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Original poster

Mortgage after divorce - what would you do?

124 replies

NorthGirlie · 12/03/2022 13:47

Hi,
My marriage ended last year and we are currently at the stage of sorting out a financial settlement. I have 3 valuations booked for next week on the family home (mortgage free 4 bed detached house roughly work about £240-£250k).
Stbx has inherited property and has a bigger pension than mine due to being older than me and I worked part time for 12 years. Inherited property is ring fenced as he inherit after we split.
He is offering 50% of the family home so I’m looking at £120kish - possibly less once fees are deducted. I have the youngest child 100% of the time and he doesn’t pay maintenance. I hadn’t claimed due to living in the family home.
Anyway, there are some new houses being built in town £205k and £225k which would be ok for us (I’d need a 3 bed). These are both detached. I’d need a mortgage of up to £100k and this is what’s worrying me. I’d end up with very little disposable income (to a level I’d not sleep at night) paying this back as I need to pay it back in 10-15 years due to retirement age. I have worked hard and now a manager in my field but finding it stressful so I don’t want to be put in the position of having to stay in this role.
My stbx is mortgage free and will have his pension to himself (he paid AVCs throughout our marriage).
The houses that I am looking at are a good price for what they are and they’d take away the worry of house repairs for a good few years. There are only 2 houses available to reserve. I am thinking of reserving one tomorrow. Obviously, I can pull out if I need
to buy I’d lose the £500. I just feel like, without a financial settlement, I don’t know what I’ll get and, if I only get 50% of the family home, I will struggle in the future.
Id probably need an £80k mortgage tbh but worried about payments back at my age - 50. I’ve been mortgage free a few years now.

Shall I reserve the house or wait? I don’t thing anything at this price will be available soon and his solicitor is pushing me to get the house on the market. The new houses aren’t ready until August.

OP posts:
Feelingoktoday · 13/03/2022 07:45

My ex h inherited whilst we were divorcing. I didn’t get any of his inheritance but it was put into the pot and I ended up taking the equity in the family home. I now have a mortgage which I have stretched out for as long as possible. I did have problems taking on the existing mortgage as nationwide argued I couldn’t afford it - so i took CM, family allowance into account and I argued and pushed and in the end NW thought outside the box and agreed to it.

caprimoon · 13/03/2022 07:47

@Findingneeemo

So house 245k His pension 300k Yours 140k Plus he has half of another property.

He wants to keep all his pension, all his second property and take half the marital home. Plus he doesn’t pay maintenance. I’m surprised he’s not asking for half your pension too!

He’s a bit of a money grabber isn’t he?

Ask for recommendations for a shit hot solicitor.

So taking into account the 90K he's inherited roughly split 50% that means you ask for the marital home and keep your pension (he's keeps his) it's not your responsibility to find the money to buy his sibling out.

Even without the inheritance taken into account; you giving him 40K would make it a 50/50 split and you can buy the cheaper house and be mortgage free.

ScreamIntoTheWind · 13/03/2022 07:48

@Monty27

I wish I hadn't claimed cm and had taken the equity in the house as lieu of. After the settlement cm became a cat and mouse game and he finally pissed off to France. Don't trust him to pay cm. Get the equity in the family home and carry on without him. .
Child maintenance is separate from the financial settlement (unless you’re talking about such high earners the CMS doesn’t apply).

There is literally NO reason not to claim CM.

MaizeAmaze · 13/03/2022 07:58

I know nothing about this all, but if you only take the assets of house and 2 pensions, thats 685k of assets. Half of that is 343k. You should get more than half if you have a dependant child. So that leaves you with the whole house and your pension (380). He gets his pension and the inherited half house (300 plus half a house).......
Just throwing that out there.

PollyGray · 13/03/2022 08:00

OP, you have three immediate and urgent issues you MUST address:

  1. Your STBXH is prepared to hang you and your DC's out to dry without a second thought.
  2. Your current Law firm appears to be prepared to allow that, without doing their job properly (unless I'm missing something here). You are their client, you are (presumably) paying them for their expertise. MAKE THEM DO THEIR JOB.
  3. Re: the above two issues. Don't be passive. You owe it to yourself and your DC's to get stuck in and achieve what is fair.

In your position I would do NOTHING about buying a property until the assets have been put into the pot. Do some homework on Law Firms in your area, phone around, ask around for personal recommendations.

Been there. Got the T Shirt.

newbiename · 13/03/2022 08:36

Definitely claim CMS , how dare he not pay.
Go after the pension.

newbiename · 13/03/2022 08:36

Or say you'll leave his pension alone but keep the house.

Original poster
NorthGirlie · 13/03/2022 09:47

I’m in the north east

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/03/2022 09:57

I hope you get some shit hot lawyer recommendations.

It's a long marriage with children to be supported so he can STF about his pension!!!!!

Your need is greater than his because of the DC AngryAngryAngryAngry

Remember to ask for solicitor recommendations for those that got a good outcome for those in similar circumstances. It seems like you will end up in court.

Apply to CMS today, is he still working? That money will help fund the legal bill to keep a decent room over your DC heads.

ivykaty44 · 13/03/2022 11:25

He has to pay his sibling £90k.

and where will the £90k came from? assist built up whilst married?

Citygirl2019 · 13/03/2022 11:39

Of course he's not spoken to you since he left. He is sitting quietly rubbing his hands thinking how well he is coming out of this.

Movingonup22 · 13/03/2022 11:41

You need a better solicitor!!!!

MakingProgress2022 · 13/03/2022 11:48

North East - try Holmes Family law in Cramlington. They were the best of the five I interviewed. Did a great job, they’re strong women and super solicitors. They will protect your interests all the way.

MakingProgress2022 · 13/03/2022 11:49

And get online today to make the CMS application. Only you can do this.

ToastieSnowy · 13/03/2022 12:05

David Smark at Freeman Johnson solicitors in Durham.

He’s a SHL. Don’t he put off by his cost per hour, I was able to pay a minimum amount direct debit each month and top up what I could. He was worth every penny.

My ex wanted half the house along with his massive pension and other stuff. I got the house, some of the stuff and he kept his pension and trust. My SHL delayed the absolute until it was sorted because once that absolute comes through you have no claim on each other’s pensions or assets, only joint ones. So sort this ASAP. Flowers

ToastieSnowy · 13/03/2022 12:10

If your DS is staying in full time education there may be room for a court order so your almost exH has to pay maintenance for the time DS is in education. That’s in my court order but obviously it’s another thing to discuss with your SHL.

ToastieSnowy · 13/03/2022 12:11

Deep breath, you are protecting your future and your DCs future. You can do this. Keep fighting.

Tallisimo · 13/03/2022 12:29

I’m glad you seem to be thinking about yourself and your DC at last. Time to stop being ‘nice’, stop feeling guilty about ending the marriage and change your mindset.

You’ve had lots of good advice - and I particularly echo that you need to sack your rubbish solicitor who doesn’t seem to be representing you at all! And do sort out the maintenance - this isn’t being grabby or greedy, it’s about claiming for what you are entitled to, and it’s for your child!

Time to get angry about your STBEx’s willingness to fleece you and do something about it!

Original poster
NorthGirlie · 13/03/2022 13:38

@Newnormal99

At 50 you should be able to get a 20 year mortgage with many lenders. Mine goes to 69.5.
I really don’t want to pay a mortgage at that age. I’m mortgage free now so even paying at 50 makes me feel I’ll never have money to enjoy the rest of my life.
OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 13/03/2022 13:39

@ivykaty44

He has to pay his sibling £90k.

and where will the £90k came from? assist built up whilst married?

He wants half the value of the family home to pay the £90k to his sibling.
OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 13/03/2022 13:40

@RandomMess

I hope you get some shit hot lawyer recommendations.

It's a long marriage with children to be supported so he can STF about his pension!!!!!

Your need is greater than his because of the DC AngryAngryAngryAngry

Remember to ask for solicitor recommendations for those that got a good outcome for those in similar circumstances. It seems like you will end up in court.

Apply to CMS today, is he still working? That money will help fund the legal bill to keep a decent room over your DC heads.

Yes, he works but earns less than me.
OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 13/03/2022 13:42

Also, forgot to mention that he hasn’t taken any school holidays off since we split. I have had to use all of my annual leave to be off with them (and incur the costs of taking them away) which also means I’ve had no time to myself. I need some free time as I’m also going through the menopause. He reckons he is at work all the hols and most weekends!!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/03/2022 14:15

Doesn't matter that he earns less than you, if you have the DC more than 50% he has to pay maintenance.

RandomMess · 13/03/2022 14:16

He'll have to cash in some of his pension or get a mortgage like everyone else 🤷🏽‍♀️

AnotherEmma · 13/03/2022 14:41

@WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky

OP .... I say this with the greatest of respects, not to try to offend you but to try and talk some sense into you. You sound incredibly naïve. I can imagine IRL you must be such a lovely person, but this is your downfall here .... this man is taking the absolute piss out of you and your child, and you're letting it happen.

So, here's your action plan ....

  1. Toughen up. Forget what seems the right thing to do, what you should do, what doesn't seem fair etc. Change your mindset. Remove any emotion. See this as a financial battle and you must win it for your and your children's future.
  1. Claim child maintenance. Do this immediately. It doesn't matter that you're living in the family home. Who's paying for your child's food? Clothes? School trips? Hobbies? I'm guessing it's you - your ex should be contributing. Forget who earns what and family home etc. put honest details into the CMS calculator and they will come up with a fair amount.
  1. Change solicitor. Look for recommendations on your area for solicitor that is shit hot on divorce. If you ask on here and say roughly what area you live, I'm sure there'll be plenty of ladies who can make recommendations.
  1. Go for the jugular. I repeat what I said earlier - DO NOT feel guilty or try to be nice. If you play hard ball, you're matching him in tactics. You will then come out with what's fair! If you play soft, you'll get fleeced. Either way, the outcome of this will shape the future for you and your children.

Best of luck OP, you can do this! 💪🏻

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