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Original poster

Should my partner contribute more to holiday

95 replies

Kazarooney · 19/03/2018 07:50

My partner and I Don’t live together and are looking at booking our first holiday abroad we ve been together two years . I will be taking my DS I was looking at splitting the cost two thirds me one third partner but I cant afford this . I have two part time jobs but he still earns double what I do.

Partner has suggested we just go in U.K. if I can’t afford it .

Am I being unreasonable to expect that he should pay more as he earns more .

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/03/2018 07:53

How old is your DS?

Floopbloop · 19/03/2018 07:53

Surely if you don't live together, don't have joint finances etc you should pay for yourselves? If you can't afford to pay for yourself and your son I think you need to look at somewhere cheaper.

dun1urkin · 19/03/2018 07:55

YABU
Suggesting a holiday you can afford is a good alternative.
If you were going away with a friend who earned more money than you, would you expect them to subsidise you as well?

Cheekyandfreaky · 19/03/2018 07:56

I think if you’re not living together and I’m assuming partner is not ds’s Dad then you can’t assume he would take responsibility for him in any sense and that includes financially. It would be different if you were living together but no I think YABU.

Missingstreetlife · 19/03/2018 08:00

If he was nice he would split it. The child won't cost as much as the adults.

TroubledLichen · 19/03/2018 08:03

I think YABU if your son is older and actually costs the same as an adult. If he’s a baby and would only cost the infant lap fee on the plane and sleeps in a cot in your room then YANBU.

PurplePirate · 19/03/2018 08:09

He doesn't want to. You can't make him. Is he generally generous or tight-fisted? How long have you been together?

There's a pride paying your way in life though. I don't think I'd enjoy a holiday that was reluctantly subsided by someone else.

PurplePirate · 19/03/2018 08:09

*pride in

SD1978 · 19/03/2018 08:23

As you don’t live together- kinda sounds reasonable on the surface. How long have you been dating? How much involvement does he have with you both in a daily capacity? I’d say differently if you were living together, but paying your own shares at this stage sounds reasonable.

EllieMe · 19/03/2018 08:28

He's not really a partner if he doesn't see you as a unit.

Cut your losses, he's a mean man and just not committed to you.

MarthasGinYard · 19/03/2018 08:34

If he really wanted to go with you and your ds he would offer to pay towards what you can't afford.

He's not happy to do this so has suggested an alternative

Balls in your court really

Taylor22 · 19/03/2018 08:51

Just to double check he's not the child's father is he?

Assuming no then YABU. You aren't living together, you aren't married and he has not assumed any responsibilities of your child.
He's made a very reasonable alternative.
At this point in the relationship your lack of funds are not his concern.

You could try and find childcare for your son and go for a few nights abroad in the sun. Just the two of you.

JoJoSM2 · 19/03/2018 08:57

If you don't live together then he's a boyfriend + the child isn't his. So either go on holiday you can afford or perhaps ask your child's father if he'd like to contribute to him going on holiday.

Prtf1345 · 19/03/2018 08:59

How old is your son?

Original poster
Kazarooney · 19/03/2018 09:14

Thanks all my son is six and we’ve been together two years

OP posts:
Original poster
Kazarooney · 19/03/2018 09:18

Partner is not sons father

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 19/03/2018 09:19

I was coming on to say maybe your dss dad would split the price of his holiday. There will be a problem when ye get there as bf sounds a bit tight and will constantly be adding up meal price waterworld price etc. Don't go if you haven't got a bit of extra as you won't enjoy it. I think l would just go in the UK with ds only for this year.

Appuskidu · 19/03/2018 09:19

It sounds like you’re expecting him to pay more to fund an expensive holiday for you. His suggestion of something in this country is very sensible. Holidays abroad are about more than just the accommodation and flights-car hire, taxis, passports, insurance, spends etc can soon add up.

If you think he is selfish/tight/unfair etc, on the whole though-perhaps you shouldn’t really be together anyway.

Guardsman18 · 19/03/2018 09:20

Bit mean isn't he though?

Figgygal · 19/03/2018 09:21

He shouldnt have to pay more but if he was committed to you and your ds I'd have thought it might be a reasonable thing for him to want to. Although holidaying in this country if it is affordable can sometimes be just as good as being away overseas maybe he's seeing it like that

Appuskidu · 19/03/2018 09:22

Could you afford a holiday abroad for you and your son, without your boyfriend’s wages?

If not, you can’t really afford to go abroad.

TroubledLichen · 19/03/2018 09:22

So there’s no way a 6 year old would cost the same as an adult. You paying 2/3rds of the holiday isn’t a fair split at all. He’s essentially expecting you to subside his share, even though he earns more money. I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all to be annoyed by this.

Taylor22 · 19/03/2018 09:26

All those judging the BF for being right how did you find out what his finances were?

How do you know he's being right as opposed to financially sensible. You can't have what you can't afford.
He hasn't said 'right no holiday' he's saying let's asses what we can afford!!!

Good on him!

I've seen this same story reversed, a man wanting the female OP to contribute to his kids holidays, presents etc and the replies were for her to RUN because he was a cheap user.

Vangoghsear · 19/03/2018 09:27

If he is any way committed to you (as would be expected after 2 years) then splitting the cost 50:50 could be fair, though since he earns more than you he could offer to pay more than half. The 2/3 to 1/3 split is definitely unfair.

Appuskidu · 19/03/2018 09:33

since he earns more than you he could offer to pay more than half.

Or he could suggest a holiday in this county which is more affordable! I am 100% with the boyfriend on this one. OP can’t afford a holiday abroad on her two part time jobs-he might not be able to or want to afford an expensive holiday either. This way, they get to go somewhere nice together without breaking the bank-win win.

If OP come and back and says he charges her for slices of bread and makes her pay for the electricity ifshe’s blow dries her hair, then yes, I’d agree he was being a tightwad, but on this one scenario, I’d say he has made a really sensible alternative suggestion!

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