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Original poster

Child maintenance

93 replies

OneForTheRoadThen · 15/04/2021 07:07

Hi, my partner and I are in the process of separating. He is not going to be paying any maintenance as he can't afford it and I will be claiming UC for both children as well as working part time.

We've discussed residence and provisionally agreed he will have both children for 2 nights a week and then 1 child for a further night and the other child for another night so basically 1child on Tuesday, 2 children in Weds and Sat and one child on Thursday. He is now saying I owe him maintenance for those days he has them. Is that correct?

OP posts:
wendz86 · 15/04/2021 07:26

I thought if one person has them more than 50% then the other parent pays maintenance although it would be reduced if they are having them enough night. So essentially he is having each child 3 nights which is less than 50%.
Try using the calculator on government site . I just did a random one with each kid staying 3 nights and it would definitely be you receiving not him.

Original poster
OneForTheRoadThen · 15/04/2021 07:44

Thanks yes I did that and it suggested he owed me maintenance which I knew about but then he said that he calculated it and I owed him for the nights the children were there as he's not claiming any benefits for them.I'm going to investigate further.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 15/04/2021 07:50

He owes you maintenance. Go through the CMS. Tell him you'll go down the official route and they'll decide who owes who.

JSL52 · 15/04/2021 07:52

Do it through CMS. He's saying he can't afford it, he'll have to afford it , how does he think you'll be able to? What an idiot.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 15/04/2021 07:53

He doesn’t get to decide if he can afford maintenance or not. Go through official channels and it’ll be worked out on all the info you input. Don’t start cobbling together something between you.

UhtredRagnarson · 15/04/2021 07:54

He’s talking through his arse.

You are the resident parent. If he is working he pays maintenance. Don’t discuss it with him just put a claim into the CMS.

Also why is he separating the DC for contact on two days?

JackieWeaverFever · 15/04/2021 07:54

Claim maintenance through CMS for your children and don't give him a penny. This guy sounds useless.

Bagelsandbrie · 15/04/2021 07:57

From experience- please, please go through CMS. Don’t leave it now or you could end up where I am 17 years later with an ex who has never paid the correct amount of child maintenance and now it would be ridiculously awkward to start it now (or when dd was younger - we split up when she was 6 months old).

MaryQuietContrary · 15/04/2021 07:59

You can't split benefits. He has the kids 2/7 nights but it doesn't mean he gets 2/7 of the benefits. If you were 50/50 with him and had 2 kids then a way around this would be each parent claiming for one child but that's not the case here.
He's a massive cf saying that he can't afford benefits. Why is he having different kids on different nights? Is that in the kids interests?

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 15/04/2021 08:04

What's his work situation OP?

Tough shit if he says he can't afford maintenance, it's not optional.

Bagelsandbrie · 15/04/2021 08:05

@Ffsffsffsffsffs

What's his work situation OP?

Tough shit if he says he can't afford maintenance, it's not optional.

Exactly this.

Even if he’s on benefits he will need to pay something.

Would you turn around and say you can’t afford for your children to eat this week? Because that’s basically what he’s saying.

saffire · 15/04/2021 08:22

You don't claim UC for the children it's for you. So you don't pay anything to him.
Go through CMS and they will take the money directly from him.

Original poster
OneForTheRoadThen · 15/04/2021 08:32

Thanks for your responses. To answer some questions and give more info we have 2 children aged 3 and 5. I work part time (24 hours) and he works full time compressed hours so 4 days a week.

I'm starting a course on Monday that will finish when my youngest starts school and should enable me to get a decent paying job but in the meantime I will claim benefits for both children.

He will rent a flat nearby but we are in London zone 5 so after his bills he won't be left with much, less than the maintenance would be whereas I would have a little more than him income wise as my rent is lower plus benefit top ups. I thought it fair therefore that he didn't pay maintenance unless his circumstances changed. I did suggest moving further out but he doesn't drive or moving in with a friend but he doesn't want to.

I wouldn't be able to cover our living expenses if we had 50/50 and he claimed for one child. I suggested we each have one child for one night each as we'd be able to enjoy time with them and also I'd miss them terribly if I couldn't see them for 3 nights a week.

I'll be taking on all childcare payments and the cost of their activities and clothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneForTheRoadThen · 15/04/2021 08:37

Forgot to add he also would be looking after the youngest on his day off during the week

OP posts:
Ffsffsffsffsffs · 15/04/2021 08:39

I thought it fair therefore that he didn't pay maintenance unless his circumstances changed. I did suggest moving further out but he doesn't drive or moving in with a friend but he doesn't want to.

No. What's fair is that he pays to support his kids. He doesn't get to choose to rent out a flat in an expensive area instead of moving in with a friend rather than supporting his kids.

OP I bet you'd prefer to be living in a mansion with a butler - but you wouldn't be able to feed the kids either.

MAINTENANCE IS NOT AN OPTION. You are literally enabling your ex to prioritise his own wishes over your children's NEEDS.

PotteringAlong · 15/04/2021 08:40

but in the meantime I will claim benefits for both children.

You don’t claim benefits for the children. You claim them for you.

Original poster
OneForTheRoadThen · 15/04/2021 08:40

@Ffsffsffsffsffs even though I'd be better off than him?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneForTheRoadThen · 15/04/2021 08:41

I'd like him to be able to look after the kids when they are there and to be able to afford the odd day out etc.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 15/04/2021 08:42

You need to go through the CMS OP. You really do. He's shafting you.

RandomMess · 15/04/2021 08:45

He can't afford where he is living that is his problem. It does absolve him of legal obligation to pay child maintenance.

Original poster
OneForTheRoadThen · 15/04/2021 08:48

@NerrSnerr I'm going to phone CAB today and try and get some advice. I'm a bit clueless about all of this but at the same time I don't want to lose out because I'm naive or a soft touch.

His reasoning is that I will be better off than him as things stand. I feel like I need to agree to this or he will claim for one child and push for 50/50 residence. I'd really like to avoid this as it would break my heart not to be with the children.

OP posts:
Ffsffsffsffsffs · 15/04/2021 08:48

[quote OneForTheRoadThen]@Ffsffsffsffsffs even though I'd be better off than him?[/quote]
You have the majority of the care - and the expenses - on paper you may be slightly better off, but your expenses will be higher.

I'd wager my salary that he'll use the fact you're claiming uc and cb to get out of buying anything for them - you'll be packing bags for them to take to his every time, he won't be buying any shoes, trainers, uniform, coats, trips, extra curricular club payments or anything. Every single penny he earns will be spent on his WANTS plus the odd meal for the dc, rather than their NEEDS.

Have you worked out what you could claim on entitledto.com? What's his income?

moochingtothepub · 15/04/2021 08:49

Unless it's 50/50 (and that includes costs as well as contact) the parent having them less owes the other maintenance. Even if he's not working he's expected to make a small payment. I would seek proper advice because he sounds he's not going to be fair

RandomMess · 15/04/2021 08:50

Are you renting too?

UhtredRagnarson · 15/04/2021 08:51

I feel like I need to agree to this or he will claim for one child and push for 50/50 residence.

Put your UC claim in now!! Before he does. Hes very clearly only motivated by money. You need to go through official channels to protect yourself OP. He will not play fair.

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