Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Spousal Maintenance

142 replies

JuliaJasmine · 09/10/2017 15:04

Hi I am hoping someone can advise me.

I am getting divorced from my husband of 25 years. We have two children aged 20 and 16; the eldest is in uni and the youngest in 6th form.

My ex husband earns £85,000 and we are splitting everything 50/50. This means I will get a lump sum of around £180,000, half of his pension and maintenance for the younger child of £700 per month. He also pays £300 per month towards the eldest child and £300 spousal maintenance to me. I'm a qualified teacher but work 3 days a week as a classroom support assistant. I and my younger child am moving in with my new partner into a 4 bedroom house. I was initially ok with the settlement but now think that I should have more.

I'd be interested to see what others think who have been in this situation
Thanks
Julia

OP posts:
howrudeforme · 09/10/2017 19:15

Jeez you're doing fine. I separated, we agreed 50% split so I get the cash your getting

That's it. I work god long hours to support my kid.

You talk about yourself and protecting yourself. You barely mention your offspring which is how you aim to get the settlement you thing you're entitled to.

mintbiscuit · 09/10/2017 19:30

Quite possibly, had you gone through a court settlement, you may have been awarded a higher share of the assets due to your earning potential being reduced. Or maintenance for a longer period of time. I stress possibly though.

Now your circumstances are different as you are moving in with a new partner. The courts will not view this in the same way. It will be VERY costly to go through the court and unlikely you would be awarded higher spousal maintenance. (Also your eldest would not be awarded the £300pm as not deemed a dependent).

Your ex is being reasonable with the amount he is currently paying and the additional increase he has agreed to.

I would strongly urge you to look at increasing your own earning potential and focus on safeguarding your finances when moving in with a new partner.

Financial settlements through the courts can be a long expensive and bitter experience. It really may not be worth it in the end.

Appuskidu · 09/10/2017 21:27

I can see this thread being pinched by the Daily Mail by the morning!

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 21:30

Yep

Samesituation · 09/10/2017 22:08

OP - are you having a laugh here?? You want to sit on your backside and take home half of someone else's salary?? Are you for real - get me the application for that job !! Your EXH earns a high salary - you do not, get over it ! If you want more income you need to go back to work full time it's not like you're at home loooking after your children.

Tatiana1986 · 09/10/2017 22:10

In the past did he insist you only work part time? Is he responsible for the fact you can't earn as much as him? Is he responsible for your break up? Was he born into his business or worked hard to get where he is now?

These are genuine non-judgemental questions.

It's one thing if he wanted you to concentrate on home making or cheated and broke up the family, or was abusive. Then Yes, take everything you can.

If it was your choice to work part time or no longer love him or whatever then why should he be responsible for your financial well being?

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 22:26

It's one thing if he wanted you to concentrate on home making or cheated and broke up the family, or was abusive. Then Yes, take everything you can.

Makes absolutely no difference in law.

Tatiana1986 · 09/10/2017 22:28

Didn't realise she was asking for legal advice Confused

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 22:32

Didn't realise she was asking for legal advice

No point in saying go after everything when absolutely no chance of getting it.

OP has a very good deal considering she has all her housing needs met, is cohabiliting and still getting SM.

Tatiana1986 · 09/10/2017 22:48

Oh I agree what she's getting sounds like a dream and wanting more is plain grabby. It's just that this grabbiness could be understandable if there's a good reason for it.

ferrier · 10/10/2017 08:46

Would the opinions be different if op wasn't cohabitting?
Is no account taken for ops (assumed) inability to earn anything like she could have if she hadn't been (by mutual agreement - assumed) looking after the children ft?

tocas · 10/10/2017 08:50

Get your arse to work love. Your youngest child is 16 fgs.

wannabestressfree · 10/10/2017 09:41

@ferrier she has had a what she deserves.... she is more than capable of going back to work now/ has no young children etc. Why should her ex husband support her forever more???

Branleuse · 10/10/2017 09:53

I guess this is why so many guys would be stupid to marry

eyebrowsonfleek · 10/10/2017 17:16

Ferrier- 180k can be a massive deposit for property (depending on where OP lives) or massive fund to help retraining thus boost her future income.

The cohabiting thing means that her housing needs are taken care of for now so it’s hard to feel sympathy unless OP has missed out vital info like her husband getting £1m cash versus her £180k or something.

43percentburnt · 10/10/2017 17:22

Pay to speak to a solicitor, present all the figures and see what they think you would receive.

Wishingandwaiting · 10/10/2017 17:31

What strikes me as interesting are the ages of your children.

Cm and sm will cease at 18

I’m through my divorce now.
Sahm of 4 and 6 year old.

Ex on £152k plus £50k Bonus.
I get equity in house (£280k) but don’t touch his pension (about the same).
I receive £2350 a month until youngest is 18.
I will return to work 2019.

My children are 10 plus years younger than yours. And my husband earns almost 2.5x yours when bonus is included.

Wishingandwaiting · 10/10/2017 17:32

In the past did he insist you only work part time? Is he responsible for the fact you can't earn as much as him? Is he responsible for your break up? Was he born into his business or worked hard to get where he is now?

These are genuine non-judgemental questions.

Perhaps. But all utterly irrelevant to her final settlement.

Wishingandwaiting · 10/10/2017 17:33

She stayed at home with the children.
That will be recognised in any financial settlement.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/10/2017 17:36

Was your new partner the OM op?

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 10/10/2017 17:42

I just want to protect myself

The time to protect yourself was 20 years ago and staying at work rather than giving up your career to facilitate his.

Lagerthaisfabulous · 10/10/2017 17:46

The kids are over 16.

There was no need for her to not pursue her career in the 4-6 years at least.

WitchesHatRim · 10/10/2017 17:49

That will be recognised in any financial settlement.

It has been.

She us now shacked up with someone else.

The youngest child is 16. There is no reason why the OP can't work full time. None at all.

She wants her cake and eat it.

DaisysStew · 10/10/2017 17:54

In all honesty you sound greedy. You got a good lump sum, pension and spousal maintenance, but you feel that on top of this he should give you half of his total wage - for how long? The rest of his life?

You got a fair deal, it's not his job to support you til the end of days. Draw a line under it, and start looking at ways to increase your earnings now before child support and spousal maintenance stops.

cornerstoned · 10/10/2017 18:25

is there anything from preventing you seeking full time employment. with your youngest being 16 this should be easy. Confused

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread