Financial Abuse? Im not sure! Help!

[LittleElf85]

Hi all

I am new here and someone has advised me to come and discuss this here.

I have a mental health issue so I work part time. I struggle to do anymore. My husband works full time.

We have a daughter at home but she is biologically mine not my husbands.

He earns double what I earn but we split everything 50/50, rent, bills etc.

His response to that is, well go to work full time then, its not my fault you work part time. He doesn’t think its fair for him to go to work full time and me part time and share money.

I pay for my daughter. Say we go on holiday then he will pay most of it but I have to contribute say £500.00.

With regards to bills, car etc, we pay half of everything and what he has left is his, and what I have left is mine.

It seems some of our friends have separate finances too but my parents think it’s absolutely crazy.

He said its not his fault he works full time and me part time and to work full time then. That’s his answer.
I have just checked his bank account out of curiosity. I have all the internet bank logins.

I cannot believe what I have seen.

The car is in for repair which is going to take half my savings and my Mum and Dad are funding some of it to help because he said he couldn’t afford it all on his own.

I had 0.40p in my bank account the other day. It was my mums birthday and my mum and dad paid for a meal for us all.

Put it this way. Im on the bones of my bottom and he has plenty.

Who else would want me and take on someone who had a life changing trauma who struggles to function sometimes.

I would learn to want yourself. To love and care for yourself. A man wanting you doesn't validate who you are. The man you are currently with treats you like a piece of shit so patently he doesn't respect you. Get out now.

I posted a while ago regarding my marriage and financial issues.

My husband likes a very clean and tidy house. We are not unclean by any means but he goes over the top.

I had a psychology appointment this morning and when I have them it really takes it out of me. I haven’t slept much last night at all due to a migraine.

Hes off work this week and said we will clean up. I said we will do it tomorrow due to me not feeling great and obviously having this appointment. His response was for f@ks sake, I will do it then! Because he wants it doing when he wants it doing aka NOW!

We got into a big argument, I called him controlling and hoarding money.

I said he’s making my mental illness 100 times worse. Im off work from the NHS due to my illness. I got really angry and said I’m fed up and I stupidly threw an empty washing basket across the room (this isn’t me, I am not that sort of person)

Again regarding the money he told me to “go to f@ckin work then!!

He then said to me, your a f@ckin weirdo you, a f@ckin weirdo! Something I take extremely personally at the moment due to having a mental illness. I don’t know what to do, I need someone to talk to.

Please help 😢

I remember your first post OP. Sorry it has come to this but now is the time that you need to make your decision as to whether you are going to put up with this forever or leave him. He's not going to change. For your daughter's sake, my opinion would be to split but I'm not living your life so it's easy for me to ssy

I suppose I dont even need to ask but I take it is not normal for him to call me a weirdo when suffering from mental illness isn't normal.

And telling me just to get back to work so I can earn money.

I earn hardly anything because of mental health issues. I'm slowly building up what I can do but it's very slow.

When I earn nothing my husband pays for everything. If I earn some money I pay for some things. If I had a set income we'd work on a proportion of income basis. As I manage the money he largely oblivious to any of this.

He is abusing you, both financially and mentally.

I cannot stop crying.

I feel really offended that he called me a weirdo! When I said well your quite happy to sit on a pot of money, his response was get back to work then.

My daughter is 12, she said she’s fed up and that he acts like he is my dad and not my partner.

I have asked him to leave, his response was, you leave and go to your mums, I said I have a child here.....he said and????

He said he is going back to his dads, I said I will require half of the bill money for September since he has lived here and he laughed in my face.

Let him go back to his dad's. He is already financially abusing you so I wouldn't expect anything from him although I'm sure the divorce courts will determine this. There is a calculator on the government website called Entitled to. You may be able to apply for benefits of some kind. Also if he leaves you can get a single person's allowance on your Council Tax. And no it's not normal for him to call you a weirdo. Good luck OP

Hugs

Phone yo universal credit and make a claim as a single parent, phone up council tax and inform them he has moved out and ask them to apply the 25% discount.

You will be ok, you will be happier without him and the nasty comments.

How are you OP, I hope he's left for his dad's! He sounds like an ignorant cock with no respect or regard for you or your daughter.

Is your daughter happy living with a man who swears at her mother?
Break this off for your dd s sake.
She doesnt like him
Why should she live with a stepdad like this?
Talk to your psychologist about this
Talk to a lawyer sbout your rights when you split
Get a divorce

and I stupidly threw an empty washing basket across the room (this isn’t me, I am not that sort of person)

This is volatile situation and you are recognisont it which is good. Well done. But next time you will both throw more dangerous things

You need to split

Your daughter needs a calm and peaceful house for her teenage years
Just you and her