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Original poster

AIBU- Sister is angry i wont sell my share of the house!

190 replies

CollegeDoctor · 20/10/2021 00:43

DH and I are in great need of the hive mind. So last year due to issues with our father, we , my mother and brother and I. Purchased a home for my mother to live in. We asked dear sister to contribute, however she had'nt got the money at the time so could'nt. SO fast forward a year and a pandemic and the property value has increased by £40,000. Dsister came back and asked if she could purchase the house from us, i stupidly said yes and that she could do it at the price we bought at. (i really didnt think she would get all her ducks in a row)

Fast forward 2 months and she has and now wants to proceed to conveyancing. I know i was wrong to lead her on and promise, but i don't want to sell as the property is certain to continuing appreciating. What should i do ? What would you do?
Dsister is very angry that i have wasted her time.

OP posts:
NataliaSerene · 20/10/2021 03:26

It is suspicious to me that she wants to buy you out now that the market is up. Where did she suddenly come up with the money and why does she want in on this now? I would be worried she planned to sell and turn a big profit while your Mom was left without a place to live.

I’d tell her you are going to keep things as they are for your mom’s well-being.

Original poster
CollegeDoctor · 20/10/2021 03:29

i don't think she would turf her out, she and her DH have raised the funds. We have 2 properties already and this is the 3rd, so it would be her 1st.

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 20/10/2021 03:30

You wanted to look like the good sister without actually being the good sister.

If her reason for wanting to buy a share is simply for the investment I think you just have to own your normality. Tell her you’ve reconsidered because you’ve realised it’s a good investment and, like anyone else, you don’t actually want to give up £40k of value to her. Offer to reimburse any costs or losses she’s incurred so far for taking you at your word but tell her she’ll need to look elsewhere for an investment of her own.

If her reason for wanting to buy is not about the investment you might need to rethink whether you should sell to her or not. It’s difficult to say without knowing more about her reasons.

In any case it sounds like you look down on her a bit and if you’re at the stage in life where you’re both able to buy property you should probably be thinking hard about why looking like the good sister when you actually weren’t the good sister was important to you. I suspect there are some ongoing dynamics there that add to her anger with you. (And probably aren’t all your fault, but would still be best to understand and move past).

SleepingStandingUp · 20/10/2021 03:32

But why isn't she investing the money into a house she can live in? Is it mortgage free so she's raised £50-£100k or has she raised a third of the deposit so £15-30k?

madisonbridges · 20/10/2021 03:34

So basically because you thought she couldn't come up with the money, you thought you'd take advantage of her situation so you could look like the beneficent sister and you'd reap the rewards of looking kind after she'd failed. Did you even have the authority to agree to the deal? I think you agree that your behaviour has been shoddy to say the least. (And for people to say that you should blame it on baby brain...that's, honestly, just completely shitty.) You sister will have run up costs because of what you've done and also she might have been able to offer on other places at a lower price. If you decline her offer, then the minimum you can do is pay for all her costs and a bit extra to help her on her further search. That's awful for family to behave like that.

NataliaSerene · 20/10/2021 03:38

So this is an investment property?

madisonbridges · 20/10/2021 03:40

@CollegeDoctor

i don't think she would turf her out, she and her DH have raised the funds. We have 2 properties already and this is the 3rd, so it would be her 1st.
What? Wait. She didn't have funds to help her mother buy the house. Now she has funds and wants to buy the house and there's a possibility she might kick your mother out? You only 'think' she might not. And you still offered to sell her the house? What sort of family behaves like this?
user1471439310 · 20/10/2021 03:45

That is a shitty thing to do.

Original poster
CollegeDoctor · 20/10/2021 03:48

@madisonbridges stop being an alarmist.

OP posts:
DriftingBlue · 20/10/2021 03:55

Your mother and brother have no protection in this scheme. Selling the house to your sister makes the situation even more precarious. Rather than worry about disappointing her, I would worry about your mother and brother losing their investment. Protecting that needs to be your priority.

madisonbridges · 20/10/2021 03:55

You thought it was ok to send your sister on a wild goose chase because it made you look good. And you thought it was OK to sell your share of the house to your sister unsure of whether she'd turf your mother out or not. And you think I'm being unreasonable?

bogeythefungusman · 20/10/2021 03:55

Why, if the property was purchased by you, your mother and your brother, is it only in you and your Dh's names? What are the legal ramifications? Is your sister wanting to buy the whole property or only your third share? If she bought your third share would the house be in her name only or in the names of your mother, brother and sister? How would that work for stamp duty etc? If she is buying the whole house do you split the purchase price between you, your mother and brother?

Tbh it all sounds a bit odd - I could perhaps understand your mother's name not being on the deeds if she and your father have split up and she doesn't want the house used as a marital asset but why is the house only in yours and Dh's names? Maybe your Dsis is resentful of this or feels it's a bit dodgy.

Werehamster · 20/10/2021 03:59

It does all sound very murky regards to the house being in your name but your siblings having a share.

All you can do is say you are sorry but you have thought further on the situation and decided that you don't want to sell your share. I guess your sister will be upset, but what else can you do? You'd be mad to sell it to her.

LetHimHaveIt · 20/10/2021 04:05

In what way is @madisonbridges being 'an alarmist'? I think she's got the measure of you, frankly. Although the whole thing sounds whack, with the mother who urgently needed protection a year ago, now vulnerable because you're 'sure' they won't try and turn her out. You were 'sure' your sister couldn't raise the cash, too 🙄

CJsGoldfish · 20/10/2021 04:20

I hope I've got this straight.
So she didn't have the funds originally so she was unable to help? I can understand that if she does not have her own home and wasn't in a position to do so. You, however, are now on to your 3rd house?
Now she wants to buy in and you said she could? This would be her first home (or part of) and probably a good first step for her. I can see why she would now ask.
You would rather make money on the house than sell your share to your sister?
WWID? I would help out my sister. No question.

itsgettingwierd · 20/10/2021 04:23

@madisonbridges

You thought it was ok to send your sister on a wild goose chase because it made you look good. And you thought it was OK to sell your share of the house to your sister unsure of whether she'd turf your mother out or not. And you think I'm being unreasonable?
This actually spot on
3luckystars · 20/10/2021 04:31

Why would you do this? It is benefiting nobody but your sister?
Would you sell her your other properties at the price you bought them for?
I would offer her a share, at the very most. Good luck.

Itsallok · 20/10/2021 04:44

Dodgy if the house is only in our and your DH names but your DB and Mother also contributed. I hope your DH and DM have something in writing or they have no protection

DifficultBloodyWoman · 20/10/2021 04:58

Yeah, you made a mistake. I can understand sister being pissed off but nobody is perfect.

I would say to her that in light of a recent valuation, the property is now worth X. You will sell at X. You are sorry but you can’t afford to sell at Y. Selling at Y would cost you £40,000. As much as you love your sister, you can’t afford to give her £40,000, £20,000 of which actually belongs to your husband.

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 20/10/2021 05:18

OP, you can withdraw from a sale until contracts are signed, I'm pretty sure. 'We've changed our minds, we don't want to sell,' is enough reason.

BritInUS1 · 20/10/2021 05:40

There are so many things to consider here, including

  1. What about Capital Gains Tax? You can't just sell at below market value - there are rules about this
  2. Legal Fees - who will be paying them?
  3. Stamp Duty - will your sister need to pay some, were you charged extra because you have more than one property?

You need to take proper advice on this before you do anything

RantyAunty · 20/10/2021 06:07

A promise is a promise.

You and your DH seem a bit grabby and shady.

Interesting this house happened to end up in only you and your DH names.

Rainbowheart1 · 20/10/2021 06:12

Why is it also not in mother and brothers name?

You sound untrustworthy.

DeeCeeCherry · 20/10/2021 06:14

madisonbridges
So basically because you thought she couldn't come up with the money, you thought you'd take advantage of her situation so you could look like the beneficent sister and you'd reap the rewards of looking kind after she'd failed. Did you even have the authority to* agree to the deal? I think you agree that your behaviour has been shoddy to say the least. (And for people to say that you should blame it on baby brain...that's, honestly, just completely shitty.) You sister will have run up costs because of what you've done and also she might have been able to offer on other places at a lower price. If you decline her offer, then the minimum you can do is pay for all her costs and a bit extra to help her on her further search. That's awful for family to behave like that.*

This.

overnightangel · 20/10/2021 06:14

@ThatsWhatI

Does she always take advantage of you like this?

No one with any sense would expect it to be ok to pay you the initial cost when it's now made a profit.

That's just insane

Eh? She offered thinking her sister wouldn’t be organised enough to get the money together, she was taking the piss and it’s come back to bite her
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