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Original poster

How much should DD contribute?

118 replies

notonmywatch71 · 27/02/2022 16:44

My DD had a baby 6 months ago and has settled into a routine and sorted her finances out . She gets £570 in UC and CHB. What would be a reasonable amount to charge for a contribution to the household? I'm not including rent or council tax
As a single parent myself I am currently working 30hrs a week and earn £240 per week.I can't really afford to pay for her and my DGC. TIA.

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 27/02/2022 23:39

So you've lost maintenance for her from her dad... that's harsh on his behalf. I assume because you can no longer claim chb? Is he not helping her?

In terms of UC ~£285/m and chb £21/wk losses that's close to £400 a month you've lost.
She will now get that ontop of her own ~ £257 UC allowance. As well as anything she can claim from the father (I'm guessing not much as he's still at school perhaps?)

I don't think £400 is that unreasonable on that basis as you have to live too. And she has to learn to stand on her own feet. I'm assuming you might have her with you for some time so you need to make it manageable for all!

sofakingcool · 27/02/2022 23:54

Why isn't her Dad paying maintenance? Is that usual if an under 18 gets pregnant?

Seems a bit rubbish to me

ExcuseeeeMe · 28/02/2022 00:58

What is the babies father contributing ? I would say £200 seems fair l

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2022 01:02

Well her Dad's lovely and supportive eh 😒😒

What is (increase in CT) + (loss or maintenance) + (loss of CB)?

Lou98 · 28/02/2022 01:07

I would say £200 to contribute towards utilities etc and then she also buys her food and anything baby needs such as nappies, formula (if FF feeding), wipes, clothes as she grows etc

OnaBegonia · 28/02/2022 01:08

How odd these replies, any thread of suggesting charging a live at home earning child is usually met with the DM being called grabby, yet a teenager with a new baby is to be left with £40pw
🙄

LauraLoo91 · 28/02/2022 01:18

@Bossyboo

I think what your proposing - £400 is fair and right. Your daughter will still have £170 for herself. As young as she may be it's not doable (or fair) in this situation for you to be paying it all and struggling yourself. Smile I say this as a struggling mum and I know how mush we always want to make everything easy and right for our kids!!
This suggestion leaves the 17 year old with £170 for the rest of the month. She needs to provide for a baby with this. How would this be reasonable?
Bromse · 28/02/2022 01:25

I'd say £100 a month. That will certainly make a lot of difference and leave her with enough to care for herself and her child while living with you.

Chloemol · 28/02/2022 01:32

@Bossyboo

I think what your proposing - £400 is fair and right. Your daughter will still have £170 for herself. As young as she may be it's not doable (or fair) in this situation for you to be paying it all and struggling yourself. Smile I say this as a struggling mum and I know how mush we always want to make everything easy and right for our kids!!
You are joking you expect her to lay £400 a month and use the rest to support her and the baby, you know nappies, clothes etc etc you are having a laugh

I do think if the total bills come to £400 (which is a more reasonable sum for two adults) then yes£200 including her food and the rest she can then spend on the baby

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2022 07:52

@OnaBegonia

How odd these replies, any thread of suggesting charging a live at home earning child is usually met with the DM being called grabby, yet a teenager with a new baby is to be left with £40pw 🙄
Ah but you're missing the point. She needs to be taught responsibility, encouraged to move out on her own and to not have any more kids for twenty years. You can't be nice to her, she'll just expect her Mom to provide for her and the endless stream of future kids. Or soemthing like that.
OnaBegonia · 28/02/2022 08:21

@SleepingStandingUp
Seriously? she's had a baby at 17, so you've assumed that'll lead to a stream of kids that she'll expect her DM to support?
What a horrible judgemental attitude.

xxxsuper · 28/02/2022 08:30

I think what your proposing - £400 is fair and right. Your daughter will still have £170 for herself.

Eh? You posted that almost as if you believe £170 is enough money for a young mum to support their baby with Confused

3luckystars · 28/02/2022 08:34

I think £120 and that leaves her with £350 per month which is still very little to manage on, with a small baby. Any more than that would be fleecing her, she is only 17. All the best.

ChateauMargaux · 28/02/2022 08:43

Go through your costs and your income as a household and work out what needs to be paid to whom and when.

Income:
Mum's wages
Daughter's UC and CBA

Costs:
Rent
Bills
Food
Clothes
Savings

If the costs are greater than the income, then between you, you have to come up with a plan. There are many on line resources that will help you do this, or you could ask for help to work this out.

You are not asking for her to cover your costs but you are asking her to spend the money she receives to cover her costs.

If you cannot afford your rent on your own without maintenance and child benefit, what was your plan in 2 years time when she left full time education? What can you do now that the situation has changed? You could find a cheaper place or you could ask her to contribute.

Good luck. It is not easy to be in this situation.

Amei · 28/02/2022 08:45

I personally think £400 a month is too high, if she receives £570 a month + £80 CB she will be left with £250, if she's formula feeding that will take her down to approx £190, minus nappies, £170, minus a phone bill, say £140, that only leaves £35 a week for her to buy baby clothes, any essentials for herself ect.

But it depends how much spare you have at the end of the month, if you charge her £400 and only have a few spare pound at the end of the month then I guess it's fair. But if you charge her £400 and are making a profit from it I would say that's slightly unfair.

Will she be getting a part time job when the baby is a little older? Could she contribute more in a few months? Xx

TabithaTittlemouse · 28/02/2022 08:52

How much has the change affected you financially? Maintenance, chb, uc, change of job.

xxxsuper · 28/02/2022 08:57

I personally think £400 a month is too high, if she receives £570 a month + £80 CB

I took the £570 to include the CB - looking back it could be either or though

Supersimkin2 · 28/02/2022 09:03

If you charge DD half all the bills, she’s the boss of the home as much as you are. Still keen?

Pursue both the fathers for payment before taking the baby’s CB.

The4teddybears · 28/02/2022 09:03

Are you claiming help towards the rent. If so that will have reduced . Non dependent deduction. She should cover that .

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2022 09:19

No, my sarcasm obv didn't transcend well. Lots of posts in here but also in similar threads where if a kid has got pregnant it's all about teaching them a lesson, about time they learnt to be grown ups, do they expect to live off you forever etc. Whereas as pp pointed out normally its heresy to charge a "child" rent even if they're 25and out earn you.

First page she should be expected to also add to a savings account every month. She needs a very hard dose of reality. She's a mother now, and life is expensive. Still treating her like a child will do her no favours as if six months of a new baby isn't reality enough, make sure she's paying enough to have no spare cash

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2022 09:19

Sorry that was to @OnaBegonia

OnaBegonia · 28/02/2022 09:47

I'm glad it was an attempt at sarcasm 🤣
Yes, even if mummy's precious is at home earning £40k you can't possibly expect the wee lamb to contribute cos 'he's saving for a house' but a young mum has to live on £30pw

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2022 10:04

Ouch at the "attempt", I'm a sleep deprived mother and no one pays me rent 😂

Honestly @notonmywatch71I also think you need to talk to HER dad. She's still a child. Point out if you can't afford to keep her at yours she'll be turning up at his with a pram and a suitcase. It isn't fair for him to absolve himself of responsibility.

How old is the Dad? Does DD want to finish school?

solbunny · 28/02/2022 10:19

Suggestions of £400 seem somewhat insane to me - £170 a month to provide for a baby? I have a three month old baby and I'm try to be as frugal as possible. Sadly breastfeeding hasn't worked out so baby is mostly formula fed which for my fairly hungry combi-fed baby takes £70 a month at least. That's if I just buy powder, if I wanted to get some RTF to make going out easier it's even more expensive. Then thinking about what baby related things I've had to buy in the last month;

-new steriliser as previous second hand one I had packed in
-cot as baby has unexpectedly outgrown next to me crib
-new baby sleeping bags
-new baby clothes - mostly second hand
-baby shampoo and nappy creams
-second hand bouncer on fb to occupy baby so I can actually make myself a cup of tea from time to time
-new faster flow teats for bottles

God forbid I want to buy myself toiletries like shampoo or something to wash my face with as well.

No chance I could survive on £100 a month!

Cocomarine · 28/02/2022 10:56

Tbf @solbunny if you’re on a tight budget then RTF formula isn’t an option (which is fine, it didn’t exist a few years back and everyone coped!) and you certainly don’t waste money on “next to me” cribs (no baby “unexpectedly” outgrows those!) and you don’t buy small sleeping bags. You use blankets, or a larger size sleeping bag and sew it to size if needed for safety, and later unpick.

If you choose to have a baby at 17, when you don’t earn and you’re living with a parent who can’t afford to keep you without contribution - then even talking about things like RTF is totally irrelevant.