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Original poster

To be concerned at dh wanting to drop down in wages?

113 replies

deborahdoo · 01/03/2022 20:45

Aibu to be upset that dh is considering going for a promotion which would mean he would lose his shift allowance of approx 20k.

The new job he has been asked to go for is a days position (current position is 4days on and 4days off) in lower management. He wants to go for it as he has just completed a diploma in management and is very proud as it was his first stab at third level education. I am v proud of him too but aibu to be concerned at a 20k drop. More of a wwyd really. I can't and won't stop him but I guess I'm just concerned with the way things are right now.

OP posts:
Motnight · 02/03/2022 11:02

I completely understand your concern Op. Have you sat down together to look at what the change in finances will actually mean for your family on a practical level?

FinnulaFloss · 02/03/2022 11:04

If you take out the shift allowance completely, is it a payrise of basic salary for him op?

Personally I am very wary of shift allowances in general. A good friend of mine worked for the police for years on a 4 on/4 off and the total package was basic plus 34% extra shift allowance and well paid overall.

It was great until their role was reshuffled and changed to standard hours and the shift allowance removed with a few weeks notice only. Totally stuffed a lot of people and there was no way to dispute it at all.

As long as it is actually affordable for you, I would look at the positives of better more regular working hours and increased security - not relying on an additional allowance that could technically disappear at any time anyway.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/03/2022 11:06

You are unreasonable to be "upset", you are not unreasonable to discuss the financial implications vs the benefits of the promotion with him, raising any potential issues and giving your opinion.

Ultimately, once he is armed with all the relevant information, it is his decision.

Figrollface · 02/03/2022 11:08

Is there room for negotiation?
I'm assuming that although he'll drop his 25% shift allowance he'll get a pay increase on his basic salary?

Associatepeggy · 02/03/2022 11:09

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Wow people are vile- a family unit is a unit- choosing to drop a income when you have children is your partners business and slightly irresponsible imo. That being said no point worrying or debating you need to sit down with the figures, lay out the outgoings and look at it practically with him.
Well, firstly earning 80k isnt the whole reason for him being part of the family.

Its really not irresponsible to think long term instead of short term.

And this working pattern is better for said family.

SoberSerena · 02/03/2022 11:13

I'd support my OH in the same circumstances. Speculate to accumulate and all that.

If we needed to do it, I'd happily let OH quit work entirely if it worked. I don't get this whole "but exavctly what are you contributing financially" thing. Doesn't seem very loving to me, but whatever.

Obviously if the 1/4 salary drop was going to leave you destitute that would be different or if it wasn't going to lead anywhere, but since you can cope and since he is the higher earner anyway, I don't think you have a leg to stand on asking him to clip his wings. Sorry if that's harsh.

FinallyHere · 02/03/2022 11:16

I'd look carefully at the impact and really try and make it work.

It's a confirmation that he is good at actually managing, as well as doing the academic qualifications.

If you can possibly manage it, it's much better for his long term career to be on management scales than to remain where he is. Shift work really takes a toll, that's why the allowances are so good.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 02/03/2022 11:17

I would be concerned about a £20k drop in income too! The important things to work out are:

Long term prospects - if he stays put, what's the maximum he could earn? If he moves and takes the hit, what could he earn in the future?

I really don't understand why a promotion is less money, so is there any wiggle room/negotiation that could be done to minimise this?

Can you actually afford the drop right now with one baby and potentially a second - would it matter if he waited a few years and then went for it?

InkySquid · 02/03/2022 11:20

Personally I am very wary of shift allowances in general. A good friend of mine worked for the police for years on a 4 on/4 off and the total package was basic plus 34% extra shift allowance and well paid overall.

It was great until their role was reshuffled and changed to standard hours and the shift allowance removed with a few weeks notice only. Totally stuffed a lot of people and there was no way to dispute it at all.

Yes, a friend went through exactly the same.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2022 11:21

Well, firstly earning 80k isnt the whole reason for him being part of the family I didn’t say it was, I also didn’t say he couldn’t move jobs but the OP is perfectly entitled to be worried and have a say in the decision.

Pyewhacket · 02/03/2022 11:34

...... but the OP is perfectly entitled to be worried and have a say in the decision.

She can have an input but ultimately the final decision is his.

VanGoghsDog · 02/03/2022 11:37

@FTEngineerM

The health impacts of working nights are well documented…

Certainly worth 20k

He doesn't work nights. This is also well documented in the OP's posts....
MedievalWarrior · 02/03/2022 11:37

People are being very harsh. Most people live according to their income and taking a 20k drop is a lot. As they are a family it will affect the OP. I can’t believe anyone would be perfectly comfortable at the thought of losing this much household income.

If this is an internal promotion it would be perfectly reasonable to try and negotiate so his new pay didn’t mean so much of a drop.

Having said that, if the long-term prospects are good and it’s something important to him I would also want to support him and work out how the household finances could be adjusted in the short-term.

Associatepeggy · 02/03/2022 11:46

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Well, firstly earning 80k isnt the whole reason for him being part of the family I didn’t say it was, I also didn’t say he couldn’t move jobs but the OP is perfectly entitled to be worried and have a say in the decision.
You said it was irresponsible.

I was explaining why its not irresponsible.

Associatepeggy · 02/03/2022 11:48

@MedievalWarrior

People are being very harsh. Most people live according to their income and taking a 20k drop is a lot. As they are a family it will affect the OP. I can’t believe anyone would be perfectly comfortable at the thought of losing this much household income.

If this is an internal promotion it would be perfectly reasonable to try and negotiate so his new pay didn’t mean so much of a drop.

Having said that, if the long-term prospects are good and it’s something important to him I would also want to support him and work out how the household finances could be adjusted in the short-term.

I get what you are saying.

But this was always going to happen if he wanted to progress. The shift allowance isn't there on the next rung.

FTEngineerM · 02/03/2022 12:06

@VanGoghsDog seems I need new eyeballs. Thanks.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2022 12:57

You said it was irresponsible I think in many instances it is, it certainly is to do so without sitting down with your partner and looking at the outgoings.
It would be irresponsible of me and I go take a job earning less just because it’s my dream- I have two children to support. Fact you can’t be impulsive with a young family

Kite22 · 02/03/2022 13:50

A good friend of mine worked for the police for years on a 4 on/4 off and the total package was basic plus 34% extra shift allowance and well paid overall.

There is of course a reason why a shift allowance brings such a big top up in wages - be it this 34% or the OP's DH's 25% - it is because most people don't like working shifts long term.
Some people will, and some people just accept it is what it is, but if you offered people a choice on the same salary, overwhelmingly people wouldn't choose shifts.
Feasibly, the OP's DH has realise he doesn't want to be doing them for the rest of his life. Makes sense to then use the qualification he has worked for, take the opportunity that has been offered, and take the hit for the 5 years or so until he moves up through the management ranks. In the same way many of us take a hit on salary whilst working with babies and young children and paying childcare costs, or by taking a full year's maternity leave, or other people start their own business and scrape by for the first 2 or 3 years, looking at the bigger picture rather than the next few months.

Associatepeggy · 02/03/2022 13:59

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

You said it was irresponsible I think in many instances it is, it certainly is to do so without sitting down with your partner and looking at the outgoings. It would be irresponsible of me and I go take a job earning less just because it’s my dream- I have two children to support. Fact you can’t be impulsive with a young family
Many instances don't matter though do they.

Op hasn't said they can't support the family, if you dripping wage meant you couldnt support your kids then it would be irresponsible, especially if long term it was a bad prospect. They knew this would happen if he wanted promotion. It improves family time and no where has op said they won't be able to afford to support their kids. It's better long term.

And they still earn 100k. They won't be destitute. So it's not irresponsible.

Blossom64265 · 02/03/2022 14:15

You have to consider his salary potential over a lifetime on the two paths.

Also the physical demands of the job. If he is moving onto the management track and away from shift work, he is likely moving into a career path that will make it easier for him to work easily into his later years. Trades and shift work often pay quite well, but take their toll and people have to retire younger. Which can massively stunt lifetime earnings.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2022 14:47

And they still earn 100k. They won't be destitute. So it's not irresponsible it’s still dependent on their outgoings- we all cut our cloth accordingly - it is irresponsible if it changes the lifestyle of the family!

Associatepeggy · 02/03/2022 14:53

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

And they still earn 100k. They won't be destitute. So it's not irresponsible it’s still dependent on their outgoings- we all cut our cloth accordingly - it is irresponsible if it changes the lifestyle of the family!
Ffs! 🙄 but op hasn't said they can't afford to live or will struggle. Why would she leave that bit out?

You are just assuming that. In the hope of trying to make your original statement of 'it's irresponsible' anywhere near correct. When it's not.

Associatepeggy · 02/03/2022 14:55

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

And they still earn 100k. They won't be destitute. So it's not irresponsible it’s still dependent on their outgoings- we all cut our cloth accordingly - it is irresponsible if it changes the lifestyle of the family!
Oh and also, I don't know anyone who earns a shift allowance that cuts their cloth where the must have it, because its precarious.

And also, I know loads of people on 100k plus, including myself, who keep pur lifestyle smaller, just incase. We give ourselves some wiggle room, helps boost savings and investments and is good long term planning.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2022 16:05

It’s not about not affording to live it’s about a shift in lifestyle - so OP doesn’t get to be consulted?

Scottishgirl85 · 02/03/2022 16:34

I don't understand why he isn't negotiating the salary? Is the new job with the same company? A promotion should never lead to less money, even though he will benefit from having weekends off. It doesn't make sense to me. Fwiw we are very high earners, and although we could obviously manage on less, I'd never go for a promotion with a lower salary.