Mortgage after divorce - what would you do?

[NorthGirlie]

Hi,
My marriage ended last year and we are currently at the stage of sorting out a financial settlement. I have 3 valuations booked for next week on the family home (mortgage free 4 bed detached house roughly work about £240-£250k).
Stbx has inherited property and has a bigger pension than mine due to being older than me and I worked part time for 12 years. Inherited property is ring fenced as he inherit after we split.
He is offering 50% of the family home so I’m looking at £120kish - possibly less once fees are deducted. I have the youngest child 100% of the time and he doesn’t pay maintenance. I hadn’t claimed due to living in the family home.
Anyway, there are some new houses being built in town £205k and £225k which would be ok for us (I’d need a 3 bed). These are both detached. I’d need a mortgage of up to £100k and this is what’s worrying me. I’d end up with very little disposable income (to a level I’d not sleep at night) paying this back as I need to pay it back in 10-15 years due to retirement age. I have worked hard and now a manager in my field but finding it stressful so I don’t want to be put in the position of having to stay in this role.
My stbx is mortgage free and will have his pension to himself (he paid AVCs throughout our marriage).
The houses that I am looking at are a good price for what they are and they’d take away the worry of house repairs for a good few years. There are only 2 houses available to reserve. I am thinking of reserving one tomorrow. Obviously, I can pull out if I need
to buy I’d lose the £500. I just feel like, without a financial settlement, I don’t know what I’ll get and, if I only get 50% of the family home, I will struggle in the future.
Id probably need an £80k mortgage tbh but worried about payments back at my age - 50. I’ve been mortgage free a few years now.

Shall I reserve the house or wait? I don’t thing anything at this price will be available soon and his solicitor is pushing me to get the house on the market. The new houses aren’t ready until August.

At 50 you should be able to get a 20 year mortgage with many lenders. Mine goes to 69.5.

You need a better solicitor OP.

[quote Citygirl2019]@NorthGirlie you are being fleeced by your ex. You need to stand firm and be clear what you need to provide for your DC. Your uni DC will need a home to come to in the holidays and financial support.

Is your ex paying rent/mortgage at the moment? If he is not, I'd make a maintenance claim. Why are you responsible for everything financially for your DC? [/quote]
No, he isn’t paying rent or mortgage.
I pay more for the kids as I earn more. He reckons he can’t afford it.

@Findingneeemo

So house 245k His pension 300k Yours 140k Plus he has half of another property.

He wants to keep all his pension, all his second property and take half the marital home. Plus he doesn’t pay maintenance. I’m surprised he’s not asking for half your pension too!

He’s a bit of a money grabber isn’t he?

Ask for recommendations for a shit hot solicitor.

I’m ten years younger than him so still have ten years to contribute to my pension. That is if I keep my job/health!

I got a 50\50 settlement of the mortgage and £400 pm child maintenance. DC's were young.
I had to raise a new mortgage to pay his 50\50 equity share. He never paid cm. So in hindsight I should have taken the house in lieu of maintenance.
It was a hard slog. Out the other side now. Just.

I’m surprised his solicitor isn’t insisting you pay your ex’s relative off for their share of the inherited house & spousal maintenance to boot

They are taking the absolute fucking puss out of you

He is walking away with an 80% share and it seems your solicitor is on his side

I’m not confident in my solicitor - female btw (not that it makes any difference). Initially, when I filed for divorce, I just paid £500 for a quick split and was going to go 50/50 on splitting assets (well, the house). It then became apparent that he wasn’t contributing a penny towards the children and had inherited another property. I started to realise I was going to be a lot worse off with only 50% of the sale proceeds of the family home plus the costs of housing/raising two kids. Plus, I am restricted in what I can do due to having no childcare support (I’m working in a role that is not my profession only because it is M-F) and it’s tough not having any ‘me time’ - all grandparents are RIP.
I decided to go further with the solicitor and push for a better/fairer split of assets. It was obvious that I was being taken for a ride. My solicitor left and I got someone else assigned to my case. They, too, left. Now on to my 3rd solicitor in a year with the same group. They send me the letters that his solicitor forwards but don’t seem to argue that ‘they can’t do that’. I also think a lot of letters my solicitor sends are just copied/churned out letters they use for everyone with a few minor details changes - like they don’t really listen and pay attention to your case. I have noticed a few errors. It is a group of a well known supermarket chain - I won’t say which.
They are at the stage of putting in a counter offer but when will a court decide on the split of assets?

The CM calculator said I was entitled to £500 a month when I checked last year. I haven’t claimed a penny as I am still residing in the family home (mortgage free).

www.thelondoneconomic.com/politics/inside-the-members-dining-room-where-a-30-meal-costs-mps-just-12-75-216257/

Child maintenance has nothing to do with you living in FMH

Tbh you seem to be your own worst enemy in allowing this to happen

Sack your solicitor and employ a decent solicitor

You need to toughen up about this. Put a claim in for child maintenance asap. It doesn’t matter that you’re staying in a house mortgage free.
Change solicitors and say you want more of his pension / higher percentage of the house. He shouldn’t get more just cos he has a better solicitor.

Sorry ignore the link

OP .... I say this with the greatest of respects, not to try to offend you but to try and talk some sense into you. You sound incredibly naïve. I can imagine IRL you must be such a lovely person, but this is your downfall here .... this man is taking the absolute piss out of you and your child, and you're letting it happen.

So, here's your action plan ....

1. Toughen up. Forget what seems the right thing to do, what you should do, what doesn't seem fair etc. Change your mindset. Remove any emotion. See this as a financial battle and you must win it for your and your children's future.

1. Claim child maintenance. Do this immediately. It doesn't matter that you're living in the family home. Who's paying for your child's food? Clothes? School trips? Hobbies? I'm guessing it's you - your ex should be contributing. Forget who earns what and family home etc. put honest details into the CMS calculator and they will come up with a fair amount.

1. Change solicitor. Look for recommendations on your area for solicitor that is shit hot on divorce. If you ask on here and say roughly what area you live, I'm sure there'll be plenty of ladies who can make recommendations.

1. Go for the jugular. I repeat what I said earlier - DO NOT feel guilty or try to be nice. If you play hard ball, you're matching him in tactics. You will then come out with what's fair! If you play soft, you'll get fleeced. Either way, the outcome of this will shape the future for you and your children.

Best of luck OP, you can do this! 💪🏻

You sound resigned to poor legal representation. Why?

You need good advice NOW. The fact that your solicitors haven’t been talking about relative needs is worrying.

Endorse the suggestions of a) new solicitor and b) CMS.

I finally made the call to CMS after 2 years of dicking about trying to be nice,. Assessment was made in 2 weeks. They deal with it, so you don’t have to negotiate with thr other party. It’s a legally binding responsibility, he has to pay (and it he doesn’t, they take payment from him directly. Charging 20% for thr privilege).

You make the claim online. It’s easy. Once you’ve done it, you will wonder why on earth you didn’t do to earlier.

You’ve been far too nice OP and far too trusting of incompetent solicitors. Changing three times in a year? Interview three divorce solicitors, choose the one you feel most comfortable with and who will protect your interests, and stick with him/her.

Whiskey’s action plan is perfect. This is you and your children’s future you’re talking about. Get real, and get it sorted.

Not only you are risking your own financial future by keeping your shit solicitor but also your youngest child's wellbeing. You know they are not doing a good job, you should get a decent solicitor before any settlement

I wish I hadn't claimed cm and had taken the equity in the house as lieu of. After the settlement cm became a cat and mouse game and he finally pissed off to France.
Don't trust him to pay cm.
Get the equity in the family home and carry on without him.
.

@NorthGirlie everyone is saying the same, you asked for advice. I hope you act on what's been shared for the sake of yourself and children.

You mention your health. When I split with my ex five years ago I never expected the recent cancer diagnosis. I am so thankful I'd learnt from friends around me and I am financially in a secure position. No one knows what life is going to throw our way.

Now is not the time to be nice.

Do you know how much he has to pay to his sibling?

Add everything up including his inheritance share and divide by 2, that's your counter offer IMO.

Claim CM, you might not need in now but it's for your children and their future needs.

Oh and change your representation.

Thanks everyone. I’m going to sit down later and make notes from the replies I’ve received. I’ve actually had a quick tot up of assets (if everything was in the pot) and, based on the offer his solicitor has sent, he’d get 66% of total assets and I’d get 34% - he will also be child free (the eldest is 18 anyway) once the new university year starts and I have the youngest 100% of the time (the eldest splits his time between both houses). He also hasn’t paid a penny in CM. A typical month of costs for me for the kids (and this is without food, fuel costs) is £300-£400 and I have kept records. I pay things like phone contracts, prescription glasses for the youngest, school lunches, school trips (eldest USA trip), clothes, days out etc. He hasn’t paid a penny plus doesn’t pay CM.

I know I’m soft. I’m pretty certain my solicitor is crap tbh so please recommend me a good one!

I guess I feel guilty for ending the marriage but I was so unhappy. It was a dead marriage. He wouldn’t even communicate with me like I was his wife in the end. Just sat in silence at the last few meals out we had.

He hasn't spoken to me since he moved out last spring.

Can someone recommend a good solicitor?

@caprimoon

Now is not the time to be nice.

Do you know how much he has to pay to his sibling?

Add everything up including his inheritance share and divide by 2, that's your counter offer IMO.

Claim CM, you might not need in now but it's for your children and their future needs.

Oh and change your representation.

He has to pay his sibling £90k.

You must see a solicitor. You are not being treated fairly.

On your post, NW offer mortgages beyond retirement age if you have a pension. I would stretch the mortgage as far as possible to give you more money.

@NorthGirlie

Can someone recommend a good solicitor?

I used Whitehead Monckton in Kent for my divorcee. They were very good.

Suggest you tell us the area you live in for recommendations.

You might want to start a new thread specifically for recommendations. "my stbech is trying to fleece me and i need a new solicitor - recommendations in xxx?"