To be concerned at dh wanting to drop down in wages?

[deborahdoo]

Aibu to be upset that dh is considering going for a promotion which would mean he would lose his shift allowance of approx 20k.

The new job he has been asked to go for is a days position (current position is 4days on and 4days off) in lower management. He wants to go for it as he has just completed a diploma in management and is very proud as it was his first stab at third level education. I am v proud of him too but aibu to be concerned at a 20k drop. More of a wwyd really. I can't and won't stop him but I guess I'm just concerned with the way things are right now.

@ntsure in your opinion

but it isn't just her opinion. It is fact.
Of course a change can be concerning, but, as a couple you are still on a MASSIVE income. Seriously, go and look it up at what % of people earn £80,000.
Mathematically, being a top earner gives you more options - more areas you can look at to cut some spending than people who are on smaller incomes, and that includes people on a whole range of really good salaries, not just people on minimum wage, low income, or even average income.

(Net)

I would be concerned. Yes your combined salaries are good, but nobody here has any idea what your outgoings are, whether you live in an expensive location, etc. Cost of living is only going one way at the moment and if you're planning to have another child relatively soon I would be worried.
Even if your DH received the maximum 5% expected annual pay increase (which is, I expect, in no way guaranteed) it would take him six years to get back to where he was previously.
A "promotion" with a 20% pay cut just doesn't make sense to me.

I think you’re getting a lack of sympathy firstly because didn’t you plan for this? And secondly you only have 1 child and a combined income of £100k a year so unless you’re mortgaged up to your eyeballs, it’s difficult to see the issue.

My dh did those shifts- 4x 12 hour shifts, 2 days /2 nights. They were brutal and rubbish for family life, especially with school age dc. A month of weekend working in one go was awful.
I
Those shifts catch up on you too with age, dh was mid 40'S when he stopped. I'd rather take the hit now and be able to build up career.

@Savvysix1984, OP has said he doesn't do any nights - just 4 x days

Can you pinpoint what your ‘concern’ is n real, monetary, tangible terms?

Do you know what you currently spend, what your fixed outgoings are, and what you’d need to cut back on to accommodate a £20,000 income drop?

The thing is, this shift work bonus is not really a permanent long-term option for your DH’s career. The reason there’s a premium paid for shift work is that it generally entails an event of undesirable working conditions. You can do that when young and fit and no dependants. But if you want a more sustainable family life as you (hopefully) have another DC, and move into the phase of schooling etc then a more 9-5 Mon-Fri job may give you all a better chance at a balanced family life.

Try to look holistically at the long term, both for your career and your DH’s and childcare & family life in 2 years/5 years/10 years.

Then also look at a granular level at your current finances, and goals for 2 years/5 years/10 years.

The way you’ve phrased your concern is just ‘things are getting more expensive so how will we cope’? But that’s why you’re getting fairly unsympathetic replies - you’re on a high joint income and whilst prices are rising for everyone you’ll be way, way less affected than others.

Figure out precisely what this £20K drop means in real terms to your household and go from there.

Do you do a budget? Can you see what you will have to drop at likely £2K less a month income?

Approx £1K a month, surely - allowing for all the tax etc. that would have been taken out of that £20K.

Ideally, work is all about balance and how happy it leaves you in life. Many people don't get the choice to even consider that, but you're in the lucky minority who do. You seem to be dismissing all of those weekends together with the family as by-the-by, but they will be such a huge benefit. Taken to extremes, he could bring in over 55K doing a NMW job, if he worked 16 hours a day, 7 days a week - as some people do do - very few of them out of choice, though. Living to work rather than working to live.

Your time is important, and your own peace of mind, as well as your income. Management jobs don't always 'pay' more in purely monetary terms, but often in flexibility, respect, more freedom and - to turn things on their head - not having to do unpleasant/unsociable hours. Plus, as you say, this is the first step of the management ladder, which should bring further promotions with the same nicer number of hours, but with more money than he currently gets.

I say let him go for it with your blessing. If you're still left with nearly £100K income, it's much nicer to live a £100K lifestyle than to happen to get £120K, but in return have a £60K lifestyle, with a huge number of extra hours at nights/weekends and less respect, freedom and family time.

So your joint wage going forward would be approx £90,000 a year- him on £60 and you £30..........I assume that you'd be able to survive on this, as it's a significant wage- and he loses having to do shift work, weekends, and a rotating roster........If I was him it would be a no brainer. It hardly leaves the family destitute.....

If the job goes with better family life I would say it is worth it

As a shift worker I would say the drop is worth it if you have kids. It sucks feeling like you are missing out in your children’s childhood. And surely it’s his choice to make.

No brainer for me. Of course he should, he will be earning more in the long term anyway.

[quote deborahdoo]@ntsure in your opinion...but I am allowed to be concerned. Your opinion does not trump my feelings in the matter. I am very aware that it is a good income but as I said that doesn't negate my concern. I'm trying not to be rude here. But a drop in income is a drop nonetheless...[/quote]
Does he says he’s concerned that you only earn £38k, want more children, want to go onto maternity etc and those decisions will affect income?
I’d be more concerned with your own earning potential if I was you. What if you split up in the future.

I understand OP, yes you have a high income but it's all relative. You may have a mortgage which reflected your current income, both of you working most likely incurs high childcare fees, and possibly high commuting costs.
We all live up to our income in some ways, no matter how much it may be and I wouldn't be happy of a drop of that sort.

@Suzi888 no he doesn't and I haven't voiced my concerns to him either. My earning potential is good once I have the next few years in experience done. I would be fine if we split (although I don't for-see that happening!) the house is 50/50 in every way.
And WE want another child...it's not a only my decision.
I have great family support if I was left on my own i would be ok...yes it would be very different.

I have only said I am concerned and I think I'm allowed to feel that.

@PiffleWiffleWoozle I can set out my budget and see how it will look in all circumstances, yes that would help.

Thanks to those who understand. I'm off to work now.

“ I would be fine if we split (although I don't for-see that happening!)” - well no, nobody ever does do they.
I’d support my DH whatever he wanted to do, it’s not all money, money, money. There is more to life- happiness for one.

Surely his job knows all this. They know his current salary, and his shift allowance, and they know that or by offering him this step up but lower pay position it's going to hit home hard initially. it's not unreasonable during the negotiation process to say ... "I do appreciate this opportunity, but dropping 20k in salary initially will be hard, can you reassure me that .., "

Bear in mind that it won't be a 20% take home difference. I did something similar and by the time tax was taken off, lower NI and pension payment the actual pay packet loss was less and more manageable. It was also the first step to other promotions which eventually made the loss of. Job satisfaction also needs to be factored in. Most of us are at work each week more than we were any place else. Being happy and fulfilled at work is worth s lot, if you can manage the wage drop. Work satisfaction or dissatisfaction plays a big part in good/ bad marital relationships and can impact on parental and other relationships. I think your DH would wonder why he bothered with the management course if he doesn't take this opportunity and it might make him resentful. This is only my own take on it. Lots to think about. 💐

Wow people are vile- a family unit is a unit- choosing to drop a income when you have children is your partners business and slightly irresponsible imo.
That being said no point worrying or debating you need to sit down with the figures, lay out the outgoings and look at it practically with him.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Wow people are vile- a family unit is a unit- choosing to drop a income when you have children is your partners business and slightly irresponsible imo. That being said no point worrying or debating you need to sit down with the figures, lay out the outgoings and look at it practically with him.

He is choosing long term progression. Just like the op did. Just because you have children doesn’t mean you need to martyr your career. The op certainly didn’t. And it’s the difference between a hundred grand a year and a hundred and twenty, hardly poverty stricken.

You have every right to be concerned, a £20k drop is huge.

My earning potential is good once I have the next few years in experience done.

But is that not exactly the same for him, once he starts climbing the management ladder?

He is choosing long term progression. Just like the op did. Just because you have children doesn’t mean you need to martyr your career. The op certainly didn’t. And it’s the difference between a hundred grand a year and a hundred and twenty, hardly poverty stricken no it’s not poverty stricken but most people live a life equal to their income- would you say a parent should drop a significant enough salary bracket to follow their dreams if it means say pulling the kids out of a private school?

Pension probably won't be impacted because shift allowances are not usually pensionable.

The obvious thing to do is work out the net and do a spreadsheet with all incomings and outgoings.

I think you'll cope, but it is important to know where your money is going.

Also, he can negotiate the salary and ask for more. And some places where this happens they have a system where they pay the shift allowances for a period after you start the new job, in a tail off (so, maybe 100% for 3m, then 50% for 3m and 25% for 6m or something like that) and he can ask if a similar system exists.

They will know this is an issue so probably do have something in place.

The health impacts of working nights are well documented…

Certainly worth 20k