To be concerned at dh wanting to drop down in wages?

[deborahdoo]

Aibu to be upset that dh is considering going for a promotion which would mean he would lose his shift allowance of approx 20k.

The new job he has been asked to go for is a days position (current position is 4days on and 4days off) in lower management. He wants to go for it as he has just completed a diploma in management and is very proud as it was his first stab at third level education. I am v proud of him too but aibu to be concerned at a 20k drop. More of a wwyd really. I can't and won't stop him but I guess I'm just concerned with the way things are right now.

@deborahdoo DH did something similar - he took a pay cut of well over £20K, and about 75% of his pay to return to Uni and retrain to be a teacher part time whilst also working as an LSA for experience (although on the plus side he did take VR so got a decent payout too). It is hard - we have had a significant drop in income and I am now the main earner which was never planned. On top of that DD started nursery as I returned to work and that takes out another huge part of our income. With that and DH job we are on half of what we were and I do have to ruthlessly budget, meal plan and make active choices with each spend.

BUT it's not forever, his earning potential will climb back up again, I will have opportunities to increase my earning power and the change in him is worth it. He is so fulfilled and proud of himself and happy. He skips home, he skips to work, he is an absolute delight to be around.

It's not forever OP - even though it feels like it at the time. I'd back him, a life partner who has your back and who's back you have is just irreplaceable.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

It’s not about not affording to live it’s about a shift in lifestyle - so OP doesn’t get to be consulted?

Nowhere did I say she should be consulted. I just challenged your pointthat said it was 'irresponsible'.

You were the one that brought up taking a wage cut and not being able to afford your children.

@zaffa but that's different. Changing career/retraining is not the same as a within-company promotion. The OPs DH should be negotiating his salary to ensure he is not earning less whilst working for the same company.

@ntsure

I don’t think having a household income of almost 100k is going to be too concerning

Ntsure Your post smacks for jealousy!

The OP is allowed to be concerned, just because you think 98k is a lot, doesn't make it unreasonable for her to be concerned about a change in income. In fact it's very sensible. A change in any circumstance can be a worrying time.

Actually, I posted before. But I really actually agree with scottishgirl:

"I don't understand why he isn't negotiating the salary? Is the new job with the same company? A promotion should never lead to less money, even though he will benefit from having weekends off. It doesn't make sense to me. Fwiw we are very high earners, and although we could obviously manage on less, I'd never go for a promotion with a lower salary."

I imagine his base salary is going up, but his extra pay for shift work won't be available as he will no longer be working shifts? They'll be able to justify it that way. It's worth asking obviously, but I don't think "a promotion should never mean lower pay" really applies as the additional pay isn't part of his basic salary.

Hi everyone, just on fur a quick minute. I'm just going to answer a few questions.

@SoberSerena yes you are right. He is losing his shift allowance. I have spoken to dh briefly about it today at lunch and he said his base salary is currently 60k and that will increase to 68k and as someone mentioned they will dwindle the shift allowance down over 3 months.

I'm not in anyway holding him back, I'm on board of course. As I said in my original post I am just concerned...and rightly so in my mind with the fact that we are planning a second dc.

We need to sit and look at the finances and see how it would look with me being on mat leave.

I don’t know why people are being so harsh, a 20k drop in pay is a huge amount to lose when it’s a quarter of your pay. Also, why are people assuming OP is loading and won’t notice the difference? A 100k joint income when you have two kids isn’t a fortune if you have debt/childcare/expensive mortgage etc. The tax you pay on that means your take home pay is significantly less than what most people imagine as well. For example my salary is more than double what my MILs is, but with tax, pension and student loan I only take home about 1/3 more than her.

Things to bear in mind-

His new job may require unpaid hours. DH is on a salary that's not related to hours worked. He may be officially 37.5 hours a week but works far more. He's also potentially on call while he's on annual leave.

He may not like the new job- he'll be doing something new and unfamiliar, rather than being an expert at the top of his game as he currently is.

If he doesn't stay with the new job, will he have lost the perks of his old job, or will he be able to return at the same rate?

Of course it's natural to feel concerned when your household takehome pay is going down by £1000 a month. My husband earns around the same as yours and it would absolutely throw me if he was to take that big drop in wages, even though it would probably just mean saving less every month.

You haven't expressed any specific worries about covering outgoings so it sounds like you will be okay on the lower salary but it's completely natural that it will take you some time to adjust to the new circumstances. When you say his wage will go up to 68k, is that the ceiling or is that just the next progression?

I hope that long term this will be a positive thing for you and your family.

I think it depends how ambitious you are and how important quality of life is. I’m a teacher and can’t help but feel envious of your big salaries! My husband earns ok but he prioritises work/life balance, time on
The weekend as a family and his own stress levels.
If your husband is still earning a lot (and it’s more than you earn) I don’t see how you’ve got any room to complain.

Sorry complain is the wrong word!

I would place great value on the change to family-friendly hours as an important part of your overall plan. You sound wonderfully clear-sighted in other respects: house move, clear plans for training/promotion/salary bumps for both of you, a conscious decision on timing of another child. But working patterns and work-family balance don't seem a priority in your plan - now you have an opportunity to adjust those too.

I like the suggestion from a previous poster - could DH view this offer as affirmation, but seek the new position in another company, with a higher salary?