Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Would you notify husband/wife of big purchase?

98 replies

emz771 · 25/05/2020 15:20

Lots of zoom calls in lockdown and lots of debate with old friends.

Basically would you notify your wife/husband before a significant purchase that was just for you? A significant amount of money will mean different things to different people - but would you notify or do you both know what you can afford and get what you know you can?

OP posts:

dicksplash · 25/05/2020 16:08

It would very much depend on who is using it and if it was required. I think anything over £50 for a single item we would discuss but it wouldn't be about permission as such. That said, I regularly order more than £50 worth of clothes and don't say anything to him.

We are currently debating a new side table for the living room but have very different ideas on style and price 🙄

Mummyshark2018 · 25/05/2020 16:08

We have separate accounts so no I never ask permission. If I wanted his opinion on something I might tell him beforehand but otherwise I just buy- new car, holidays, hot tub etc.

Original poster

emz771 · 25/05/2020 16:09

Oh really you would buy a new car without telling your husband?

I think on those I would consult for sure.

OP posts:

tenlittlecygnets · 25/05/2020 16:11

Yes - everything over a couple hundred quid, we tell each other first.

cannotmakemymindup · 25/05/2020 16:12

I think I would say what I have ordered but not necessarily the amount of the item. However that's probably because DH knows a lot of things I use or we enjoy can't be purchased cheap. Also he trusts my judgement so if I have ordered something it must be because I/we or our daughter needs it. I usually research best price possible though and he trusts that to.

RedskyAtnight · 25/05/2020 16:12

We have a joint account and also separate accounts. if it was something out of my separate account, it wouldn't be discussed (that's the point of the separate accounts that we can buy things the other considers non-essential). Anything bought out of joint account money would be agreed in advance.

ScrumptiousBears · 25/05/2020 16:13

I would. My DP wouldn't. He didn't and bought a motorbike without me knowing. However we have separate money and what he does with it is up to him.

WatchingFromTheWings · 25/05/2020 16:19

Think it varies depending on what it is and the amount. My exh, I couldn't buy anything without asking first and even then I was often told no. He prioritised cigarettes and booze over shoes for the kids but if the kids need was desperate I'd buy them, then the shit would hit the fan.

2nd DH will tell me I can do what I like and actually gets a bit annoyed if I ask him if I'm ok to buy something! If it's something expensive, such as a treadmill I bought just prior to lockdown I'd definitely ran it past him but he wouldn't have been bothered if it just turned up!

He however has been known to pop into Curry's 'for a look' and come out with a massive tv!

Ragwort · 25/05/2020 16:19

What if your DH buys something that you can afford but you loathe and it does impact on you? I would hate it if my DH went out and bought a hot tub without discussing it with me ... or a hideous piece of furniture? Or a sports car .... can’t stand middle aged men in sports cars .

ParkheadParadise · 25/05/2020 16:22

Years ago my DH bought me a new car for Christmas. I didn't know about it until I opened the door to find it sitting there with a red bow wrapped round it.

Original poster

emz771 · 25/05/2020 16:24

But that’s a present parkhead slightly different.

Would you go and buy a brand new car without consulting?

OP posts:

CoffeeRunner · 25/05/2020 16:27

If it was purely for me, then I’d discuss it over about £50.

We both work FT & earn similar amounts but we are a family of 5 and there isn’t generally the money in the budget to treat ourselves above that level all the time. DH would never say no, but me spending on myself might mean he’d have to wait until the next month to get something he wanted.

ParkheadParadise · 25/05/2020 16:28

My car is worth over £40,000
So no I wouldn't.
I think it would be a bit strange to go out and come home with a new car without telling dh I was buying it.

Original poster

emz771 · 25/05/2020 16:29

Agreed!

OP posts:

dudsville · 25/05/2020 16:29

Items for the house, yes we'd share that. We have personal accounts as well and if we did do a big purchase we might well share the news but it's not necessary.

Sarahandco · 25/05/2020 16:30

Yes I would tell DH if it was a large amount that would have an impact on him.

twostripycats · 25/05/2020 16:34

We have quite a strict household budget which doesn’t really allow for ‘extras’ so pretty much anything over and above our food shop I’d discuss with him. More for myself because I feel so guilty about any penny that I spend that I almost need his reassurance that it’s ok to spend it.

I do have a hair/make up category in my budget and a clothes category so wouldn’t need to discuss that unless I was going over the budget which I obviously try not to do!

So for example a new bedding set or a pan I would discuss just because we don’t have categories that they’d fall into. Maybe we should have though!

tmh88 · 25/05/2020 16:36

I would never ask for permission on buying something but wouldn’t say buy a new sofa etc. Without asking what he liked/thought! But I do tell DP everything I buy, again not in a permission way but more of a “look what I got today” and he does the same with me.

Wildlingyoumakemyheartsing · 25/05/2020 16:37

We are in the middle of a house refurb. I have consulted him over style, not price of items like baths, sinks etc. The only item I discussed in a 'should I get it' kind of way was for a specific item which I felt was expensive (a unique mirror). For example I could have bought a functional item which would have been cheaper but I wanted a statement piece so I agreed it with him first. Generally if it is household or will affect each other then we discuss it in terms of style for opinions but if it is good value (which I suppose I have my own limits on) then it's fine. That said - I would never buy a large piece of furniture he would have to look at without approval as I would hate it if he did that to me!

TheHighestSardine · 25/05/2020 16:38

Something that would or may be shared, or will impact room layout or require some rearrangement of the status quo. Or help from DP.

Wildlingyoumakemyheartsing · 25/05/2020 16:38

I forgot to say that all our expenses are joint but I'd check for a normal purchase unrelated to the house remodel where I had to dip into joint savings.

CanIHaveAPenguinPlease · 25/05/2020 16:39

No I wouldn’t & haven’t. I bought a new car in December & casually mentioned it. All I got was very nice! If it’s for the house dh will run it by me first as I hate junk & he loves it. He probably asks more than I do tbh but not it would have to be a significant purchase.

Xmasbaby11 · 25/05/2020 16:45

I'd discuss items over £50 probably if they were for the kids or household. Having said that,I regularly buy clothes and other bits for the kids which add up, but I wouldn't mention that.

Anything from my own bank account, no, not unless it was a big item like new laptop that we would discuss just because it would come up in conversation.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 25/05/2020 16:46

We don't ask each other's permission before buying things but we do talk about pretty much everything we buy (apart from toothpaste, that sort of thing) so any big purchase would get discussed in advance anyway.

Original poster

emz771 · 25/05/2020 16:48

Not saying it’s wrong - but amazed people would buy cars without discussing it.

We don’t have any money issues - but can’t imagine coming home to husband and being like “oh I brought a 90k Range Rover today.”

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4