Coping financially when maintenance ends

[JillyC8]

Older mum here, stressing about how I'll cope financially when my children reach 18. I thought it would get easier, I'd meet someone new etc, but that hasn't happened and happy as I am being single, I realise it puts me at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to finances.

In two years, my maintenance will halve, then two years later will stop altogether, as will the tax credit and child benefit. I work full time in a stressful job, to which I commute for one hour each way. I've looked at alternative employment closer to home, but in the field I work, there is very little around and I'd end up taking a very big wage cut.

I'm in my fifties, and I want to begin easing the stress a bit, but with the prospect of losing around £800 a month in a coup,e of years, I don't know if I ever can.

Even with the children getting jobs, and my daughter wants to go to uni, I doubt their contribution to the finances will make a big difference at their age. We don't live in a big house - just a 3-bed terrace, so downsizing isn't an option. I will still owe £95000 on my mortgage in two years.

Just wondering if there is anyone else here who is facing this scenario ...

J

I was at 30, when I first became a single parent. I hoped starting again would see me in better stead, but it hasn’t worked out and I’m back to square one. I just can’t seem to get it right.

WellandTruly, thanks for your message, I can see I'm looking at the worse case scenario, and of course once they earn they will be looking after their own needs (clothes/toiletries etc) so it will hopefully not be as drastic as I am thinking ... I hope not, but £800+ a month loss just fills me with horror. I have nothing over at the end of the month at the moment and lay awake at night thinking about it.
People have told me to 'go out and meet someone' to share the burden with, but I find the idea of doing that for financial gain abhorrent. I couldn't go down that route :-(.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can, all you can do is possible extend the term of your mortgage or maybe take in lodgers if/ when your kids leave home although that's not ideal either.

Northendgal - my worse subject is figures so I don't think I'd cut it in accounting :-(

You don't want to move now, but you could do it in 2-4 years time. Saying you don't want to uproot them after all they've been through is understandable but impractical if that's the only way you can afford to give them a roof over their heads and heating and food etc.

Heddagarbled - my concern in moving closer to work is based around its remote location and the uncertain future due to the takeover. Also, I live near my older sister who provides a lot of moral support, which I think I would struggle to do without. Weak as that sounds. It's something I may have to look at but I hope not - :-(

I was in your position a couple of years ago, DS2 was 18 and still in full time education so i still got CTC and TC, but my god i was so badly stressed about what would happen when he finished his course (have never received maintenance, so that was irrelevant)
DS2 is now at uni but still living at home, he gets full grants/loans as the 'household income' is low and works one day a week (i have 4 part time jobs and am a self employed seamstress the rest of the time) and we split all the bills in half, and he buys his own food. It's tough, but he's learnt to budget which is a big life lesson.

All i can say is try not to panic, you don't know what may happen between now and then, maybe a lodger will be the way to go, but you will figure it out when the time arises somehow.. As single parents we always find a way, we're tough resilient old birds (at 54 i'm allowed to say that)

What you are fearing has already happened to me and the future is a huge worry.
My CB and CTC stoppped for both children along with child maintenance. Both went to uni at the same time, but of course in reality they are home an enormous chunk of the year. Luckily they get the full maintenance student loan as I am a low earner so do not have to contribute. However this means they will be in greater debt when they leave university. Ex is a high earner and does not contribute.

Luckily you are working full time, I try and get by working as a supply teacher but work is thin on the ground. I am in my late 50's and struggling to get a full time job, although I have had some interviews and good feedback never actually get the job.
After fighting through the courts for years, I am now in the position to purchase a modest property mortgage free. However bills still need to be paid and I am worrying how I am going to be able to do this going forward if I do not get a permanent job at my age.

Jellykat im inspired by your post - 4 jobs!! Good to hear you are getting on with it and your son is doing his bit. You're right about being touch and resilient. When I first became a single mum I was a wreck, but 12 years down the line I'm a different person. It's been hard and I've had a couple of near misses with stress levels over the years but so far so good. As you say, two years can see changes. Thank you for your post.

Crimson - Have you looked at working tax credits if you are on a low wage or Universal credit if you are in a full service area ?
At the moment you would need to work 30 hours a week to get working tax credits to boost your income but when you turn 60, you can get them working just 16 hours. Just something to bear in mind.

Look into what financial help your daughter will be entitled to at uni - student loans/grants etc.
Asses whether she actually needs to go to uni - is it essential for the field of work she wants to get into (doctor/architecture/nurse etc) or is it a more generic degree that may or may not actually lead anywhere (in which case, can she defer or try alternative career paths?)
Bottom line is you can only afford what you can afford.
Kids over 18 living at home will need to pay a meaningful contribution to the costs of running the house.
Look into what benefits you may be entitled to - tax credits etc

Crimsonlake, I'm sorry to hear this. It's awful how age discrimination is still so rife, despite being supposedly illegal. I recently was in contact with an employment agency, who were supplying interviewees for an appointment on my team at work. The obviously very young lady I spoke to on the phone described one applicant to me as 'late forties, but seems fit and healthy so we think she's still worth interviewing'. I was mortified and complained to the agency manager. To be mortgage-free is an impossible dream for me. I hope you find a way through.

A surprisingly successful extra-income for me has been through eBay, either buying/selling or sewing. It's worth a shot and sometimes gives me £100 a month, which is a very welcome help to balance the budget.

My long term plan is to move to a flat or small 2-bed place when the children have finally flown the nest, but given the difficulties young people face starting out on their own, that could be quite some time away.

Thanks Mamma, I will certainly do some homework re grants etc. Hopefully it won't be too difficult. I've discussed other options with her, ie apprenticeships etc, but she isn't sure what she wants to do yet and has been encouraged at school to go to university. Her grades are very good and she is expected to pass most subjects with an A and A*s so I can understand her teachers encouraging her in this direction. I would hate to stand in her way, but I'm sure we'll manage somehow.

Don’t fall into the trap of sending her to uni to blindly do a random course just for the sake of “going to uni” - it’s unnecessary and you can’t afford to pay for her to faff around for 3 years to then come out with a pointless piece of paper. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I see it time and time again. Kids want to go to uni but have no real idea why or for what purpose. They do a course.come out with a degree and then go off and try to find work in a completely unrelated field and the degree means diddly squat in the end and was essentially 3 years of expensive partying!!!

Thanks Babyroobs for suggesting that, but as my pay as a supply teacher is so erratic I cannot apply for working tax credits as I do not have a regular income.
I also had a court order to sell my home when my children reached the age of 18. Whilst they are now at uni I still want them to have a home to come back to so have managed to purchase a 3 bed house. Unfortunately not in the same area where we used to live as property there is out of my reach and a some distance away from their friends.
Yes I do think my age is against me at interviews and I am fairly certain I am a tick the box exercise.

Mamma, I agree re university. I'm not degree educated but have done ok workwise (despite my current predicament!). It seems these days that not having a degree is frowned on in the workplace, whether it's in a related subject or not. I'd much rather my two go down the apprenticeship route. My daughter is yet to decide what she wants to do so we'll see what happens over the next couple of years. I suppose I've seen it as her 'choice' but I'd hate for her to have the huge burden of a student loan for years if the degree wasn't worth it in the end.

Question if children 18+ have a gap year which includes travel and volunteering how is this funded ?

Bank of mum and dad I would have thought ...

If they’re on full time education (not uni) he has to pay until 20 I think it is. Bear this in mind.

No other advice I’m afraid

If your child chooses to continue in education, he can actually juts stop paying her contribution, but it will have to go to her and not running your household. I understand this is a difficult time for you, but you are on what is considered a decent wage. You have two years to work out how to make this work for you, whether it’s downsizing or readjusting your living expenses. It is possible, but I understand why it’s also daunting. He can’t choose not to contribute to uni, but you may not be able to help as much as you’d want to.

Can’t even- provisions can be made for children up to 25 who are perusing further education .

I believe that once 18, the child can apply to the courts for direct support from the absent parent re uni. How often anyone does this is a different matter.

Could you rent out a room? Random thought..

Hi all this thread is pretty distressing for me reading that I am not alone in this situation either.

I tried to get my settlement to take into account that both my kids would more than likely go to uni so to age 21 but as the x had manipulated the whole scenario our finances looked as though this was not affordable - complete bollocks as has now been proven by his recent mortgage.

This situation is so unfair on all our kids and the courts maintain that what they are doing is in the kids best interests -well I'd like to know how - kids these days need the qualification to have a better chance - as proven by the suggestion to improve your own qualifications @JillyC8 - as it is they come out of the other end with a debt that needs repaying how can it be right that if they get extra assistance this increases their debt even further - they are starting their adult life already £1000's in debt!

My kids have been through major distress the last four years - i have done my best to keep things stable for them - I got ripped off by my legal representation who emotionally and financially abused me at a time when I was most vulnerable - I am facing a CMS tribunal as the x does not want to pay the measly amount calculated by CMS and is finding anyway possible to get out of this -

The former home has been sold again manipulated by the x but I am able to rent it but have a two month notice period hanging round my neck - if they get planning to develop the field behind I am out and more to the point so are the kids - the x would have had us out 6 months before kids did GCSEs - I'm living on a wish that they get to do their a levels without us having to move because as I have said I cannot afford to continue living here - I'm near Oxford one of the most expensive areas outside of London! If planning comes up I don't yet now what I will do - kids will have to live with X and this means all my financial support will end!

I cannot get my head in a good place to consider any form of employment - I have been under mental health team twice during the divorce and I am currently awaiting more counselling - my focus is to get the kids to 18 - I know full well that they are not going to be able to support themselves and that if they go to uni they still spend a considerable amount of the year at home - this is not going to be here and as it stands I may not have 2 bedrooms for them to have one each.
( as for the gap year that my Ds has mentioned as one poster said how is this funded? I'm not even going here currently - the x has sorted himself at the expense of the kids - I cannot afford to fund this for my Ds)

I have had to tell my kids that I cannot continue as we are - that I will get them to 18 - but that I will be moving away ( I am blubbing now because I shouldn't have to do this - this is how I have been stitched up by x and courts) but I have no other choice - as it is keeping them here is impacting on me financially for the future
The poster that said kids can apply themselves for maintenance I believe this is before they are 18 and is something I'm looking into under the children's act but this means more lawyers and more expense.

I am continually in a place between anger and distress and then get told I need to move on with my own life and that I am bitter for still being absorbed by this ( my story all on MN)

Well had I known this was coming after 20 years of marriage I would have made sure that I had stashed money away for the kids - as it is they have both said I can use the little savings they have - would I have stayed home and enabled the x to build his business and his reputation as one of the leading bods in financial services - no fucking way! He's swanning around all tickety boo with Ow and her kids in toe whilst I'm having to fend off a breakdown - one day karma has to do its stuff - this is what keeps me going - always do the right thing by our kids - they are a blessing after all!

( sorry my feelings are still pretty raw!)

SD1978 - downsizing isn't an option as I already live in one of the cheapest houses in the area. Re my earnings, they are considered a 'decent wage' I agree, and I've worked extremely hard over the past few years to get to the highest level I can achieve to keep our lives as stable as possible, but it is constantly taking its toll. Without going into too much detail, the pressure and expectation is huge where I work, plus there are other issues. It is a male-dominated environment (out of the 30 or so team leaders/managers, only two are female, including myself. Turnover of staff is high and there is good reason for it. Bullying and intimidation is a regular occurrence but rarely dealt with, and although I work alongside many good people, there are others who make people's lives a misery, and I have been on the receiving end at times.
I wake up every Monday morning feeling sick and stressed that I work there. I would love to be able to move into a different job, more local, less pressure, but I'm trapped due to the fact I need every penny and will do even more so in two years' time.