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Original poster

To be concerned at dh wanting to drop down in wages?

113 replies

deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 20:45

Aibu to be upset that dh is considering going for a promotion which would mean he would lose his shift allowance of approx 20k.

The new job he has been asked to go for is a days position (current position is 4days on and 4days off) in lower management. He wants to go for it as he has just completed a diploma in management and is very proud as it was his first stab at third level education. I am v proud of him too but aibu to be concerned at a 20k drop. More of a wwyd really. I can't and won't stop him but I guess I'm just concerned with the way things are right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 21:44

@Kite22 he did a trade instead of college so he does have that. It's the shift allowance that pushes it up quite a lot. His job requires a lot of responsibility and is very deadline driven etc. It's in pharmaceuticals

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 01/03/2022 21:49

Ooooooh
may be a controversial opinion but it’s a big a fat NO from me.
I think I would support a move definitely but it needs to be the right move into management ie in the right role at the right company

This just sounds like the first convenient thing he found and he fancies a go. That is too steep a drop for a promotion - he should look externally or look for different roles.

12k buys all holidays all present and probably all utilises and bills that’s A LOT.
Also pension contributions will drop.

Kite22 · 01/03/2022 22:18

Ultimately it depends on what you are committed to be paying out every month.
Then, to some extent your ages and if you have dc, or your plans for the future.
Ultimately, I think we all spend too much of our lives at work to be doing something we no longer want to do, when there is a reasonable option to do something slight (or completely) different.

Adeleskirts · 01/03/2022 22:21

@Totalwasteofpaper

Ooooooh may be a controversial opinion but it’s a big a fat NO from me. I think I would support a move definitely but it needs to be the right move into management ie in the right role at the right company

This just sounds like the first convenient thing he found and he fancies a go. That is too steep a drop for a promotion - he should look externally or look for different roles.

12k buys all holidays all present and probably all utilises and bills that’s A LOT.
Also pension contributions will drop.

I’m sorry, I think you’ve misunderstood. He’s her husband not her child. He doesn’t need her permission. And they can live on a hundred grand a year.
dfendyr · 01/03/2022 22:32

@deborahdoo

1/4 Blush
Sorry, how much is he on?
Adeleskirts · 01/03/2022 22:35

A quarter means he’s on eighty currently and will drop to sixty but he gets progression. She earns 38. So they will be on 98k a year instead of 118. Thr op is unhappy about this and finds it concerning.

Embracelife · 01/03/2022 22:38

You will be earning 98k between you. Seems pretty good
And better hours.

NoSquirrels · 01/03/2022 22:39

Presumably you’ve been able to either save a lot, or you can make some lifestyle changes in order to do this? You’re not going to be on the breadline exactly, are you?

Ki0612 · 01/03/2022 22:40

Honestly thats such a big drop for assuming more work and responsibility/ stress as its a promotion...

Original poster
deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 22:43

Yes it will be different responsibilities I suppose @Ki0612 it's a big drop. We have 1 dc for those asking, we have just moved and are going to start trying for number 2. We have some savings, though not as much as previous due to just moving.

I am aware we have a good income...that doesn't negate my concern though.

OP posts:
ntsure · 01/03/2022 22:43

I don’t think having a household income of almost 100k is going to be too concerning

ntsure · 01/03/2022 22:46

What is it in particular that you are concerned about? You won’t be struggling for money and will still be in a pretty high household income bracket so it’s not like you’ll have a difficult life as a result m

Original poster
deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 22:47

@ntsure in your opinion...but I am allowed to be concerned. Your opinion does not trump my feelings in the matter. I am very aware that it is a good income but as I said that doesn't negate my concern. I'm trying not to be rude here. But a drop in income is a drop nonetheless...

OP posts:
deadlanguage · 01/03/2022 22:48

You will still be very well off and he will have scope for further increases… I don’t see what there is to be concerned about personally.

Original poster
deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 22:48

@ntsure as I have just said we are going to start trying for baby number 2 (I'm 32 and I don't want to leave it any longer!)

OP posts:
Adeleskirts · 01/03/2022 22:48

Then maybe it would be good for you to try to make up the difference op if he doesn’t earn enough for you? I’m sure you could give it sone thought and find ways to speed up your progression.

ntsure · 01/03/2022 22:50

Plenty of people have two kids on much lower incomes, considering the amount of people living in poverty and the increase in food and fuel prices this is pretty tone death

SockFluffInTheBath · 01/03/2022 22:50

Not long after we got married DH took a 20% pay cut for a promotion. He’s now on a lot more than he would have been in if he’d stayed in the original job. It was tight for a while but we played the long game.

Original poster
deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 22:52

@ntsure so what other people are not allowed to ask questions if they earn more than the average wage!? I am taking on your opinion, however you cannot tell me my feelings are not warranted...that's not for you to say! @Adeleskirts I'm getting there but going on mat leave will hardly make up any difference I suppose. And I know ppl do it on a lot less. I understand that but I wasn't asking that.

OP posts:
Giraffapuses · 01/03/2022 22:52

Hmmn. I'd be concerned too. You are supporting your partner in his choices which is fantastic. But perhaps worth a purely financial discussion.

A few factors worth considering:

  • Will this job grow his self esteem and if so is there another way to give him that psychic payoff?
  • Can you actually afford it in the big picture (e.g. pension, increased utility costs, inflation etc)?
  • what kind of timeline for progression is available

You make it clear in your post your proud and supportive. But, it's still a big life decision with many elements worth considering.

An interesting line of enquiry might be to understand more about what this new job means to your DH. Perhaps he can challenge any negative self image a different way.

Anniefrenchfry · 01/03/2022 22:53

With two kids weekends together will be great. But I think as your earnings are the low one bringing the joint pot down and you want more then it’s time to focus on how you can increase that, further training, applying for different jobs, lots you can do to try to increase it and contribute more?

Original poster
deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 22:54

@SockFluffInTheBath that's what I'm thinking too. It will be better in the long run for sure. As you say it will be tighter,especially if I go on may leave in the next few years. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 22:58

@Anniefrenchfry I have done all I can do training/course wise. I am trying to build up experience in my current role at the moment (1 1/2 years current but 3 years is the target and usually essential!) I'm thinking if I can get a promotion possibly before I go on Mat leave if I try to time everything (easier said than done!) that should bring me up to early to mid 50's!

OP posts:
Offside · 01/03/2022 23:02

I get you OP. My DH is a high earner and I too bring in above average wage, 20k is still 20k at the end of the day and, if you’re like us, our lifestyle matches our income. Reducing it by 20k would impact that. Additionally, if you have just moved I’m assuming your mortgage is probably more than your previous mortgage (presuming you have moved up the ladder) and based on your DHs current salary rather than on him being on 20k less.

I’m not sure what to suggest. Ironically my DH is currently considering a move but he will lose a substantial bonus at the end of the year if he does, and although we’re a high income family, it’s still a lot of money to just essentially throw away. Having said that, I’d be more than happy if he chose to move so long as he was happy with that decision.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 01/03/2022 23:04

Do you do a budget? Can you see what you will have to drop at likely £2K less a month income?