or to give them a start when they leave school. That's parents money and a nice gesture.

I suppose it is the way it is presented that I find patronising e.g. you could have saved this but I didn't trust you to do it so I've done it for you.

Maybe I'm lucky or maybe my plan worked but mine all worked hard, saved for uni, worked through uni, saved when they got fulltime jobs and bought houses in their mid 20s. Luck or judgement who knows.

I don’t think it’s teaching them. It’s just a way of not letting them waste even more whilst they’re being stupid with it. Not everyone responds to lessons being taught, some people seem to need to experience it themselves before they realise.

With your own kids, it’s most likely a combination of both luck and the values instilled in them. My son is 18 and very sensible with his money so far, as is my younger child and I’m hopeful that will continue. We do all the ‘right‘ things to help them learn good financial habits. But I have friends who have done all the ‘right‘ things too and they despair at their kids lack of financial sense. There’s other influences and elements of their personality there, and for some young people, they’re more important, despite all the lessons from parents.

My kids have always been no trouble. I’d like to think it’s down to good parenting but I also know I have very easy, compliant kids. Is that nature or nurture, probably both.

Its best not to be smug and judge others, as you never know what awaits just around the corner.

serenghetti2011 · 25/04/2022 12:30

I don’t have kids to make money how completely ridiculous. Their home will be here always but as adults who work why wouldn’t you contribute to your living expenses, do you just expect a free ride forever? Some people are going to get a shock when they move out of mummy’s house into the real world.

so some kids, like mine who is the eldest of 4 didn’t get a new car when he passed his test or even a second hand one he bought his own . His dad contributed nothing to his upbringing so it was down to me. I would love to be in a position where I could help more. However I am not and I still have other kids and a house to run. He has £900 left after his £250pm digs to spend/save use as he wishes he could get a weekend job if he felt he needed more or if he doesn’t like contributing he can check out flats on his own and he’d have no disposable income so I think he’s got it pretty good. My mother was also a single parent - my dad paid nothing for me either. When I started earning I earned more than my mum and she struggled and I half to her to help out whilst I was at home. I wouldn’t want my mum struggling if I could help.