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Original poster

Would you notify husband/wife of big purchase?

98 replies

emz771 · 25/05/2020 15:20

Lots of zoom calls in lockdown and lots of debate with old friends.

Basically would you notify your wife/husband before a significant purchase that was just for you? A significant amount of money will mean different things to different people - but would you notify or do you both know what you can afford and get what you know you can?

OP posts:
JacobReesMogadishu · 25/05/2020 16:51

Nope. I've bought several cars without telling dh. And a nearly new caravan when I popped out to get caravan shampoo. 😁

JacobReesMogadishu · 25/05/2020 16:51

My sister bought a 40k horsebox and spent 2 years telling her dh she was borrowing it. 😁

CanIHaveAPenguinPlease · 25/05/2020 16:57

It’s all to do with what you can afford surely?

Sorry but if you can afford it but have to ask for permission I’d find that quite controlling tbh.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 25/05/2020 17:01

I bought myself a brand new car for my birthday. Told my husband when he got home from work Grin

Microwaveoven · 25/05/2020 17:02

It's all relative!! I couldn't hide the paper work for 40k horsebox. I would be up shit creek. I could hide £5 for luxury shampoo. Not that I would hide stuff. Actually I can't imagine hiding any purchase from DH.

Original poster
emz771 · 25/05/2020 17:04

I disagree it’s controlling.

Sure if you are wealthy and have to ask permission for a pair of shoes I agree that’s controlling. But even if you can afford it - I would imagine most people would discuss buying a 100k car.

OP posts:
dogconflict · 25/05/2020 17:06

For house related purchases we inform the other / get the opinion of something from £1 onwards.

But say I wanted to buy a Louis V bag, I'd mention it but that's it - it's my money. We have separate accounts for our own spending.

Serendipper · 25/05/2020 17:15

Hmmm this is interesting to me, I run almost everything I buy past husband, my own money and joint. He never has issue with me buying myself things but always moans about house bits - “why have you bought a bread bin we don’t need it”
And he always moans about parcels.
I’ve recently bought all new furniture for my craft room and as I’ve paid for it myself I haven’t told him. I’m not sure what he would say but it would be a moan.
It’s like he’s afraid of spending money and doesn’t value making our home nice/ solving annoying issues around the house

notacooldad · 25/05/2020 17:21

I think the most I've spent was £3,500 on a bike without telling DP.
Nothing sneaky or anything. I'd been looking for a while and while I was on holiday in Scotland alone the opportunity came up.
DP just said ' Is this your n+1?' ( it wasn't, I've bought two more since!)
It wouldnt occur to me to mention indvidual purchases and same otherwise round.

Household stuff gets discussed to make sure we get the right one.
We have a joint account.

Aragog · 25/05/2020 17:22

We have shared accounts. We would talk about large purchases. We'd not ask permission, but an adult talk about shared finances would be the norm.

FrangipaniBlue · 25/05/2020 17:24

*Oh really you would buy a new car without telling your husband?

I think on those I would consult for sure.*

There's a big difference between tell and consult though!

I've just bought something for my hobby that cost £6.5k - DH knew I was buying it because he knew I was looking, comparing different ones, researching the market etc etc. I didn't discuss the price with him though (I would if he asked and I'm sure he has a rough idea) and I certainly didn't "consult him".

DrMadelineMaxwell · 25/05/2020 17:25

No.
Dh and I split bills but have never had joint finances. I book a holiday each year for me and the dc (he dislikes travelling) for about £3k and I just do it.

ScarfLadysBag · 25/05/2020 17:28

If it was a joint expense then yes. But if it was just for one of us and a personal thing then it comes out of personal spends and I wouldn't expect either of us to have to explain. I'd probably mention it in an 'Woo I've bought this and I'm excited' kind of way, though.

PlanDeRaccordement · 25/05/2020 17:30

We discuss and agree on all big purchases. Small purchases we just let each other know. We have joint accounts so it’s mostly to ensure we don’t accidentally go over budget. The only separate accounts we have are investments, pensions, etc places where we are saving money for the future so it’s not spending money.

ScarfLadysBag · 25/05/2020 17:31

And our cars are joint expenses and come from joint account so we would definitely consult on that one, particularly as we both drive each other's anyway. They're just family cars, both needed for work/leisure for us all.

Guttersnipe · 25/05/2020 17:33

I'm very unmaterialistic so cant think of a time when I have bought something significant for me. Very occasionally I can spend into triple figures on clothes. I wouldn't clear it with dh first.

On the other hand dh did buy himself a couple of surfboards without consulting me. I was quite annoyed about it and I have noticed that he has talked a lot about getting a third one which I suppose is his way of consulting with me. But he isnt consulting me, just notifying me. And yes, I think it is a bit disrespectful.

GOODCAT · 25/05/2020 17:41

We have separate accounts, but generally discuss purchases that are unusual. The normal ones we each buy, we generally say after the event but not always.

justkeepmovingon · 25/05/2020 17:43

I don't discuss purchases with my DH as much as I think some people do? I'm buying myself a new Tech product and will be paying for it myself it doesn't impact on him and I would like upgrade my old laptop, it's about £1500 and I'm not sure he'd question my reasons?

Fork our shared account I'd only buy items that are for the family or both of us? So I guess then I'd chat but not in a permission kind of way.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 25/05/2020 17:44

All money here is shared so we definitely discuss certain levels of spending. It’s not a question of “permission” though.

megladon2020 · 25/05/2020 17:47

When I bought a new car recently my dh was out if the country. We had talked about it as in I showed him pictures of cars I liked (didn't buy any of those ones). I went ahead and bought one and sent him the picture after. It's my car, mainly for my own use but if course he drives it- if it's the easiest to get out of the drive. He has his own car and I wouldn't expect him to ask/ consult if he has the money to pay for it or anything else for that matter. We have separate accounts and it's worked very well so far- 15 years married.

Hairydogmummy · 25/05/2020 17:51

I would mention anything over £50 I think? And we have quite a sizeable income between us...but that's more because he's in to fashion and even beauty so I'd be asking advice. And he never discourages me anyway! If it was something less personal I'd discuss it cos it not just for me.

user1487194234 · 25/05/2020 17:55

No

user1487194234 · 25/05/2020 17:57

Would probably discuss a car TBF as I am not very interested in cars and he is a petrol head

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 25/05/2020 17:57

Anything outside of the usual household shop is discussed. Except when buying presents, be it birthday/christmas/a random present for one another.

He recently bought a new desk for his pc and monitors we talked about it for over a week, but the discussion was about payment method savings or credit card.

It isn't about seeking premission, it's more of a how is the best way to pay and if we should wait maybe.

Hairydogmummy · 25/05/2020 17:58

It's not a question of permission...it's just chatting. I'd be like 'what do think of this dress' and he'd be like yes, get it. That sort of thing. Depends what it is.