How much should DD contribute?

[notonmywatch71]

My DD had a baby 6 months ago and has settled into a routine and sorted her finances out . She gets £570 in UC and CHB. What would be a reasonable amount to charge for a contribution to the household? I'm not including rent or council tax
As a single parent myself I am currently working 30hrs a week and earn £240 per week.I can't really afford to pay for her and my DGC. TIA.

[quote solbunny]@Cocomarine I think you're possibly reading something into my original comment that I did not intend. I wasn't making a list of necessary costs. I was having a think of what I've spent on my baby in the last month and realising how little £100 would go. The fact my baby had a huge growth spurt and outgrew all his clothes and his crib is an example of how unexpected babies and their needs can be.

I just think it's miserable that you actually suggested that making unsafe DIY alterations to a sleep product is what OP's daughter should do rather than be able to buy sleeping bags that actually fit her baby (which many people and some orgs feel more comfortable with at night than blankets) because she "decided to have a baby at seventeen" [/quote]
And again, you’re selectively quoting the girl being 17 and not the same sentence about her not earning and relying on a parent who can’t afford to support her.

I didn’t say that she should make unsafe DIY alterations. I suggested that sewing larger sleeping bags is a possibility - which it is. But I also suggested blankets. So no, she doesn’t have to sew the sleeping bag if she feels she cannot do so safely.

I actually agree with you that there are lots of costs with a baby that you might not expect. But you cut your cloth. I think that list of costs is lower than you do. But then, I come from a background where nobody bought perfect newborn sized baby grows, for example - a background where babies grow INTO clothes, not OUT OF them.

@LittleOwl153 I think some of you need to be aware of what OP can actually afford to do here - given that she has lost all her UC/CHB AND maintenance from the girls father.
But that is irrelevant because that money was to provide for her daughter , food, clothes, money towards utilities, holidays , school stuff entertainment etc.
The op doesn’t need that money anymore as she is not “maintaining” her dd.
Her dd should be paying the exact cost of her food and the difference in utilities it costs by her living there. Plus an amount towards the rent. £200 a month more than covers that. Any more and then op is just financially profiting for her dd living at home.
UC and maintenance for a child is not bonus money when the purpose for that money no longer applies then it can’t be used in a budget.
Also to the people who keep mentioning council tax the dd is 17 not an adult so the op still gets her single adult discount.

@MyDcAreMarvel

I think you are missing the point of my post.

If the household costs £1535 a month in rent, council tax, utilities and food. The OP earns £1040, you are proposing DD contributes £200... where do you think the other £195 should come from?
(And this leaves OP no disposable cash for herself)

Do you really think it's right that DD has £370 to spend on herself and baby - and OP runs up a debt of £195 a month and has no disposable income?

How is that sustainable?

£200 is simply not enough to cover her rent/bill/food in the give senario

@Comefromaway well yes my outgoings would be less since I'm at home and not in accommodation. Accommodation is usually more expensive due to location (being in the town centre).

My point was, if, as someone suggested, that the daughter pay £400 out of the £570 they have per month, then it may not work out. Also the fact that they'd be paying £400 in house keeping as well as having a child is a lot. I mentioned that my outgoings come to £400 because I have no children, it doesn't seem sustainable for this girl who also has a child to look after.

If I'm honest, I'm confused about the point you are trying to make, could you explain please?

[quote Cocomarine]@solbunny you are scraping the barrel too thin here! Long power cuts in your rural area?

If there were so many other reasons too, how did we manage without it before compared found a way up sell us? 🤣

Of course new products can be wonderfully useful - and sometimes they become necessary. But with the exception of people who live rurally with frequent and long power cuts (but not so frequent and long that when they have a baby they don’t think to have a gas camping stove for emergency sterilisation 🤣) there really aren’t lots of occasions when someone who can’t afford RTF needs RTF![/quote]
Scraping the barrel how? By explaining to you why RTF can be necessary? Of the top of my head, we had five powercuts that lasted more than an hour this month (obviously a bumper month with the storms but they weren't all storm related). If we're having bad weather I will try and keep flasks of boiling water ready in preparation for the power cut but it's not always possible, and my baby will only breastfeed for so long before getting frustrated as low supply. So in my situation and I'm sure many others, RTF is necessary to keep in the house.

I don't know what you did before RTF came out because I don't need to put myself or my baby in that situation. But I'm sure that whatever option I'd have to make formula without access to hot water is not anywhere near as safe as RTF, which is why I deem it to be necessary.

Besides, I think you keep missing the point in your excitement to shame a seventeen year old girl. I did not make a list of necessary costs. I made a list of costs I'd experienced this month as a fairly standard mum who doesn't like to spend that much.

OP is not here asking what is the bare minimum she can leave her daughter to survive on. She's asking what people think is reasonable. I was giving an example of what I personally deem to be normal, reasonable costs to potentially help decide how much OP wants to change her daughter rent. I am positive that OP doesn't share your desire for her daughter to only buy strictly absolute necessities as a punishment for getting pregnant at 17.

Except that I’m not shaming anyone, and I’m not shaming a 17yo.

For the third time @solbunny - why do you keep selectively leaving out my words regarding a 17yo who is not earning and whose parent cannot afford to support them?

I struggle to see an occasion when this woman is going to need RTF.
(nuclear war notwithstanding 🤣)

Do you really think she lives rurally with all the power cuts you have? And if she does, that frequently, a small gas camping stove will work out cheaper for her 🤷🏻‍♀️

You may have been just thinking over your month of unexpected expenses, but the point is your living in a different financial world. Sleeping bags not blankets. Next to me cribs instead of the full size cot. New clothes instead of just buying bigger to start with (you might have been caught out by the growth spurt timing, but all babies grow).

I’m not suggesting this baby should have nothing as some kind of Victorian workhouse punishment for the mother being 17. But if you choose to have a baby, and your mum needs board money to support you, then you don’t get sleeping bags for every size, RTF cartons, cribs that are quickly outgrown.. and no hardship for that, they’re not NEEDED.

[quote LonelyInAutumn]@Comefromaway well yes my outgoings would be less since I'm at home and not in accommodation. Accommodation is usually more expensive due to location (being in the town centre).

My point was, if, as someone suggested, that the daughter pay £400 out of the £570 they have per month, then it may not work out. Also the fact that they'd be paying £400 in house keeping as well as having a child is a lot. I mentioned that my outgoings come to £400 because I have no children, it doesn't seem sustainable for this girl who also has a child to look after.

If I'm honest, I'm confused about the point you are trying to make, could you explain please?[/quote]
The point I am making is that your £400 per month outgoings includes a lot of things that other students would be paying for on top of thier rent.

The OP's daughter will have all her rent, bills and food included. She won't have the travel to work/uni costs that you incur. She will literally have £170 per month to spend on herself and the baby. (£40 per week). She won't have luxuries, but neither does her mother, but it will buy nappies, formula and essentials.

[quote solbunny]@Cocomarine so because she got pregnant at 17, she should have such luxuries as RTF and a next to me crib? I guess we just have very, very different worldviews[/quote]
No one is entitled to those things, they have to AFFORD them.

I’m shocked at some of these. 400 of her 570 really? And she’s to feed and clothe a baby, buy nappies? So basically telling the op to profit out of her? 😱

@Cocomarine

Except that I’m not shaming anyone, and I’m not shaming a 17yo.

For the third time @solbunny - why do you keep selectively leaving out my words regarding a 17yo who is not earning and whose parent cannot afford to support them?

I struggle to see an occasion when this woman is going to need RTF.
(nuclear war notwithstanding 🤣)

Do you really think she lives rurally with all the power cuts you have? And if she does, that frequently, a small gas camping stove will work out cheaper for her 🤷🏻‍♀️

You may have been just thinking over your month of unexpected expenses, but the point is your living in a different financial world. Sleeping bags not blankets. Next to me cribs instead of the full size cot. New clothes instead of just buying bigger to start with (you might have been caught out by the growth spurt timing, but all babies grow).

I’m not suggesting this baby should have nothing as some kind of Victorian workhouse punishment for the mother being 17. But if you choose to have a baby, and your mum needs board money to support you, then you don’t get sleeping bags for every size, RTF cartons, cribs that are quickly outgrown.. and no hardship for that, they’re not NEEDED.

@Cocomarine you keep talking about what this girl needs - I am not making a list of things I think she needs. I made a list of what I have spent in the hope it might be vaguely useful to OP!

You're the one who decided to analyse whether these things were strictly absolutely necessary, and make moralising comments about her daughter "deciding" to get pregnant at seventeen.

You don't know the first thing about my "world" 🤣 Again, some are more comfortable with sleeping bags than blankets for safety reasons. Sleeping bags are £6 at Aldi, but pennies to pounds second hand. Next to mes are so useful for some women with c sections - no, not necessary but I'm sure OP won't begrudge one for her daughter - I've just gone onto fb marketplace and there are some in my locality on there for £10. Cheapest cot is on there for £50, so if cash flow is a problem then a next to me may be viable in the short term. And I know you think I am oh so stupid for not knowing that babies grow - when I was pregnant I didn't know that my baby would have outgrown all the 0-3 and 3-6 clothes and some of the 6-9 we'd bought by the age of three months old. And the reason we bought them in advance is that there was a jumble at my village hall and someone was offloading them all at 10p a pop. I really didn't think it was so frivolous to buy a bag of baby clothes in size 0-3 and 3-6. Hope this is ok!

And ffs give over with the camping stove comment 🤣

The OP is not profiting by putting a warm roof over her head and feeding her.

I think some people on here have no idea what its like to live on a very low income and the difference between a necessity and a luxury.

@Pizzadreams

I’m shocked at some of these. 400 of her 570 really? And she’s to feed and clothe a baby, buy nappies? So basically telling the op to profit out of her? 😱

As @LittleOwl153 said household costs: £1535 a month in rent, council tax, utilities and food OP earns £1040 proposing DD contributes £200 Where do you think the other £195 should come from?

Op hasn't clarified what she'd cover re food but at 6 months the baby will be drinking less and less formula and will be only cows milk in 6 months.
DD needs to shop second hand and then sell on what she can when she's finished with it.
You can only spend what exists unless you expect OP to live on credit card debt for years to facilitate DD.

Without question tho, both Dad's appear to be failing DD

Where is the Dad and is he contributing?

How long is she going to be living with you?
Is she on maternity leave?

@solbunny nowhere did I say that this women “decided” to get pregnant.
Will you just stop with your nonsense?

I said that she made an adult decision to have a baby. Which she did.

If all those things you’re listing are so cheap , why make a big deal about how much money the woman needs? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t know why you’re insistent that I’m taking a moral position rather than a financial one!

If you look at my original post, I shared my opinion that this woman should only be contributing what she is costing. So certainly less than some of the suggestions here. It’s entirely a practical position, not a moral. But when it comes to contributing to the household costs, her share of the heating has to come higher than a carton of the most expensive way to buy formula!

@Comefromaway The OP is not profiting by putting a warm roof over her head and feeding her. at £400 a month she would be.

@LittleOwl153 If the household costs £1535 a month in rent, council tax, utilities and food. The OP earns £1040, you are proposing DD contributes £200... where do you think the other £195 should come from?
The £1535 without her dd living there would not be £400 less though. It’s not her ds’s responsibility to make up for the op’s low earnings. It’s the op’s responsibility to work more to make the £195 age has no childcare responsibilities.

*she not age

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@Comefromaway* The OP is not profiting by putting a warm roof over her head and feeding her.* at £400 a month she would be.[/quote]
household costs: £1535 a month in rent, council tax, utilities and food
OP earns £1040
proposing DD contributes £400

Total: £1440. £95 short.

Where's the profit?

@SleepingStandingUp the profit is actual additional costs of the dd living there and having food provided - circa £200. Any extra is profit. Even though the op has a shortfall if she charges her dd £400 she is £200 a month better off then if her dd moved out.

The OP was only planning on charging her dd £200 though wasn't she. a share of the total household cost of £400 per month.

@Comefromaway but posters are egging her on to charge £400. Non of my comments are aimed at the op at all.

My own personal suggestion was based on my knowledge of what the extra costs of keeping a teen that age are and it was £50-£80 per week which equates to approx £200-£250 per month.

@Comefromaway yes I agree with your suggestion.