Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Watching myself get more and more into debt and no idea what to do

101 replies

OhButWhatIfIFly · 15/08/2019 16:05

Hi all, NC here as I don't want to be linked back to my previous threads, but I am a frequent user.

Go easy on me here, I really need some advice and I just don't know where to turn. I'm going to put in a bit of personal info here because I am really hoping there are some wise mumsnetters who can see the forest past all the trees, because I certainly can't. And I am sure that there are things I can do, but I'm not sure what they are.

I left my abusive husband 3 months ago and I've been with him since I left school 10 years ago. He controlled all our finances so this is my first bit of adulting and it's not going well. I work full time as a teacher and I have a middle management position. I live in a council flat and receive housing benefit (not a lot) and I get some money from Child Maintenance. In total, that makes my monthly income after deductions £2269.38. My rent is £664 per month, childcare £1648.48. I work 1h15m from home as I can't afford to live nearby and therefore use my car. Petrol costs £80 per month approx. Then I spend about £15pw on food and toiletries. This puts my basic outgoings at £2452.48. This means each month I lose £183.10. That's before my phone bill, additional childcare for Parents' Evenings etc.

I've applied to UC but don't get anything. I have no friends or family that could help out with childcare. And when I say no one, I really do mean I am doing this alone. DD is 20 months, so we are still a fair bit off the 30 free hours. I am trying to relocate up north, but no jobs are coming up for the subject I teach but I am looking as this may help. I could do something else, and have been looking at admin jobs, but a huge pay cut would still put me in the same position. Do you think a weekend job would help me out after the cost of weekend childcare (providing I can find one, as looking at childminders, there seem to be none in the area that work weekends)?

I just don't don't know what to do or where I can go for advice. Any ideas are welcome!

OP posts:
CmdrCressidaDuck · 15/08/2019 16:14

Well, childcare is your problem there obviously. It's nearly 3 times your rent - that's huge. What childcare are you using?

I hate to say it, but if you have no way of cutting your childcare bill - could you consider stopping work at least until your DD is eligible for free childcare hours? Will you get 30 hours at age 2 or not until age 3? Or could you do, say, marking and editing work in the evenings while she sleeps to bring in some income?

averylongtimeago · 15/08/2019 16:15

That sounds a scary situation.
But: your child care costs sound very high-
www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/childcare-costs

nannynick · 15/08/2019 16:18

What childcare scheme are you using, if any? You say you are not eligible for UC, so have a look at Tax-Free Childcare scheme. That could save you up to £2000 per year, which would help a bit.

nannynick · 15/08/2019 16:35

Are there opportunities at work to increase pay. Becoming head of department, head of year, would that increase pay enough to warrant the additional workload?

Does DD see her father, could you do tutoring when she goes to stay with him?

HollowTalk · 15/08/2019 16:39

Your ex should be paying half the childcare costs. That was a mistake I made and paid for it dearly.

Original poster
OhButWhatIfIFly · 15/08/2019 16:46

Childcare is indeed what's crippling me. The area is affluent and all the nurseries are owned by the same company so can charge what they like. I can't put her in my neighbourhood because I have to be at work for 8am and that wouldn't give be enough time. The nurseries near work are even more expensive so I went with one half an hour away. I've looked into a childminder but there are so few, I've been on a waiting list for one since I was 8 months pregnant.

I use tax fee childcare

The father is involved but refuses to have DD if it interferes with his social life. It is a good idea with the tuition though!!

OP posts:
RainOrSun · 15/08/2019 16:49

Ouch ouch ouch to that childcare bill.
Ok, is it a full year place, or term time only?? Can you switch to term time? Have you checked that e.g. a childminder wouldnt be cheaper?
Are you claiming the tax free childcare?

I think if you cant reduce the childcare, you are going into continue to struggle - there us very little else yo reduce. I'm guessing that rent is exceedingly cheap, so no point moving - unless you could loose a bedroom, and share with your child?
Also, you havn't accounted for gas, electricity, council tax, water in your figures. Are they included in the rent???

HollowTalk · 15/08/2019 16:57

But why should the resident parent be the only person responsible for childcare? It's outrageous.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 15/08/2019 17:03

Of course it's outrageous, but in the world we live in if OP is already getting minimum maintenance out of her DD's dad then she probably won't be seeing a penny more.

It sounds like you have looked into the sensible options for reducing your childcare costs OP. I don't think a weekend job would honestly do much to help. I would financially model a couple of scenarios: one, you keep working until 30 free hours of childcare kick in and accept a degree of loss and see whether you could realistically pay it back; two, you have to consider radically different options re working, like quitting teaching for now and doing online tutoring in the evening. You're in a tough spot and I really feel for you. My hope would be that with good teachers in demand, you could resume teaching work after a break of a few years once your DD gets some free hours.

SinkGirl · 15/08/2019 17:16

Have you tried the Entitled To calculator to see if there’s any help you’re not claiming? Im shocked you’re not entitled to any of the tax credits part of UC - this government is a bloody disgrace

TeacupDrama · 15/08/2019 17:32

feel very sorry for you but at least you are free
you have 16 months before free hours £183 x 16 =£2928 or £3000
you haven't included phones clothes toys christmas parties insurance car repairs MOT etc etc so realistically another £50-100 per month (and £15 per week for food for 2 is not realistic long term as your child will start eating more soon) which is another 1-2k
can you afford to be £5k in debt over and above existing debt
as a young teacher will you be getting a rise because of experience this year as well as any inflation increase if you do make sure you earmark it towards expenses
being completely realistic you say shortfall of £183 but there will always be extras see above so it is more like £260-280 per month or £4500 while this doesn't sound that much to some if you have to put it all on credit cards then there is interest too and it is not doable,
you can't cut your food bill anymore in fact it is really too little to be healthy
if you really can't afford to be £183 n debt each month it maybe time for a career break until free hours and unfortunately you might be better off not working for a short while and being a SAHM and claiming benefits etc as a teacher they are in demand all over the UK and you might find elsewhere you can get housing and childcare much much closer to work.
here childcare is about £4.50-£5 an hour so 8-5.30 5 days a week would be around £926 -1029 a month a bit less if you don't have to pay 52 weeks a year

foxfox · 15/08/2019 17:42

I'm pretty sure if you're using Tax Free Childcare you're not entitled to the child care element of Universal Credit. Which would help you enormously! Can you re enter your details on entitledto and not tick the box for tax free childcare? Alternatively, there's a Facebook group called Surviving Universal Credit and there are some fantastic! Very knowledgeable people on there who can work it all out for you. I can not believe you're entitled to nothing with that enormous childcare bill.

Best of luck!

Batshittery · 15/08/2019 17:50

What about child benefit? Do your earnings come under the threshold for that OP?

Original poster
OhButWhatIfIFly · 15/08/2019 19:43

Thanks. There are some great ideas on here. I've been trying so hard to keep my job and it is genuinely disheartening that I might have to give it up for a while. Would I even be entitled to anything then? I am definitely going to check that Facebook group out once dd has gone to sleep.

I can't downsize anymore because we are currently in a studio flat, which is why I thought of relocating. Although I'm not sure it will help fully.

Dd father will definitely not pay anymore. He pays what that CSA tells him to and not a penny more.

When I first applied for UC I was told I was going to get £500 but then they told me there were loads of deductions for whatever and I actually got nothing.

Good shout on child benifit. I do get that. I had completely forgotten about that. So that is another 80ish on my incomings.

The food I know is an issue but I only buy what I need and I get by with lots of tinned stuff so it's do able. Dd gets her fresh fruit but I don't buy alcohol, crisps, sweets, meat or juice. Bills and council tax are included in the rent.

OP posts:
ListeningQuietly · 15/08/2019 20:43

You are in a really horrible situation
BUT
as its the childcare that is crippling you, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Travel to work - is there anybody you could carshare with (as in you offer them lifts to offset costs - so you still have the flexibility)

It may genuinely be beneficial to reduce your hours for a year or two until your little one starts school

  • you'll save money
  • you'll have more time with her
  • you'll be less stressed
  • your finances will be less nadgered
eve34 · 15/08/2019 20:51

How about a nanny share? With the school holidays your 'Need' for childcare might compliment someone else's child care situation ?

Stuckforthefourthtime · 15/08/2019 20:59

Agree with the others about childcare. I'd really push for any term time only childminder places you can find. You'll save a fortune. As these are one woman businesses, for the most part, it really helps to be proactive and call and explain your situation and the urgency, someone may also be sympathetic.

If that's not possible (or over the next few weeks to tide you over), I imagine you're tired and appreciate this may be the last thing you want to do, but in your place I'd register on childcare.co.uk as a school holiday nanny with own child, and maybe call agencies too if your dd is in nursery still through the holidays. Lots of people would LOVE the idea of an experienced teacher.

Original poster
OhButWhatIfIFly · 15/08/2019 21:07

No one to car share with. Most people take the train but I can't afford the season pass for rail transport.
Do you think going part time will really help?

I just feel so tired with it all. I don't know how long I can keep going for

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 15/08/2019 21:14

It’s odd you are entitled to hb but not UC especially when your childcare costs are so high. Did you apply when you were just paid the once in assessment period. It just doesn’t seem correct. I would reapply.

Fr0g · 15/08/2019 21:15

A friends' daughter was offered a job whilst still in teacher training. Included a place for her baby at the school's creche at a reduced rate, No idea if this is common or not, but worth looking for?

Original poster
OhButWhatIfIFly · 15/08/2019 21:16

Oh wow that idea of holiday nanny is genius. Do you think it's feasible though if my home is a studio flat? But I suppose even taking on 1 child might be a nice bit of income

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 15/08/2019 21:22

Are you getting single adult discount on your council tax?

WrongKindOfFace · 15/08/2019 21:23

Looking at your figures I’m surprised you’re not entitled to some universal credit. Were all of the elements correct? Is you wage just less tax, Nat insurance and pension or have you got other deductions off it?

You can do another calculation here and they also have a Facebook group. I suppose you could make a fake account if you didn’t want to use your own name in public. www.uceplus.co.uk/how-much-will-my-payment-be.html

Actually you won’t be receiving housing benefit if you’ve claimed uc. Did you mean the housing element of uc? I’m a tad confused now.

ListeningQuietly · 15/08/2019 21:27

Re Part time : you'll need to sit and do the maths but once you take into account tax and pensions etc it might work.

Another thought - if your take home pay drops a band, so do your pension contribs which can ease short term pressure on money

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/08/2019 21:46

Actually you won’t be receiving housing benefit if you’ve claimed uc.
She would if the uc claim was refused.