Coping financially when maintenance ends

[JillyC8]

Older mum here, stressing about how I'll cope financially when my children reach 18. I thought it would get easier, I'd meet someone new etc, but that hasn't happened and happy as I am being single, I realise it puts me at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to finances.

In two years, my maintenance will halve, then two years later will stop altogether, as will the tax credit and child benefit. I work full time in a stressful job, to which I commute for one hour each way. I've looked at alternative employment closer to home, but in the field I work, there is very little around and I'd end up taking a very big wage cut.

I'm in my fifties, and I want to begin easing the stress a bit, but with the prospect of losing around £800 a month in a coup,e of years, I don't know if I ever can.

Even with the children getting jobs, and my daughter wants to go to uni, I doubt their contribution to the finances will make a big difference at their age. We don't live in a big house - just a 3-bed terrace, so downsizing isn't an option. I will still owe £95000 on my mortgage in two years.

Just wondering if there is anyone else here who is facing this scenario ...

J

Can you overpay your mortgage during the next few years?

I'm in this situation - my twins are 18 next year - only recently divorced ( a year) extremely acrimonious and still trying to get x to pay maintenance as calculated by CMS - I'm on benefits - long term depression and didn't work during 20 year marriage - had two years spousal and then full time employment at age 54 considered easy to achieve by judge.

I am currently subsidising outgoings from funds allocated to me for housing - paid Ds school fees as x claims cannot afford them and renting former home to try and keep kids stable til completion of a levels again all subsidised by funds for my house purchase.

I can no longer afford to purchase in this area -even at full amount allocated would have been difficult - I cannot risk having to rely on working as I do not know how my depression will be - currently severe due to continual stress. I am having to move away once kids reach 18 - one has said will prob go to uni but wants gap year - no way I can support this other twin not yet sure.

I have no choice I have to put my own financial security first - x manipulated and lied through court hearing - what his intentions are re kids I have no idea as he will not communicate with me. Uncertainty and financial worry fuels my depression _ how judge came to conclusion that I would be better once divorce over just shows how detached from all this they are.
Have tried to find out whether kids can use children's act to get money from x - he has since bought a house with Ow so the company that he owns and she also works for must have recovered since divorce. He still rents a property locally for his contact time.

It's a nightmare having to contend with this after going through courts who would supposedly have protected me!

Do you know for definite that he is going to stop paying maintainance ? Kids don't just stop needing financial help hen they turn 18. Would he continue to help them through Uni? If you are on a low income you might still be able to get working tax credits even though child tax credits will stop.

Hi, thanks for replying to my post RedHelen ... I may be able to a little iccasionally but,p any overpayment would be minimal. I've looked at downsizing but a cheaper house wouldn't be cheap enough for it to make a difference as the house I'm in isn't particularly worth much.

also how many years do you have left on the mortgage? Any chance of extending the term ? I understand that might be difficult due to your age. Hope you manage to work through things, it's difficult losing so much in a short space of time.

your options are....
either get a second job, or a better paid job (very hard)
ask your children to contribute when they start work (possible, but only if they do start work)
Downsize to somewhere closer to where you work if you cannot find another job/possibly have time for one

what sort of salary are you on? and in what field?

We lost £600 a month in maintenance, tax credits and child benefit when my eldest turned 18, although married I'm on minimum wage and DH not much better
We extended the term of our mortgage so our payments dropped from £650 to £160 a month
It's not ideal but we stand to inherit in the near future so we can then pay it off then.

Green beret, I feel for you, I really do. It sounds like you live in an expensive area, which must be difficult. Re depression, I am still on a mild dose of anti-depressants but do find that working helps. Nothing worse than being at home having too much time to think.

I’m worrying about this too. Almost identical situation but I’m younger (40).
I’m separating from DH (not the DCs father) and buying a 3 bedroom terrace with £100k mortgage. I guess age is on my side but it’s annoying that if life had gone to plan I’d be mortgage free in five years.
DCs are 16 and 12.
I’m hoping to make some moves in my career but not sure how that will go.
It’s a worry, for sure....

Babyroobs,
My ex has has stated categorically that he will stop paying when they reach 18. He has also said to my daughter, unbelievably, that she shouldn't expect him to help her if she goes to uni, which he thinks is a waste of time. He isn't a bad person, but can be incredibly selfish and refused to help his eldest son (from a former marriage) after he reached 18.

When I turned 18 my parents expected me to start contributing 350 per month and they were married with two full time incomes. They never offered or contributed a penny to my eduction or to moving out or buying a house etc. That was several decades ago so would be worth a lot more now!
I'm not saying that's the way it should be but but I am saying that your children shouldn't expect you to maintain a life you can't afford.

I completely understand! I've just embarked on a degree (that will end up with me having a professional qualifiication) All being well I'll graduate when my eldest turns 18.
Is there anyway you can boost your earning potential? I'll be nearly 50 when I graduate but I have no choice but to try and improve myself.

I'm worried about this too. There's a big age gap between mine, but in 3 years I'll lose CTC etc for my eldest, and it's all down from there. Desperately trying to reduce the mortgage as much as possible. I currently get a fairly big chunk in child maintenance and it makes up over a third of my total income, but I have a high mortgage and will never be able to buy him out, so when my youngest is 18, I'll have to give my ex his share (previously agreed)

The only way I'll be ok is if I inherit about £100k

Hi Alabama, I don't get home till 7 each evening and also run my own little sewing business on eBay, which brings in a bit of extra pocket money. So I basically get home each night and start sewing after tea. Financially, we're ok now (just) but in two years I'm dreading how we'll cope. The company I work for are very good and allow me to work from home one day a week, but we are about to be taken over by a much larger organisation, who have announced they will be stopping these arrangements next year, so I'll be commuting five days instead of four.

The children know they will need to find work and contribute but at such a young age, I doubt they'll earn much in the first few years, plus if my daughter goes to uni, then that's another concern.

As for moving closer to work, I couldn't uproot the children - their lives are based here and they've been through so much. I would prefer to commute than upset their lives again, plus, the future could be uncertain due to the takeover.

I work in publishing and as I've been with the company quite a long time, have built up my pay etc. Now I'm 51, I'm seeing how much I have to compete just to keep up with the younger people coming in, and haven't been successful finding a similar job nearer to where I work. I would be looking at going into an admin job, which would halve my wages.

Lemon ginger, I think you're right ... I may have to be harsher on the children than I want to be, but if they want to go to uni I don't want to prevent that. My son isn't showing any interest but he's only 14 and doing well at school. We live in a low income area (south west) so I wouldn't expect them to earn huge amounts locally ... but as you say, they may need to contribute more than they would expect.

NC4Now - it sounds like you're in the same situation I was at 40 - husband left for OW when my two were 3 and 18 months. It's frightening how quickly the years fly past. I thought I would've in a much better position financially by now.

Donajimena - good luck with your studies. I've thought about retraining etc, but I honestly think I'm too old to expect to start in a new career... if I retrain I'll be in my mid-50s and have to work. I feel so trapped. I think my only option is to beg my mortgage provider to stretch my term beyond 70 but I don't know if they would do that ...

Hi all

I'm anxious about this situation too, which is two years off for me. I'm trying to live as frugally as possible now to overpay the mortgage now. I'm also about to start a small business one Saturday a month alongside my full time job (I found Chris Guillebeau's book Side Hustle in 27 days, really inspiring.)

DD finished school last year, and is working on a pretty low wage having a gap year. I struggled with asking her to contribute to living costs once she was 18 when I don't desperately 'need' it at present, but can see every penny will make a difference two years from now. She struggled with the change too, even though I was only asking for a contribution to the food she eats, but looking back I do think it was helpful for us all, to renegotiate the discussion adult to adult, and for her and her brother to see while I'll do my utmost we can stay in this area, we all need to pull together to make it happen. I think I would have struggled with her having the money to go out with her mates, which I don't feel I have for myself, if she weren't making a small contribution. I feel ashamed I feel I need to get her to contribute like this, but I think its better to be as prepared as possible.

Good luck OP,

My salary is 30k and I work in publishing as a manager.

ok dokes - are you like a 'general manager' or specifically a publishing manager? could you think about doing a prince 2 (or whatever is popular these days, Agile??) course and then moving closer to home? you have 4 years and you can do the prince2 (if thats the one) in a week,

you then have management experience, and all you say is you are P2 qualified?

All, thank you for responding, I thought I was going mad and doing something wrong, but I can see this is a real problem for many people. It's very worrying that the assumption is that once a child turns 18 they will suddenly be earning a good wage, or any wage at all. :-((

Alabama, thank you I will look into this ... I was trained via an apprenticeship in printing and publishing back in the day, and don't have any formal management qualifications, but have 'worked my way up' through experience. Is Prince2 a general management qualification? I would need to study from home I would expect ... my company aren't overly helpful when it comes to helping people train but I could do it myself if it was worth it ... I am a Content Manager and basically run a team who write/edit/translate.

Redmapleleaves, I understand where you're coming from. I hate the thought of having to lean on my children so heavily, but probably won't have any choice ... good luck with your Saturday business venture.

I am in a similar position although I have a few more years to go before it stops. And it WILL stop. Ex-h has never paid a cent over what he's ordered to.
I receive it for one child, 3 others have reached 18. The payment I get covers most of my mortgage but I have a few years to figure that out.
My 2 older children still at home contribute but I don't ask a lot as they don't earn a lot. What I did find was that once they started earning their own money, they became responsible for looking after their own needs and wants. So whilst the contribution to the home finances is not that much overall, there is a massive benefit of having them taking on the responsibility of themselves.
Of course, I still help them if they need and if I can but, as adults, they are not the same 'burden' (for want of a better word, of course my children are not burdens ) they once were. This is where you may, hopefully, find it is not as dire as you (and all of us in that position) imagine it will be.

What if you retrained in something like accounting, that you could do as a home office job in the future? It's the sort of career you can do to later age if needed