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Original poster

Should my partner contribute more to holiday

95 replies

Kazarooney · 19/03/2018 07:50

My partner and I Don’t live together and are looking at booking our first holiday abroad we ve been together two years . I will be taking my DS I was looking at splitting the cost two thirds me one third partner but I cant afford this . I have two part time jobs but he still earns double what I do.

Partner has suggested we just go in U.K. if I can’t afford it .

Am I being unreasonable to expect that he should pay more as he earns more .

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 19/03/2018 09:39

He can be committed to the Op without forking out money for a child that isn't his and whom he doesn't parent.

He's with OP not the son. He has to accept she has a son and treat him well but he doesn't have to then 'take him on'

JoJoSM2 · 19/03/2018 09:41

Why would you call the guy mean? The OP mentions having 2 part time jobs - I don't know what they are but could be income of 5-10k a year. If the guy is on double that - say 15-20k, he's hardly in the position to be sponsoring people's holidays.

gamerchick · 19/03/2018 09:44

I think as has been said if you can’t afford to take you and your son away by yourself then you can’t afford a holiday abroad.

It would be nice if he wanted to treat you and offered but he doesn’t/can’t afford it so has made an alternative suggestion. Not sure why you’re expecting it tbh.

TroubledLichen · 19/03/2018 09:52

I’vs seen this same story reversed, a man wanting the female OP to contribute to his kids holidays, presents etc and the replies were for her to RUN

Isn’t that exactly what the boyfriend is doing in this scenario, minus the kids?! There’s no way the OPs 6 year old costs the same as the adults so by saying it’s two-thirds/one-third split or no holiday, he IS expecting her to subside his holiday.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think the boyfriend should be expected to pay for the OP and her son, just that he should pay his fair share.

Appuskidu · 19/03/2018 09:59

The 6 year old will still need a flight seat and a bed, so they couldn’t get just a double room. Food and drinks will cost less for a child, but that’s spending money which tends to come later.

I don’t think the boyfriend is trying to get OP to fund him.

so by saying it’s two-thirds/one-third split or no holiday, he IS expecting her to subside his holiday

He’s saying-yes, going abroad is expensive, so let’s go in this country! That’s not suggesting ‘no holiday’!

Oswin · 19/03/2018 10:03

Have you looked for kids gp free holidays.
He isnt costing the same as an adult.

Taylor22 · 19/03/2018 10:09

The price of the whole holiday would increase because of the addition of the child.

Larger room/ apartment etc
Also they may not be able to select the bet offers as they have to go during school holiday ( how much would that increase his share?)

Appuskidu · 19/03/2018 10:20

School holiday price hikes is another consideration. Would he go in school holidays if it wasn’t for you?

OP-if you come back, can you say if you could afford to take your child abroad on your wages this year?

We didn’t holiday abroad for years when the kids were little as we simply couldn’t afford it-flights and transfers are very expensive plus it’s not even cheap to eat/drink in many places due to the exchange rate at the moment (plus factor in passports/insurance etc if you don’t have those already).

Holidaying in this country can be much more affordable!

ADarkandStormyKnight · 19/03/2018 10:31

I think it depends what you think this holiday represents. Does it mark the boyfriend being more of a permanent fixture in the family? A prelude to moving in together?

To be honest I would also expect to pay a bit more for my child and to be prepared to look for a cheaper holiday if this isn't possible but you should only be paying the difference, not two-thirds of the full cost.

I would also expect some leeway from the boyfriend so that you can go somewhere you all really want to go to and suits everyone if he has more disposable income. It would be a nice gesture if he contributed what he can afford, not what you can afford.

ravelgems · 19/03/2018 10:32

I went away with my DP (not DS's dad) and my DS when we'd been together for 2 years and I paid fully for DS's costs. We had separate hotel rooms (one for me and DS and DP had his own) so I was just paying what I would if I was taking DS away on my own. I wasn't living with DP then and it would never have occurred to me to expect him to pay at that stage of the relationship.

Later in our relationship, DP (now DH) did take us away on holiday and paid for us all - but we were engaged by then and we'd been together for 4 years.

I think if you aren't living together and have just been seeing each other for a couple of years then your finances aren't really joint so it would be unfair to expect him to pay.

43percentburnt · 19/03/2018 10:36

Look for a free child holiday.

WazzitCalled · 19/03/2018 10:37

I would expect him to pay. I think the suggestion of a cheaper holiday is good.

WazzitCalled · 19/03/2018 10:38

Typo I WOULDNT expect him to pay....

whampiece · 19/03/2018 10:41

I wouldn't expect a boyfriend (a partners to me is someone you live with as a family unit) to pay more than his share for a holiday.

What it boils down to is you can't afford this level of holiday. Such is life. It's in no way down to him to subsidise.

Avasarala · 19/03/2018 10:42

I would have no issue paying more if I earned more and wanted to go on the holiday; have done so with friends when at uni etc so if it was my partner, I'd just pay it. You could pay for a few extra meals out or something after as a thank you gesture.

user1483387154 · 19/03/2018 10:43

YABU you arent living together, he isnt responsible for any of your costs.

flissfloss65 · 19/03/2018 10:44

You could go 50:50 if you can find a kids go free holiday.

Appuskidu · 19/03/2018 10:46

I would have no issue paying more if I earned more and wanted to go on the holiday

Maybe the boyfriend isn’t fussed about going abroad for his holiday though?! My dad hates it and would much rather go somewhere in this country.

I guess we won’t know if the OP never comes back and answer any questions though!

ToesInWater · 19/03/2018 10:53

You need to pay whatever the costs are for you and your son, if you can't afford that then you can't afford an overseas holiday. Not sure why you think your partner should pay for your child. A UK holiday sounds like a good compromise if you all want a holiday.

Avasarala · 19/03/2018 10:58

@Appuskidu

That's the point- many people would be happy to pay and just as many wouldn't. If he isn't comfortable, then OP should accept that and change destinations. If he offers (and actually means it) then off they go.
I just meant she could find a way to pay him back a little at a time with wee treats if he was happy too; didn't mean that he should pay even if he doesn't want too.

scottishdiem · 19/03/2018 11:02

Can't decide.

Is he, not the father or living with child, being mean? Or is she trying to be a freeloader demanding access to his money?

It would be nice if he paid. It would be nice if she accepted he doesn't yet she the child he has responsibility for.

Fairylea · 19/03/2018 11:04

I would want to split the costs 50/50. I think after 2 years he should be moving towards seeing you as a family, with potential to becoming a step dad to your 6 year old. So for me family things like holidays etc should be an equal cost, not you and your son paying separately like your own mini family unit. I find that a bit sad and strange. But I guess it depends what your long term goals are. For me 2 years in and going on holiday with my child I would expect the partner to be “step dad” potential.

Taylor22 · 19/03/2018 11:07

The only way he would be the step dad is through marriage. Right now he is just the boy friend to the OP.
He's no responsibilities to the child.

Fairylea · 19/03/2018 11:12

I don’t agree with that. Plenty of people never get married. It doesn’t make them any less of a parent or step parent. It’s about commitment and time spent together.

Bufferingkisses · 19/03/2018 11:14

Run the cost of the holiday for two adults, find the difference - that is your extra to pay for ds.

Also run the cost for you and ds - which will give you the dust for adding dp.

They will be different figures but should give an idea about fair split between them.

You can't expect your partner whom you don't live with to support you/your child unless this is something you have discussed.