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Original poster

How much should DD contribute?

118 replies

notonmywatch71 · 27/02/2022 16:44

My DD had a baby 6 months ago and has settled into a routine and sorted her finances out . She gets £570 in UC and CHB. What would be a reasonable amount to charge for a contribution to the household? I'm not including rent or council tax
As a single parent myself I am currently working 30hrs a week and earn £240 per week.I can't really afford to pay for her and my DGC. TIA.

OP posts:
solbunny · 28/02/2022 11:38

@Cocomarine so because she got pregnant at 17, she should have such luxuries as RTF and a next to me crib? I guess we just have very, very different worldviews

solbunny · 28/02/2022 11:38

She *shouldn't that should say, obviously

emmsyg · 28/02/2022 11:40

£400 does seem like a lot, but I think the advice of sitting down together and working out your joint finances is a good one. Have a proper discussion about what your outgoings are, how to budget now that you have a child in the house, and what you can both afford to contribute (and agree, both her own and the baby's father should be providing some help). It will be of future benefit to help her to organise her finances and to be realistic with her about the costs of running a house. It includes her in the decision and gives her the chance to factor her current outgoings into the discussion.

Also, charity shops and vinted are great for clothes etc (most of my baby's clothes are preloved). Good luck and I hope the new baby is doing well, it's such a time of upheaval and I hope you can manage to support each other as a team.

solbunny · 28/02/2022 11:40

And yes my baby very much did outgrow his next to me after a massive growth spurt. By unexpected I meant that I hadn't budgeted for it the month before. But I forget that some stranger on mumsnet must know my baby better than me!

mrsm43s · 28/02/2022 11:46

Surely the amount she will have been awarded is the minimum she needs to survive on and will have been calculated on no rent being paid (as she'd get money for rent covered in UC if it was taken into account). It should cover a contribution to utility costs (but not CT as she is exempt from that). So I would think approx £100/m?

gogohm · 28/02/2022 11:55

@solbunny

If you are low income why not just use a cot (lasts birth to 3 years) and blankets. My kids had blankets because nobody had invented a way to extract more money out of parents!

You can sterilise in a pan of hot water.

Ready to use formula is very expensive.

As far as op is concerned it seems fair to me as long as the £400 includes nappies, basic toiletries like shampoo for your dd and basic baby toiletries (one bottle lasts many months)

Comefromaway · 28/02/2022 11:59

@mrsm43s

Surely the amount she will have been awarded is the minimum she needs to survive on and will have been calculated on no rent being paid (as she'd get money for rent covered in UC if it was taken into account). It should cover a contribution to utility costs (but not CT as she is exempt from that). So I would think approx £100/m?
It will have been calculated as no rent being paid but would assume that she would need to feed herself and contribute to household bills.

I'd be charging in the region of £50-£80 per week to cover her costs in these areas.

Akire · 28/02/2022 12:00

Where can an adult with own income which is what she is pay for all household bills for £25 a week? She be spending that just on heating being at home all day with the way prices are. Bet OP love have £100 in her pocket after paying her share of the bills I doubt she has that left a month.

solbunny · 28/02/2022 12:04

[quote gogohm]@solbunny

If you are low income why not just use a cot (lasts birth to 3 years) and blankets. My kids had blankets because nobody had invented a way to extract more money out of parents!

You can sterilise in a pan of hot water.

Ready to use formula is very expensive.

As far as op is concerned it seems fair to me as long as the £400 includes nappies, basic toiletries like shampoo for your dd and basic baby toiletries (one bottle lasts many months)[/quote]
I guess, when hearing of a pregnant seventeen year old, my gut reaction is not "she should live on the breadline as punishment for her sins"

Cocomarine · 28/02/2022 12:04

[quote solbunny]@Cocomarine so because she got pregnant at 17, she should have such luxuries as RTF and a next to me crib? I guess we just have very, very different worldviews[/quote]
Selectively quoting words only makes you look foolish @solbunny

17, not earning, living with a parent who can’t afford to support you.

The age of 17 is the least relevant part of that picture, though it does make the other 2 parts more likely.

So no - my words view is not that every new mother has the right to luxury items. Far from it.

LittleOwl153 · 28/02/2022 12:04

I think some of you need to be aware of what OP can actually afford to do here - given that she has lost all her UC/CHB AND maintenance from the girls father.

OP earns £1040 a month.

She's suggested £400 a month is half? gas/elec/bb and food. So £800 total. On top of that she's saying she's charging no rent or council tax. Rightmove suggests a 2 bed in my nearest City would average Rent of £650? Council tax on a band A £85 (assuming OP can still claim 25% discount - so will be £112 if not)

So £1535 - just to stand still. OP earns £1040. So there is £400 to find! Where do those of you who suggest DD should not contribute or should only contribute £100/200 think the other £200 should come from?

DD should get headstart vouchers for milk or to contribute to food costs... £170 a month after all bills and food paid? Life is tough with a baby... and life is very tough if you are living at the bottom of the income tree! Maybe the baby's father should contribute or the DDs father? But mum can't pay what mum just doesnt have!

Cocomarine · 28/02/2022 12:05

@solbunny there’s a whole lot of difference between living on the breadline and buying RTF formula 🤷🏻‍♀️

solbunny · 28/02/2022 12:06

And the reason I got a next to me style crib was because I was actually expected to need a c section. How very frivolous of me to spend seventy pounds to try and minimise my recovery pain!

Comefromaway · 28/02/2022 12:07

I guess, when hearing of a pregnant seventeen year old, my gut reaction is not "she should live on the breadline as punishment for her sins"

No, just that she needs to cut her cloth according to her means, like many of us did when we had our babies and couldn't afford the fancy niceties that seem to have become "essentials" these days.

solbunny · 28/02/2022 12:10

[quote Cocomarine]@solbunny there’s a whole lot of difference between living on the breadline and buying RTF formula 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Christ almighty I didn't say she should feed her baby solely rtf and sod her mum's finances. I brought it up because there can be occasions where it's far, far more practical/necessary. For example, I live rurally and long powercuts are reasonably common, which means I need RTF in the cupboard in case of emergencies. I'm sure there's lots of other occasions it would be necessary too.

Comefromaway · 28/02/2022 12:10

What even is a next to me crib? Like a Moses basket? I got one of those 2nd hand for £20.

KnobJockey · 28/02/2022 12:12

I think you should treat her as you would another adult- sit down, get all the household bills out, and either split them 50/50 or in proportion to income. Be honest about your income and bills, and get her involved in paying them too. She's in an adult situation, it will do neither of you good to baby her through the situation. And I say that as a previous 18 year old single mum who had to go through it myself.

Cocomarine · 28/02/2022 12:14

@solbunny

And the reason I got a next to me style crib was because I was actually expected to need a c section. How very frivolous of me to spend seventy pounds to try and minimise my recovery pain!
You’re just making yourself look silly now. Who told you that you couldn’t spend what you could afford on that crib? No-one. But it’s ridiculous to list it as an example of how costs add up, because it’s not a necessary cost.
Comefromaway · 28/02/2022 12:18

I'm all for anyone buying anything THEY CAN AFFORD in order to make their lives easier. But when you can't afford something then you just have to do without.

solbunny · 28/02/2022 12:19

@Cocomarine I think you're possibly reading something into my original comment that I did not intend. I wasn't making a list of necessary costs. I was having a think of what I've spent on my baby in the last month and realising how little £100 would go. The fact my baby had a huge growth spurt and outgrew all his clothes and his crib is an example of how unexpected babies and their needs can be.

I just think it's miserable that you actually suggested that making unsafe DIY alterations to a sleep product is what OP's daughter should do rather than be able to buy sleeping bags that actually fit her baby (which many people and some orgs feel more comfortable with at night than blankets) because she "decided to have a baby at seventeen" Blush

Comefromaway · 28/02/2022 12:22

Was the dd eligible for the Sue Start maternity grant?

Cocomarine · 28/02/2022 12:22

@solbunny you are scraping the barrel too thin here! Long power cuts in your rural area?

If there were so many other reasons too, how did we manage without it before compared found a way up sell us? 🤣

Of course new products can be wonderfully useful - and sometimes they become necessary. But with the exception of people who live rurally with frequent and long power cuts (but not so frequent and long that when they have a baby they don’t think to have a gas camping stove for emergency sterilisation 🤣) there really aren’t lots of occasions when someone who can’t afford RTF needs RTF!

LonelyInAutumn · 28/02/2022 12:23

I still live at home with my mom, I don't have any kids and my outgoings are about £400 (rent, travel for uni, phone bill) and it's tricky. I don't think charging a person with a baby £400 (and leaving them with £170 per month to go on the baby and savings) would be sustainable. I think maybe allocate her certain bills e.g she pays for the water/gas/electric.

I think you should create an itemised list of the outgoings and sit down together to see what is realistic for her to pay.

At one point, my mom was trying to charge me £600 a month (since that would be half) leaving me with £100 a month or less depending on work (our relationship was at a bad place at this time so that's why she tried to increase the rent) so I think a calm discussion will help :)

Comefromaway · 28/02/2022 12:24

I saw no unsafe DIY suggestions. A cot and blankets are perfectly safe and how babies have slept for generations.

And a pan of Milton was how I and my mother and my grandmother all sterilised bottles (I'm in my 40's)

Comefromaway · 28/02/2022 12:28

@LonelyInAutumn

I still live at home with my mom, I don't have any kids and my outgoings are about £400 (rent, travel for uni, phone bill) and it's tricky. I don't think charging a person with a baby £400 (and leaving them with £170 per month to go on the baby and savings) would be sustainable. I think maybe allocate her certain bills e.g she pays for the water/gas/electric.

I think you should create an itemised list of the outgoings and sit down together to see what is realistic for her to pay.

At one point, my mom was trying to charge me £600 a month (since that would be half) leaving me with £100 a month or less depending on work (our relationship was at a bad place at this time so that's why she tried to increase the rent) so I think a calm discussion will help :)

With all due respect assuming you are a undergrad student that is a lot less outgoings that most students who don't live at home have even allowing for the different in maintenance loan.

My dd's rent alone is £540 per month, then bills of £50 per month, food, travel to uni etc etc