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Original poster

Would you notify husband/wife of big purchase?

98 replies

emz771 · 25/05/2020 15:20

Lots of zoom calls in lockdown and lots of debate with old friends.

Basically would you notify your wife/husband before a significant purchase that was just for you? A significant amount of money will mean different things to different people - but would you notify or do you both know what you can afford and get what you know you can?

OP posts:
Raera · 25/05/2020 15:22

We would tell each other, all accounts are shared. We would not be asking permission, just letting the other know.

Original poster
emz771 · 25/05/2020 15:27

At what level would you let each other know though? Not amount - more what sort of item?

OP posts:
Echobelly · 25/05/2020 15:32

For something over maybe about £200 I might casually mention it, but only because it would be very unusual and worth remarking on rather than I think he would care about it.

Microwaveoven · 25/05/2020 15:33

I discuss most purchases with DH. Food, household cleaning and bits for the kids I just buy without discussion. Anything else gets talked about. I would buy a pair of sunglasses for example and not discuss it with DH I suppose but I wouldn't buy a pair of jeans without speaking to DH.
I have immense guilt of spending money on myself though. DH always just says "go for it"
We have said no a few times to each other over buying something and the other thinking it's a waste of money.
We only have one account and it's joint. DH works I don't.

Ragwort · 25/05/2020 15:33

We have a joint account so we would mention it, but not in an ‘asking permission’ sort of way. My DH bought some expensive fishing gear recently, is that the sort of thing you mean? I wouldn’t be impressed if he bought a massive tv for the sitting room as an example though, we could ‘afford’ it, but I wouldn’t want it dominating our joint space.

I have an (or used to Sad) an annual holiday with a girlfriend, I would just pay for it from our joint account, he has similar trips .... why are you asking?

Echobelly · 25/05/2020 15:33

And for object the only thing it might be is a laptop or maybe an item of clothing for a special occasion. If it was a laptop he'd know anyway as I'd consult with him on which to buy.

MashedPotatoBrainz · 25/05/2020 15:35

The only big purchase i've made when DH hasn't been with me was my glasses and I didn't clear that with him first as I think he'd be more bothered that I felt I needed to ask.

Original poster
emz771 · 25/05/2020 15:36

I’m asking - because it came up on our Saturday zoom call - and there was such a varied response.

OP posts:
OccasionalNachos · 25/05/2020 15:39

Money wise - about £200 would be the type of spending that I would mention.

Product/service wise, it would be whether it affected DP or was something he could use/appreciate. So clothes etc for me, or equipment for a hobby - probably not. Kitchen gadgets, iPad, furniture - probably yes.

Dozer · 25/05/2020 15:39

Surely a big factor is the household’s financial situation?

Eg for people with a small income and needing to budget for essentials the “threshold” for notifying one’s partner / agreeing purchases jointly would be low.

In wealthy households, often the adults can spend a lot without this negatively affecting others.

userabcname · 25/05/2020 15:41

Um, anything over £100 we'd mention it....I guess in terms of objects, we'd make joint decisions over something like cars...if it was a games console for dh or a laptop for me (as in, the other person probably wouldn't use it much if at all) then we'd probably chat about what we liked or may ask for opinions but wouldn't ask for permission as such. So, yes, I suppose we would notify each other of any big purchase even if it was just for one of us to use.

Original poster
emz771 · 25/05/2020 15:41

Agree Dozer which is why I didn’t ask for an amount? For some couples they may have t consult on 50 pound purchases for others 5 thousand purchases.

Significant will mean different things to different people.

OP posts:
TimeWastingButFun · 25/05/2020 15:47

We have a personal account where we transfer £200 a month from our joint account so we can make impulse purchases for ourselves that are budgeted for without constantly consulting the other. Big purchases from the joint a/c we do just let the other know or ask their opinion, depending what it is.

titchy · 25/05/2020 15:51

If it's something for the house, or family then yes. Something for me, not really. But then I work so it would be coming out of my income/overdraft and we both have similar disposable income. As long as we can afford our joint financial responsibilities our own money is ours to spend.

Dozer · 25/05/2020 15:52

So by “significant” you/your friends were basically asking l: (1) what was affordable for each others’ households; or (2) what kinds of goods/services couples chose together.

Original poster
emz771 · 25/05/2020 15:54

No we weren’t really asking what was affordable to each other - as obviously that means different things to all of us.

The point was that would you notify your husband of a significant purchase (whatever significant mean to you) or would you both know what you could afford and buy anyway?

OP posts:
Carrie7469 · 25/05/2020 15:56

Well, we have separate accounts, but I’d tell him. He wouldn’t bat an eyelid unless it was something outrageous

Dozer · 25/05/2020 15:57

Yes, you were asking that. Since for most people, household wealth and affordability are key factors determining what is bought individually or by joint agreement.

Ragwort · 25/05/2020 15:58

You could do both I suppose - we both know what is in our joint account & what is in savings so when I spent £200 on new glasses I ‘knew’ that we could afford it, I might mention it in passing as well.

But there a big difference between casually mentionIng it as in ‘today I bought X’ and having to seek permission to buy something Confused.

Seems an odd thing to have such a detailed conversation on Zoom about ... or all we all running out of things to talk about?

Original poster
emz771 · 25/05/2020 15:58

There were some very varied answers - it’s all quite interesting.

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 25/05/2020 15:59

We have separate 'play' money to spend as we wish, so I wouldn't tell him if I was spending that on it, likewise from my personal savings.

We do have joint savings as well, and we would discuss large purchases from those - on both sides.

DuesToTheDirt · 25/05/2020 16:00

We used to notify each other of big purchases, and check it was OK. Then I bought a horse (yes we discussed it, not a surprise). After that, "big purchase" got redefined and now he doesn't bother asking Grin

ParkheadParadise · 25/05/2020 16:01

No, if it's something for myself or dd.

Original poster
emz771 · 25/05/2020 16:02

So parkhead there would be no level where you thought - mmm maybe I better run this one past my spouse?

OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 25/05/2020 16:07

No, definitely not.
I would discuss a big household purchase but not anything for myself or dd.